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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28021380">A Thousand Years</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSarah_11284/pseuds/SweetSarah_11284'>SweetSarah_11284</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Kissing, Hallucinations, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Rain, Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:06:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28021380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSarah_11284/pseuds/SweetSarah_11284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On the night of your eighteenth birthday, you have an extremely vivid dream about the past life you had with your soulmate. Usually, they are someone you have never met, making things difficult and confusing for both parties. But for Bokuto and Akashi, things are....much different.<br/>--<br/>This is based on the hospital AU 'In Another Life'. After I read it I was heartbroken and decided I must fix the fandom so here we are! Stay safe, stay alive, and please enjoy this (hopefully) work of art.</p><p>*Chapter 2 + 3 are about Bokuto's perspective 'In Another Life' so just a warning that you will have to go through that. I am sorry in advance,,,,</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, akaashi - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Akaashi's Perspective</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLuxray/gifts">LittleLuxray</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This took me over a month+ to write so please enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>It was snowing the night before Keiji Akaashi's eighteenth birthday.</b>
</p><p>Small globs of white dust float down from the heavens and land softly on the frozen grounds of Tokyo Japan, careful not to disturb the patrons who have retreated inside their homes. </p><p>Akaashi tried to pay it no attention. But, that was proven rather difficult with the constant and excited blabbering of his silver-haired friend coming from his phone.<br/><br/></p><p>"Akaashi!" Bokuto's voice breaks through at an almost ear-splitting level.</p><p><em> 'Even this late, he never runs out of steam, huh?' </em>  Akaashi sighs softly. "Yes, Bokuto~ San ?"</p><p>"Look out your window!" He says excitedly before adding, "at the snow!" </p><p>Akaashi looks to his left at his window. The blinds are closed shut rather tightly but he can still see the reflection of the falling snow because of an outside street light. The wind is blowing harshly, causing the wind chime hanging from the tree outside to clang out a faster melody than usual. He's laying under his favorite navy blue blanket, gifted to him last year from Bokuto. It was very warm, warmer than he usually liked. He only used it during the very cold winter nights. The nights when he was home alone and his parents decided to not turn on the heat. </p><p>"We see snow every year. Why should I?" He asks, looking at his phone screen. It displayed a circular picture of Bokuto with a silly expression on his face along with the current call time. Two hours and thirty-six minutes. He had no idea that much time had passed until he checked. The time that he spent with Bokuto had always felt different. Much faster than time usually went by with anyone else.</p><p>"Akaashi!" </p><p>Akaashi can picture it now. The elder boy whining, throwing his head back in annoyance. His hair flattens as he puffs out his cheeks and throws a silent tantrum. He does this when he wants something and no one will give it to him. It's his way of guilt-tripping. </p><p>"Bokuto~San." Akaashi pulls the blanket closer to his chin as he returns his eyes to the cream-colored ceiling above him. "It's too cold to get up."</p><p>"Fine, have it your way."</p><p>Bokuto's sound muffles and Akaashi can only guess that he had shoved his phone into his pocket. A few seconds of silence pass before Akaashi hears a small 'bang!' as something impacts his window. His eyes widen and he sits up abruptly. His blanket falls off of him, exposing his arms and neck to the chilly atmosphere of his own home.</p><p>“Bokuto~San--- I swear."<br/><br/></p><p>Making sure the blanket is re-wrapped tightly around him, Akaashi gets up, puts on his slippers, and makes his way to the window to his right. The window that faces the street. He throws open the blinds with his right hand, his left being preoccupied with holding his blanket tightly around him. Low and behold, there is Kōtarō Bokuto, his best friend since his first year at Fukurodani. </p><p>Bokuto waves up at him, smiling. He has his backpack tossed lazily over one shoulder and his burgundy scarf is whipping behind him as the wind picks up. The snow only seems to get worse the longer he stares blankly down at Bokuto on his front lawn. He has to do something.</p><p>"I'll be down in a minute." </p><p>Akaashi hangs up the call and closes his blinds. He turns around and lets his eyes scan over his room. He likes to keep it tidy, so there wasn't much to do. Besides, it's just Bokuto. Not like he'll care if Akaashi's room is a total warzone. </p><p>Akaashi feels his heart rate pick up slightly as he makes his way downstairs. His parents aren't home and there was something thrilling about what he was going to attempt.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto’s teeth shine as he speaks his signature catchphrase. “Look, I brought you something!" Bokuto says excitedly once Akaashi has opened the front door. </p><p>A gust of wind floods into the house and Akaashi trembles. It must have been at least twenty degrees below freezing. But, Bokuto seemed to not care much about it. He brings his backpack closer to him and unzips it, pulling out what seems to be a birthday card in a blue envelope. He holds it out to Akaashi. "You can't open it now though. You have to wait till tomorrow morning on your actual birthday." </p><p>Akaashi hesitates for a moment before taking the card out of Bokuto's hand. He studies it. His name was written in  Bokuto's version of 'neatly' on the front center of the card. </p><p>"You walked all this way in the snow to bring me a birthday card that you could have just brought me tomorrow anyway?" Akaashi asks in a bit of annoyance. He thought it was careless, Bokuto walking here in the snow. How had he not noticed the whistling of the wind while he was on the phone with him? </p><p>Bokuto shakes his head. "It's not a card. It's a letter!" He explains as he zips his backpack back up. "I wrote it while we were talking earlier and I wanted to make sure you could read it the second you woke up on your birthday!" He smiles widely. "It's very important." </p><p>"I don't think you should put a letter's importance over your own health." Akaashi points outside past where Bokuto stands. "The snow is picking up. I'm not letting you walk home in it. Plus, you're starting to shiver." He steps back, using an arm to gesture Bokuto to come inside.</p><p>Bokuto's jaw goes slack and his eyes widen as he looks at Akaashi. "Sleepover?"</p><p>"Yes." Akaashi nods. "But, only because my parents aren't home. I'd never hear the end of it if you kept them up all night with your constant chatter." He pauses, hoping Bokuto will take the hint. But he just stands at the door, still in a state of shock. "Will you come in before my entire house turns into an icebox?" </p><p>"Oh- ye-yeah right!" Bokuto stutters. Has he ever stuttered before? Akaashi wasn't sure.<br/><br/>Before they both knew it, they were heading back upstairs to Akaashi's room with cups of hot chocolate and a few extra blankets.<br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi sits on the edge of his bed, placing the grey mug down on his bedside table alongside Bokuto's letter.</p><p>Bokuto follows him into the room, closing the door behind him. He looks around for a moment, taking in his surroundings before plopping down in the middle of the floor on Akaashi's carpet. He had taken off his jacket downstairs leaving only his scarf which he takes as well, draping it onto Akaashi’s desk chair. He places his backpack next to the chair before finally becoming still.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Akaashi asks.</p><p>"Sitting!" Bokuto takes a gentle sip of his hot chocolate, recoiling back when the hot liquid touches his tongue. </p><p>Akaashi watches, his brows furrowing in a slightly concerned manner. "On the floor?" He asks. "You know you're allowed on my bed, right? You're not a dog." </p><p>"Yeah, but my clothes are all wet.” Bokuto takes the mug away from his lips and places it down next to him. “I don't want your bed to get wet. Then it'd be even colder in here.”</p><p><em> ‘He has a point.’ </em> Akaashi thinks before getting up from his bed.</p><p>He walks over to his wooden dresser, opening the top drawer and pulling out a pair of grey sweatpants. He pulls a navy sweatshirt out of the middle drawer before turning back to Bokuto behind him.</p><p>“Here.” He holds out the two articles of clothing. “Get changed. Then we can go to sleep.”</p><p>Bokuto’s entire face lights up. He’s so easily excitable. It only takes him a few moments to get changed in the bathroom before coming back into the room. Akaashi places his wet clothes into the dryer downstairs, deciding on running them tomorrow morning instead of now so they’ll be warm when Bokuto puts them on. </p><p>Akaashi’s parents were due to be home around eleven or twelve, so in theory, he would want to have Bokuto out of here by ten-thirty. But, Akaashi knows now that it will be impossible due to Bokuto's night owl-esque nature and he’ll eventually have to explain everything to his parents. But, that was a problem for tomorrow morning.</p><p>Akaashi yawns quietly, a hand over his mouth as he walks back into his bedroom. It seemed his friend had already made himself comfortable in his full-sized bed, taking the spot on the left, right next to the window. He’s intently watching the falling snow, barely noticing Akaashi’s presence in the room until the noiret sits down on the bed and gets himself comfortable.</p><p>Bokuto looks over, studying Akaashi's face. “You’re nervous.” He shifts, sitting up against the back of the bed frame. “There’s no reason for that. It will just feel like a really vivid dream that lasts for months.” He explains.</p><p>Bokuto’s eighteenth birthday was last year, September twentieth, meaning that he had already been having the dream of his past life for four hundred and forty-one days. The same dream for that long sounded unbearable, especially if it was sad like it seemed Bokuto’s was. He never talked about it, not even to Akaashi.<br/><br/>It made Akaashi a little nervous to know that Bokuto’s was so horrible. He can still remember how Bokuto had avoided everyone on his birthday, locking himself up in his room where he stayed for the entire weekend. If anything bad were to happen to Akaashi in his dream, Bokuto would be right there when he woke up the next morning. He’d know.</p><p>“If I tell you about mine, will you finally tell me about yours?” Akaashi asks, looking down and pulling the comforter over himself. He doesn't want to see that look on Bokuto’s face. The sad one he gives whenever his soulmate is brought up.</p><p>Bokuto sighs, lying down in the bed and turning his back to Akaashi so he can continue to look out the window. “You know what? Yeah. I’ll tell you.” He pulls the blankets up to cover his mouth, also muffling his voice slightly. “But, it’s really sad so I don’t know if you’ll want to hear about it on your birthday.”</p><p>Akaashi lays down as well, looking over at the back of Bokuto’s head. “You’ve kept it in for over a year, Bokuto~San. I bet you’re exploding to tell someone that isn't your parents.”</p><p>“They don’t know either.” Bokuto replies blankly. “Didn’t want them to worry.” He turns to his back and looks up at the ceiling. “They believe that crap about stuff that happens in your past life being able to affect your present one. They’d send me to a bunch of doctors. I don’t want that. I hate hospitals.” </p><p><em> ‘Doctors, huh? He must be the one that the bad thing happened to in his past life.’  </em>Akaashi shudders just thinking about it. “That makes sense.” Akaashi looks at the ceiling as well. As much as he wants to look over and read Bokuto’s expression, he refrains. “In that case, you don’t have to tell me if you aren't ready yet. It sounds serious.”</p><p>“Tomorrow.” Bokuto looks over at Akaashi, his golden eyes gleaming in the darkness. “Don’t stay up thinking about my life story. You,” he boops Akaashi’s nose. “have one of your own to discover.”</p><p>Akaashi twitches his nose, looking over at Bokuto. “Yeah, I won’t.” He looks back up at the ceiling before turning his back to Bokuto. “Goodnight, Bokuto~San.”</p><p>“Sleep well, Akaashi.”<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi did in fact, <b>not </b>sleep well that night.<br/><br/></p><hr/><p>His dream was, to say the least, eventful.<br/><br/></p><p>Within the first few minutes, he had already gotten to see his soulmate. Once the person speaks their name to you, the swirly black mess where their body stands is taken away and you can see them and hear their voice.</p><p>Akaashi was shocked, the pieces of the puzzle snapping together in his mind.<br/><br/></p><p><em> " </em> <b> <em>I understand. But for what it's worth, my name is Bokuto."</em> </b></p><p><em><br/></em>After that, Akaashi tried desperately to tear himself out of his dream-- or rather, nightmare at this point. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to see Bokuto die. He knew that was coming the second that past Akaashi looked up the prognosis of FFI.<br/><br/></p><p>
  <b> <em>(FFI) is a very rare autosomal dominant inherited prion disease of the brain. FFI has no known cure and involves progressively worsening insomnia, which leads to hallucinations, delirium, and confusional states like that of dementia.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p><em> ‘God… just make it stop, please. Why didn’t he tell me? Why wouldn't he warn me…’ </em> Akaashi thinks.</p><p>It’s such a strange dream--flashback... thing. He was experiencing all five senses his past self was, with the oh-so fantastic added factor of emotions. Or, maybe his present self was the one experiencing the emotions? He wasn't quite sure. Nevertheless, the constant weight on his shoulders was growing unbearable and it had only been a day.</p><p>After the first-night Bokuto stayed over at his place, he knew he was in trouble.</p><p>The second time, Akaashi knew things were only going to hurt more.</p><p>Then, the snow came on January third.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>"Please... Don't visit me... Anymore."</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>"I'm not leaving, </em> </b> <strong> <em>Kōtarō</em> <em>.</em>" </strong><b><em>His voice was hushed, gentle. "And nothing you say will make me leave."</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>A few nights before. January 31st or so. Bokuto had stopped speaking a little while ago.<br/><br/></p><p><b> <em>"You are beautiful."</em> </b> </p><p>Thank god he hadn't typed what Akaashi thought he was going to. It would have killed him.</p><p>
  <b> <em>"You're... Ridiculous." He said lightheartedly, his fingers trembling around his phone.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>February third.<br/><br/></p><p>
  <b> <em>Akaashi woke up to the feeling of sunlight against his face. It was warm on him, certainly something that one would find comforting, but as he stirred in bed, he was certain that something was off.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>He kept his eyes half-lidded and his movements reserved, clinging onto the false hope that Bokuto wasn't moving because he didn't want to wake him. But Akaashi knew that this wasn't the case. He just didn't want to accept it.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Stretching out a trembling arm, Akaashi took hold of Bokuto's hand. He shut his eyes and squeezed his palm. It was cold. His hand trembled harder with each passing second, as if the movement would cause Bokuto to wake up. Akaashi's face buried into the crook of his neck. He nudged the bridge of his nose against the cool skin. His lips brushed against his collarbone in desperate search of that familiar warmth. Both hands had clasped around Bokuto's own now, quavering without pause. He couldn't find his pulse.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Devastation weighed down on Akaashi in that instant. It was a surreal feeling, one that he could never in one million years describe. It squeezed him, threatening to crush him from the inside out. The pain seared itself into his soul, hindering him, rendering him speechless to a point where he no longer knew what words were.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>A sob wrenched its way out from Akaashi's throat.<br/><br/></em> </b>
</p><hr/><p>Akaashi finally woke up from his dream.<br/><br/></p><p>He sat up in his bed, panting, shaking, heart racing, and a cold sweat drenching his entire body. It felt like months had passed, maybe even a year. But upon checking the time, he discovered it had only been around six and a half hours.</p><p>Rolling to the left side of the bed, he uncovered something else. <span class="u">Bokuto was no longer next to him.<br/></span></p><p>Akaashi tried so hard not to throw up.</p><p>He got up from his bed, or he at least <em>tried </em>to get up from his bed. His legs shook like he had been playing five-sets of non-stop setting. Non-stop setting to the team captain and ace, Bokuto Kōtarō.</p><p>Akaashi stood up, immediately regretting it as he collapsed to his knees on the floor. <em>'Danm it. Why am I... why is this happening to me?'</em>  His brain swallows him whole with thoughts and he gags, taking a moment to catch his breath before he makes yet another attempt to get up.<br/><br/>Holding himself up with his palms, Akaashi lifts himself back onto his bed. He curls up, wrapping the navy blue blanket around him as tightly as he can. His eyes survey the room, still seeing Bokuto’s burgundy scarf on his desk chair and the blue card on his bedside table. No backpack though. It was possible Bokuto could have left, leaving the scarf behind. He didn't want to stay and go through the embarrassment of having the mess who was named Keiji Akaashi as his soulmate.</p><p>Akaashi almost choked on the amount of air he inhaled. He had held his breath for so long that it hurt when he was once again granted the privilege of oxygen. He was so conflicted. How had he never realized that he had these touchy-feely type emotions for Bokuto?<em> 'Oh, right. I repressed them.' </em></p><p>Looking out the window, Akaashi watches the morning sunrise above the treetops. The freshly fallen snow shines like glitter, the reflection almost hurting Akaashi’s sleep-ridden eyes. Few flurries fall from the trees and the wind blows so hard that Akaashi can hear it, even from inside.  A moment suddenly came back to him as he blanks out and stares at the snow. A moment from his other life.<br/><br/><b> <em><br/></em> </b> <b> <em>"I thought you were waiting for the snow. I thought it was what you wanted..."</em> </b></p><p>
  <b> <em>His eyelids drooping and then snapping open again, Bokuto made a small sound.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>"Mnh-... I... See it... All the t-ime."</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Just then, Akaashi's lips parted in realization. Bokuto's hallucinations had become such a part of him, that he thought the snow outside was just another mind trick. He breathed in sharply.</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>"It's not a hallucination, Bokuto. It's actually snowing."</em> </b> <b> <em><br/></em> </b> <b> <em><br/></em> </b> <b> <em><br/></em> </b><br/>Akaashi clamps a hand over his mouth, trying to not make any audibly loud noise. He knew Bokuto was alive and well, probably just-- in the bathroom or….. something. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something horrible happened. That Bokuto did have that horrible disease…</p><p>Akaashi turns over, tears still streaming down his pale cheeks. He grabs the card off of his bedside table and lies on his back. He holds it up in the air and traces a finger over his name, Keiji Akaashi, in Bokuto’s handwriting. His stupid, messy handwriting.<br/><br/>Akaashi wouldn't trade it for the world.</p><p>He looks over the enclosed envelope once more, hesitating. <em>‘Should I open the card? Didn’t Bokuto say he wanted to be here when I opened it?’ </em> He thought a bit harder.<em> ‘No, he just said he wanted me to open it in the morning, after my dream. It's probably him telling me that we're soulmates. What if he doesn't want to be together?'</em> Akaashi's brain swims with thoughts and he takes another deep breath. The anxiety felt like a weight on his chest. If he wasn't careful, he'd be taken off the face of the earth completely. <em>'O</em><em><em>kay</em>, Keiji, just get through the letter, calm down, and then go find Bokuto. God, what am I even going to say to him?’</em><br/><br/><br/>Dear <strike>Akaashi</strike> Keiji (I should probably be formal),<br/><br/>       Happy Eighteenth birthday! <br/>       Now, you may be wondering, <em>‘How did my favorite person in the </em><b><em>ENTIRE WORLD </em></b><em>Bokuto~San (!!) get this card on my bedside table?’ </em><em><br/></em>       The simple answer is that I broke into your house. Or I somehow got you to let me stay over. If that's the case then thanks for making my plan easier than it originally was. I had this whole talk with Kuroo and Kenma and we were going to get your parents in on it. Then, I remembered you aren't really a fan of stuff like that and I didn't know if your parents were homophobic or anything (and I <em>really</em> did not want to have to deal with that). So, I tried to make it more personal, like it probably should be.<br/>       The only people who know about this are Kuroo, Kenma, and a few of my buds back at college. The K's situation (that's what I call Kurro and Kenma, get it hehe) is almost the same as ours. I had my dream in September last year then Kuroo had his in November. He told me that same morning about how he had gotten Kenma and I almost immediately broke and told him everything. Everything about you in our other life, sticking with me when I was dying even though you barely knew me. I’m still tearing up thinking about it. The paper might look wet by the end of this.<br/>       You’re so sweet.<br/><br/>       I've been having that same dream for four hundred and forty-one days non stop. I've gotten used to it, so I can take it. But the first few weeks and months were like hell. I guess you can see now why I locked myself up. I assume it's going to be hard to get you out of your room so who knows if I’ll even see you today. But, I'll be waiting for as long as you need. A thousand years if I have to. Feels like I have been waiting that long.<br/>      I couldn't believe it. I can't believe it. Someone I knew. Someone as special as you, Keiji Akaashi.<br/>      I'm really trying to not make this a sappy love letter but boy is it hard. After watching the two of us slowly gain a connection in our past life every night for an entire year, it’s kinda hard not to make things all kissy. You’ve grown on me, Keiji (can I call you that?), in ways I could never imagine. It’s kind of funny, actually. That crap boomers say about “when you meet your soulmate you’ll feel a jolt, kind of like a shock, run a course through your body the second the two of you lock eyes.” I swear it's true! I remember the first time I saw you, I had that exact feeling. I didn't realize it then but thinking back, I had a feeling you were going to be important to me.<br/><br/>     I know this is going to be a hard adjustment. If you don’t want to see me today, just say the word! But, you know I’ll be back tomorrow whether it be through a text message, video chat, or in person. I want this to work, Keiji. We need to prove it to our past selves that we can spend forever together like they never got to. Those poor guys : (<br/>    Anyways, if you feel like talking, head on downstairs! I’ll be waiting. Though if you want to be alone, I’ll pack up and understand completely, I promise. This is a lot to take in and I just want to be there for you like you were there for me in another life.<br/><br/>Love, <br/>    Kōtarō Bokuto</p><p>Somehow, the letter managed to make Akaashi feel a little better. The shaking soon subsides and the weight on his chest dissipates. It didn't feel much like the Bokuto he knew but it was still extremely comforting. He was honestly expecting the worst. Expecting an <em>'I don't want to be your soulmate' </em>or <em>'I think we should just be friends.' </em></p><p>He takes a long deep breath, the first one in a while without choking. He could finally get up without falling over. He was a bit dizzy from the hyperventilating, so he held onto the wall and made his way to the bathroom. He figured that washing his face would do him some good. If Bokuto was waiting downstairs, he would at least want to look half presentable. They were soulmates after all and this would be the first interaction they'd have when they both knew about it.<br/><br/><br/><br/>Akaashi enters his bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him. He grabs his face cleansing brush and lavender face wash, along with a white towel. He wets the towel with warm water and pats his face down with it before rubbing the face wash onto his face. He uses his brush to rub the soap in, the calming scent of lavender wafting up into his nose.<br/><br/><em> ‘It’ll be fine, Keiji. Just breath. He's not going to push you away.'  </em><br/><br/>He finishes up with washing his face and he lets all the water drip down his cheeks. He stares at his reflection in the square mirror above the sink. His eyes were pretty bloodshot and his whole face was puffier than usual. Bokuto would likely notice. There wasn't anything he could do now though, it would be like this for a while.<br/><br/>He decides to leave it, brushing his teeth before going back to his room to grab a sweatshirt. He’s still shaking slightly, partially from the cold, partially from the anxiety. He couldn't avoid this. He didn't <em>want</em> to avoid this. He had to know Bokuto was okay.<br/><br/><br/><br/>Akaashi holds onto the railing tightly as he makes his way down the wooden stairs of his childhood home. He can smell something immediately. The kind of thing that you would smell in a diner when you first walk in. French toast. Bacon.<br/><br/>The large ‘Happy Birthday Akaashi!’ banner was the first thing that caught his eye when he entered the dining room. The black and white roses (which he could only imagine correlated to his and Bokuto's hair colors and not some sad funeral) sat on the dining room table along with the styrofoam boxes food boxes. Two cardboard coffee cups and plastic cutlery were nearby as well. It smelled fresh. Bokuto must have gone out and bought this while he was asleep. That explained why he wasn't with him when he woke up.<br/><br/>But, where was Bokuto now?<br/><br/>Akaashi quietly traipses around the house, looking through all the rooms downstairs until he finally makes his way into the large sunroom near the back deck of his house. He stops short in the doorway when he sees the person inside. He let out a sigh of relief, his right hand reaching up to clutch his chest.<br/><br/>Akaashi walks over to the couch and stops right next to it, his legs practically begging for him to sit down. So, he does, staring down at Bokuto as he lay sleeping on the longer portion of the white L shaped couch. </p><p>Bokuto is wearing a black suit with a red tie that had slowly fallen out of place and down to the right side of his body. Akaashi almost broke free from his spout of sadness to laugh at how dressed up the other was. He really had tried to make things perfect, didn't he?<br/><br/>Akaashi brought a shaking hand up to Bokuto's forehead, brushing back some of his messy silver and black hair. His forehead felt warm and full of life. Yet, Akaashi felt his eyes well up and he looked down at his lap. He let his thoughts once again get the best of him and within the next few moments, he finds himself collapsing onto Bokuto's chest.<br/><br/>He's so tired. So anxious. Even though Bokuto was asleep, Akaashi was comforted. If he could sleep, that meant he didn't have FFI. Along with the steady thumping coming from inside his chest and the small puffs of air that came out of his mouth, that was enough for Akaashi's intrusive thoughts to quiet down for a bit.<br/><br/><br/><br/>Within the next fifteen or twenty minutes, Bokuto begins to stir. He stretches one of his arms up, the other sneaking to wrap around Akaashi. He yawns, finally opening up his golden eyes to be met with Akaashi's head laying on his chest. </p><p>"Oh, shiitake mushrooms-- I fell asleep didn't I?" Bokuto mutters, his voice sounds sleepy and deep.<br/><br/>Akaashi can feel his heart jolt in his chest but he doesn't look over yet. He's terrified. <em>'What if Bokuto sees me and changes his mind? What if I mess up?'</em><br/><br/>"I wanted to be there when you woke up. I should have taken a power nap last night or something. I'm sorry." Bokuto pokes at Akaashi. "Oh, are you asleep?" He lowers his voice. "My bad." </p><p>Akaashi, whose head was previously turned the other way, looked over at Bokuto the second he had finished apologizing. He leaned his chin on the boy's right pec and paused for a moment to look at him. He can feel the tears already welling back up and he had to shove his face in the crook of Bokuto's neck. Akaashi doesn't want him to see how upset he really is. When he finally speaks, his voice breaks, giving away his cover. "It's f-fine." </p><p>"Akaashi," Bokuto speaks in a warning type tone, wrapping both his arms around him. "please don't tell me you’re…..." his voice trails off. He doesn't want to say it but he knows.<br/><br/>Akaashi draws in a shaky breath. His voice breaks again. “I’m not cr-crying.”<br/><br/>Bokuto sighs, holding Akaashi closer to him. “It’s okay. You can.” He nudges his head against Akaashi’s. “I get it. It’s going to hurt. For a while. Every time I saw you after my birthday, I had to hold myself back from tackling you to the ground and thanking you for being with me.” He rubs Akaashi’s back. “Difference between our situations is that I'll be right here with you for as long as you need me. Okay?”<br/><br/>Akaashi nods, his throat being too clogged to say anything more than “Why didn't you warn me?”<br/><br/>“I wanted to tell you, I swear I did.” Bokuto starts. “But, I thought being here would be enough. More than I had after my first night.” He sighs. “I know, you’re probably mad. I guess I was being selfish. I didn’t want you to know what was going to happen as you went into it like I didn't. Do you understand?”<br/><br/>“Yeah... no I do.” Akaashi replies. “Thank you for being here.”<br/><br/>Bokuto gives Akaashi a soft <em>‘Mhm’</em> in response, a hand reaching up to mess with his hair, hoping it would be comforting. He’s never done this kind of thing before so he has no clue if he’s even doing a good job. Akaashi says nothing and his breathing seems to steady out so Bokuto doesn't stop.<br/><br/>“Are you okay?”<br/><br/>Akaashi half chuckles. “That’s a stupid question.”<br/><br/>“I know.” Bokuto replies. “I just figured it'd be nice to hear."<br/><br/>“Yeah.” Akaashi uncovers his face, moving his head to rest on Bokuto’s shoulder. He’s stopped crying but he still feels like garbage. Like he could scream for hours until he either passed out or his vocal cords snapped. “Hey, Bokuto~San?”<br/><br/>“Yeah, what is it?” Bokuto asks, looking down to try and meet Akaashi’s gaze.<br/><br/>Akaashi tries to look up at him but he can’t bring himself to. Not yet. “Did you see…. anything after you...you know...” his voice trails off, almost breaking again. He has to bite his lip to stop himself from making a noise.<br/><br/>“If you’re trying to ask me if I became some badass ghost who spooked people left and right for fun, no I sadly didn't.” Bokuto chuckles. “I just woke up after. The dream always ends at that point. Used to freak me out. Like there's nothing else after we die.” Bokuto can feel Akaashi start to tremble a bit in his arms. “I- that- I shouldn’t have said that. You didn't hear that.” He sits up, taking Akaashi with him. “Can you stand? You’re shaking again.”<br/><br/>Akaashi nods. “I’ll be okay.” He blushes slightly, still not making eye contact with Bokuto. “Not like you’re going to let me fall.”<br/><br/>Bokuto chokes up, his stomach suddenly filled to the brim with butterflies, just from seeing the tint of red form on Akaashi’s cheeks. “God, I would never. What kind of guy would that make me?" He tries to hide his nervousness with one of his award-winning smiles. “Now, C’mon. Up we go.” Bokuto pulls Akaashi to his feet, letting the younger boy adjust to being on the ground.<br/><br/><br/><br/>The word embarrassed is an understatement for how Akaashi currently feels.<br/><br/>When he stands up he almost falls over again, having to lean most of his weight onto Bokuto. He tries to push back the rapid thumping of his heart and just focus on getting his legs to stop shaking. “I’m sorry, Bokuto~San. They… they won't stop.”<br/><br/>“No-- don't apologize. I get it.” He squeezes Akaashi’s hands softly. “Trust me, you’re handing the dream way better than I did. I can’t even imagine what it was like from your perspective. You must be strong.”<br/><br/>“I wouldn't call it that.” Akaashi draws in a shaky breath. He’s still staring at his feet, along with his and Bokuto’s connected hands. They were so warm… “I'm just good at avoiding emotions.” He finally works up the courage to look up at Bokuto. “Why are we standing again?”<br/><br/>Bokuto finds himself getting carried away, lost in the gunmetal blue eyes of Akaashi. <em>His</em> Akaashi. Why were they standing? He can’t seem to remember. </p><p>“Uh- oh right. We’re standing up now.” Bokuto blushes from the embarrassment, now being the one out of the two who’s looking down. He was supposed to be good at this kind of stuff! He was the older one after all. He clears his throat, trying to avoid an embarrassing voice crack (like that was his biggest reason for being flustered right now).<br/><br/>“This is going to be really cheesy so don’t laugh.” Bokuto takes a breath, looking up at Akaashi. “I wanted to have a slow dance with you, so we can really remember today as the start of something fantastic. The start of the life our old selves never got to have.”<br/><br/>Akaashi blushes and soon he can't help himself as laughter begins to spill from his lips. The soft sound bounces and echoes in the large room, reaching Bokuto’s reddening ears a few times before finally dissipating as Akaashi manages to stifle it down.<br/><br/>“You’re….you’re ridiculous.” Akaashi replies, tears from laughter forming in the corners of his eyes.<br/><br/>Bokuto chuckles almost in agreement as he brings a hand up to wipe a stray tear off of Akaashi’s face. “I am, aren't I?”<br/><br/>Akaashi's breath seems to catch in his throat momentarily as he realizes how much of a parallel this was becoming. It was just like… yeah… almost exactly like that.<br/><br/>Bokuto realizes it too. It's written all over his face. “I just wanted things to be extra special, don’t make fun of me!”<br/><br/>“I’m not making fun of you.” Akaashi says, his laughing fit being over now. “It’s just funny seeing you so embarrassed. It's so out of character for you.”<br/><br/>“H-Hey, hey! It’s not funny!” Bokuto blushes a bit more, moving his hand down to wrap around Akaashi’s waist and pull him closer. “You would be doing the same thing in my position!”<br/><br/>This time it's Akaashi's turn to be embarrassed. He tries to play it off with a shrug, meeting Bokuto eye to eye. In reality, his stomach is filled with a fluttering sensation and the shaking of his own breath is hard not to notice. “Maybe. But, I would have at least gotten my suit pressed.”<br/><br/>“That’s your complaint? My suit being wrinkled?” Bokuto shakes his head. “You’re lucky I even put this on for you. Next time its cargo pants and a T-shirt.”<br/><br/>“That’s fine. We’re probably not going to do anything fancy like this again for a while.”<br/><br/>“Are you testing my date planning abilities?” Bokuto asks in a jokingly offended manner. “I’ll make every date fancy if you’re challenging me to that. I’ll be the best ace, the best boyfriend, and the best date planner!”<br/><br/>‘<em>Boyfriend.’ </em>Akaashi blushes at the word. “I’ll agree to that when you actually put on some music and teach me how to dance.”<br/><br/>“Oh- right. I got a little distracted again.” He slowly lets go of Akaashi, making sure he can stand upright before he takes his phone out of his pocket. “Your eyes… they’re beautiful.” He says bashfully, now being focused on his phone. But the embarrassed grin on his face is very noticeable. “I kinda forgot about my whole plan because of them.”<br/><br/>Before Akaashi can react to that interaction, let alone reply, music starts playing out of Bokuto’s phone. A familiar song but a piano cover. The Cloud Atlas prelude. Akaashi finds his eyes tearing up again. “Is this…”<br/><br/>Bokuto looks a bit teary himself as he looks up at Akaashi. “We watched the movie so many times. I figured it would be perfect.”<br/><br/>Akaashi shakes his head with a soft smile, already blinking tears down his face. “If crying is your definition of perfect then yeah, this song will do.”<br/><br/>Bokuto chuckles, putting his phone into the breast pocket of his jacket “What's a proper soulmate meeting without a bunch of crying?” Bokuto places his right hand on Akaashi’s upper back, his left hand taking Akaashi's right. “Just, follow me, okay? It’s easy.”<br/><br/>“Is this… “ Akaashi places his left hand on Bokuto’s shoulder then slides it to the base of Bokuto’s neck. “right?”<br/><br/>“Yeah.” He replies with a smile. “Now just follow my lead.”<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto takes Akaashi to the center of the room, right where the light is hitting both of them perfectly. With the skylights and the windows, they pretty much stand in a natural spotlight. The world around them falls away and soon it’s just them. Kōtarō Bokuto and Keiji Akaashi, having their first slow dance.<br/><br/>Once he's gotten the footing down, Akaashi leans into Bokuto. They're so close in fact that their sides touch after every sway and step the two make. The music swells but Akaashi can barely hear it over the sloshing of blood in his ears. He feels like his face is on fire.<br/><br/>His eyes dart from Bokuto’s face, to their connected hands, then his lips. They looked soft. He’s feeling brave and soon he finds himself leaning in, closer. He’s barely brushing the other’s lips when he realizes what he’s doing, and how stupid it was. He has to ask first. He pulls back slightly, inhaling shakily as he looks into Bokuto’s wide eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry. Is this okay, Kōtarō?"<br/><br/>A warmth fills Bokuto’s chest. He smiles. “More than okay, Keiji.” Bokuto shuts his eyes tightly, a small prayer of some sort coming to his mind. <em> ‘Please, god, don’t let me fuck this life up. He won’t be able to take another heartbreak.’ </em> He lets his mind blank out as Akaashi closes the gap between their lips.<br/><br/>Both boys freeze in their place, being too caught up in each other to repeat the steady box step they had going on just moments prior. Akaashi can feel his whole body go hot as the older boy kisses back, leaning in to get even closer. He can smell Bokuto’s aftershave and his lips taste like orange juice. It’s almost addicting.<br/><br/>Bokuto is the first one to pull back, a wide grin growing on his face. “That was a bold move for you, Keiji. You seem to change more and more each time I come home from college.”</p><p>"I have to be bold." He replies. "I'm the captain now."<br/><br/>Akaashi pants as well, feeling his upper chest swell with the same familiar waves of anxiety that had somehow been held back until now. He’s suffocated with incoherent thoughts. ‘ <em> That was your first kiss! God that was nice, huh? You probably did a horrible job so why would </em><em>he </em><em>want more? Why would </em><em>he </em><em>even kiss back? Because he’s supposed to. He’s your soulmate, he's not allowed to be rude. Of course, he won't be your soulmate for long. He’s going to die at age twenty from FFI and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You’ll be alone forever, just like last time.’  </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> “Keiji? Hey- hey- hey. Snap out of it.” Bokuto leans Akaashi’s face up to his own, trying to get the attention of the now crying boy in his arms. “What happened? Did I do something wrong?”<br/><br/>Akaashi takes an audible inhale, feeling the familiar tingle throughout his entire body as he struggles to get another breath in. “Not… your fault…” He chokes out, leaning his forehead onto Bokuto’s shoulder before he can see the world start to spin. “My head… really doesn't ever w-want me to be happy.” Akaashi stifles a sob. <em> ‘You’re such a cry baby. You’ve only just found out he’s your soulmate and you’re already dumping this all on him? Shame on you.’ </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> “Oh Keiji.” Bokuto holds him closer, leaning his chin on top of Akaashi's head. It was in fact pretty comforting, just like he remembered. "Did I… make you think like this? Be honest with me. I won’t make the same mistake again.”<br/><br/>Akaashi takes another loud inhale, trying to calm himself the best he can. He usually acts so composed around his peers. He never felt like this around Bokuto. Bokuto was usually the one who could pull him out of it without even knowing he was. But, a lot had changed in the course of seven hours. His best friend was now his soulmate.<br/><br/>“Not your fault.” Akaashi repeats, trying to copy the steady rate of Bokuto’s breathing. “Can you take me upstairs t-to my room, please?”<br/><br/>Bokuto is too worried to ask any more questions. Akaashi was usually so level headed. He'd never seen the boy break down. “Of course.”<br/><br/>Akaashi finds himself being lifted off the ground and carried up to his room. Bokuto seemed to understand that the other boy wouldn't be walking anytime soon. Everything had hit Akaashi and his brain was a mess. All Bokuto could do was sit and comfort him, just like Akaashi had done for him in the past.<br/><br/></p><hr/><p>“Keiji,” Bokuto says softly once the two are settled back into Akaashi’s soft bed. Akaashi is on Bokuto’s lap, his ear pressed to the boy’s chest, right where his heart is. He’s holding onto him like his life depends on it and the navy blanket is wrapped around both of them. Akaashi still trembles like a leaf in the wind. “do you remember the trick you used to use on me? The 54321 method?”<br/><br/>Akaashi taps him once then pauses before tapping another three times. They had set up this system in their previous life. A way to communicate through all the haziness of blind panic. One tap meant yes, two meant no, and three meant please. Bokuto was surprised that Akaashi remembered it, even only after one night in the dreamscape.<br/><br/>“Okay, good.” Bokuto runs a gentle hand through Akaashi’s black locks, stopping to rest on the crown of his head. “When you’re ready, tell me five things you can see.”<br/><br/>Clearing his throat, Akaashi musters his words out. “The letter, t-the sunlight,” he rubs the silky fabric of Bokuto’s suit between his thumb and index finger. “your suit, uhm--” he glances around his room, struggling a bit as his eyes well up again. “my desk, a-and your scarf.”<br/><br/>“Good.” Bokuto presses his lips to Akaashi’s forehead and nuzzles him softly. He really hopes he isn't overstimulating him. That was the last thing he needed right now. “Now tell me four things you can hear.”<br/><br/>Akaashi trembles in yet another breath. “W-Well, I can hear my heart p-pounding in my ears.” He starts, burying his face in the navy blanket. “the birds outside, the wind-chime.” He pauses again, this time out of embarrassment more than anything. “y-your heartbeat.”<br/><br/>Bokuto had barely realized it himself, but the fact that Akaashi wasn't okay made his heart pound. He couldn't help it. He somehow felt responsible, like his feelings were being spared. He didn't have time to mope right now. “You’re doing great, Keiji. Now just a few more.” He curses to himself, realizing now that he’d screwed up the order. It was touch and then hear. Oh well. Too late now. “Three things you can touch.”<br/><br/>“Your suit. It’s silky.” Akaashi had been rubbing the fabric of Bokuto’s suit for quite some time now, seemingly to help ground himself faster. “The blanket around us, and,” he reaches up and places a hand on Bokuto’s cheek. “You.”<br/><br/>Bokuto feels his face heat up but he turns his head to kiss the palm of Akaashi’s hand. “Tell me two things that you can smell, and you better not say sweat. I’m worried about you, I can’t help it!”<br/><br/>“Heh-” Akaashi rumbles out a small chuckle, easing Bokuto a bit. Akaashi seemed to be finally coming back down to earth. “Fine. I can smell your aftershave. It's piney. And--” He takes a bit whiff. “I think whatever you bought that's still downstairs. French toast." <br/><br/>Bokuto hadn't bothered to close the door so, that made sense. He could smell it too. “Yeah, it’s pine and cedarwood.” He takes a deep breath himself, happy that things were going better. “Now, tell me one last thing. What can you taste?”<br/><br/>“Oranges. You.” Akaashi blurts without even thinking. His mind had been fixated on the kiss from the start, desperately wanting more, even while coming down from this state of panic. “S-Sorry! I just- my brain-” He tries to come up with some excuse. But his attempts are feeble.<br/><br/>“No more apologizing from now on.” Bokuto replies, his hand once again brushing through Akaashi’s hair. He worked carefully on the knots, trying not to cause any more unnecessary pain to the boy on his chest. “Everything you say is adorable, especially when you say my name.” </p><p>"Ah- if you say so, Bokuto~San." Akaashi mumbles back, his entire face now a deep shade of red. His whole body feels tingly, and not in the good way. In the way shaken seltzer probably feels. He's so scared. He had never told Bokuto that he had panic attacks, let alone the fact that they were becoming rather frequent recently. </p><p>"Are you feeling at least a little better now? If there's anything else I can do, tell me." Bokuto says softly, leaning his face into the warmth of Akaashi's hand on his cheek. </p><p>Akaashi had started moving his thumb, rubbing softly. He knew how comforting this was because he used to do it to himself. "No… I'm okay now….kind of…" Akaaahi inhales sharply. "Thank you….Bokuto~San. I've never had one of these in front of someone. You're the last person I expected to see. Honestly, you were the one person who could bring me down, without even knowing it." </p><p>"You have these a lot then?" Bokuto frowns. "Why didn't you tell me?  That sounds serious." </p><p>"That- that's why." Akaashi sticks his chin out and over the blanket so he can breathe a little easier. "I didn't want you to worry about me. I handle them fine all by myself. Or I just pass out and sleep them off." </p><p>"How often before today?" Bokuto asks softly. He's not sure if he wants to know the answer.</p><p>"Uhm." He darts his eyes away. He doesn't want to see the look on Bokuto’s face. "After you left… probably once a week… maybe more. I don't really keep track. I don't want to." </p><p>Bokuto sighs, placing his chin back on top of Akaasi's head. "We're getting you a therapist. And a physiatrist. Don't even try to fight me on it." </p><p>"I'm too tired to fight even if I wanted." Akaashi yawns, closing his eyes momentarily. "If I'm getting looked at then so are you. No buts." </p><p>"Fair enough.” Bokuto agrees. “If it'll make you feel better, I'll see if I can get an appointment before I go back to school in January." </p><p><em> 'Back to school…..' </em> Akaashi finds himself clinging to Bokuto just a bit tighter. He had almost forgotten that they don't go to school together anymore. Bokuto was in college, leaving Akaashi alone with the rest of their old teammates and some new first years. "Yeah. It'll make me feel a lot better." Before he can say anything else, the sound of a car door slamming outside sends him shooting upright. "Fuck." </p><p>"WHOAH- language!" Bokuto looks at Akaashi with wide eyes. "Is that your parents? Are they going to kill me?" He panics slightly. </p><p>"No-  I'll just go talk to them and explain that you came to visit me for my birthday." Akaashi starts to get up from on top of Bokuto. "It'll be fine. Just stay here.”<br/><br/>“Are you sure?” Bokuto reaches out for him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Aren't they going to notice how sad you look? Won’t they ask questions?”<br/><br/>“No.” Akaashi shakily gets up, his vision fading momentarily. “They won't. Trust me.” He turns his head around to the pouting Bokuto behind him. “What? I’m being honest. If anything they’re going to ask me to make you leave.”<br/><br/>“We can go back to my place then. If you want.” He pauses to sit upright in a more comfortable position. “I don’t think you should be alone right now.”<br/><br/>Akaashi feels his heart swell in his chest. Bokuto was being so considerate. He’s usually so loud and outspoken. But now, he was softer with his entire persona, trying to accommodate yo the anxious Akaashi who would now be even more of an important person in his life.<br/><br/>He realizes he was staring off, once again distracted by the voices echoing in his mind. He smiles softly at Bokuto. “We’ll see what happens.” He smooths out his shirt and rubs his eyes to at least attempt at looking okay. He reaches over to ruffle Bokuto’s hair. “I’ll be back soon. Don’t cause too much trouble.”<br/><br/>“I’ll try. But, you know me.” Bokuto chuckles.<br/><br/>Akaashi draws his hand back from Bokuto’s head, going over to his closet. He opens the door and pulls out a volleyball. “Here.” He tosses it over to Bokuto who has to fight the instincts that tell him to spike it to the ground. “Keep yourself entertained.”<br/><br/>“Will do, cap.”<br/><br/><br/><br/>Now with Akaashi gone, Bokuto finds a chance to process all the events that had just taken place. He lays flat on his back, beginning to toss the white, green, and red ball into the air letting his mind replay all these new memories he had experienced with Akaashi. He finds himself replaying their kiss again and again.<br/><br/><em> ‘Danm. Consent is </em> <span class="u"> <em> really </em> </span> <em> hot.’ </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> Bokuto gets torn out of his recap bubble, hearing the muffled voices and footsteps coming from downstairs. He catches the ball and places it into his lap, sitting up in the bed. He’s curious, yes. But he didn't want to do anything that could upset Akaashi or his parents. So his focus is back to the window, outside at the snow.<br/><br/>It had snowed a lot overnight. Six to eight inches at least. Bokuto was ecstatic. He really wants to jump out the window right now and roll around in it. He has at least half a brain-cell to know that it’d kill him, but he does consider it. One day, he would jump off a roof into a pile of snow. He had too.<br/><br/>“Bokuto~San.” Akaashi stands in the door frame, holding Bokuto’s backpack by the top strap. </p><p>Bokuto practically whips his head over to look at his counterpart, once again trying to read his expression as he makes his way into the room. He looks calm.</p><p>“My parents said you can stay.” Akaashi closes his bedroom door and places Bokuto’s bag on the ground next to his bed before sitting down beside him. Their knees bump slightly. “As long as you help me shovel before we do anything else.”<br/><br/>“Yeah- of course! I've been dying to go out into the snow. I went out this morning but, it’ll be way more fun now that you’re awake!” Bokuto rambles excitedly. His eyes glimmer with some sort of childlike wonder. Akaashi wished he could view things as positively as Bokuto often did.<br/><br/>“I knew you’d say that. They didn't believe it.” Akaashi looks down at his lap, fidgeting with his hands. “Yet again they don’t believe half the stuff I say, so, what's new?” He clears his throat almost immediately, regretting the words that had fallen out. “Sorry- that was...uncalled for. “<br/><br/>Bokuto shifts from his seat in the bed, wrapping his arm around Akaashi’s waist and pulling him close to his side. He doesn't ask about Akaashi's home situation because he's already heard quite a bit about it in the past. He instead kisses the boy’s cheek, resting his forehead against the side of Akaashi’s. “Let's go show them that I’m the best snow shoveler they’ve ever seen.” <br/><br/>A smile is pulled from Akaashi’s lips and he gives Bokuto a side glance. “You’re really trying to make this into another competition?” He teases.<br/><br/>“Oh, you know it.”<br/><br/><br/></p><hr/><p><br/>Hours later, the boys find themselves in Akaashi’s basement.<br/><br/><br/>The snow had begun once again, which would usually pull Bokuto out of whatever activity he was partaking in. But, his eyes were closed and Akaashi was on his lap, leaving him a bit too preoccupied to start babbling about the frozen flakes that would soon cover up the hard work the two had done earlier. They’d have to shovel again. But it didn't matter. Bokuto would be happy doing anything as long as Akaashi was with him.<br/><br/>“B-Bokuto~San.” Akaashi’s breathless, his forehead pressed to Bokuto’s and his hands on both of Bokuto's hot cheeks. “Is this what soulmates do when they meet for the first time?”<br/><br/>“Not sure.” Bokuto leans in to kiss Akaashi again. “But we’ve known each other for a while. Our situation is much different than soulmates who are meeting for the first time. Plus,” He kisses him again, waiting a bit longer before he pulls away. “I’ve been waiting for over a year to do this, maybe longer if I’m being honest with myself.” His hands glide up Akaashi’s shirt and softly squeeze his sides, absorbing the warmth his skin had to offer. Bokuto stares into Akaashi’s deep blue eyes, bathing in the blush that appeared on his cheeks. “I always looked at you differently. It wasn't until my birthday that I realized why. You came into my life for a reason. Like, I found you before I even knew it.”<br/><br/>Akaashi smiles timidly, looking at the gleaming eyes that were only inches away from his own. “I think I found you, actually.” His hands move up Bokuto’s face so he can cup it easier. “You know you’re the reason I decided to go to Fukurodani.”<br/><br/>“Oh right! I almost forgot about that!” Bokuto simpers, looking quite pleased. “I’m just such a good player that you just had to come to Fukurodani and play with me.”<br/><br/>“That's part of it, yeah.” Akaashi presses a kiss to Bokuto’s nose. “You’re also very handsome.”<br/><br/>“Oh hush-” Bokuto blushes. He loves the attention more than he cares to admit. “Weren't you saying earlier how you just realized you were into me? Into guys?”<br/><br/>“I’ve known. I just repressed it.” He breaks eye contact with Bokuto staring off out the window at the snow. “My parents won’t be happy when I tell them.”<br/><br/>“Too bad!” Bokuto removes one of his hands from under Akaashi’s shirt and uses it to turn his face back toward his own. “Soulmate breaking was outlawed last year. You, and they, are stuck with me forever.”<br/><br/>“Lucky me then.” Akaashi hugs Bokuto, burying his face into the crook of his neck. His eyes start to tear again for what felt like the twentieth time today. “You’re more perfect than I could have asked for, Bokuto~San. I’m so glad I found you...again.”<br/><br/>Bokuto smiles, hugging Akaashi back just as tight. “I'm glad you found me again too.”</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bokuto's Perspective (Part 1/2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“It’s been two years now, since your dream. When are you going to tell me about it?” </p><p>After one year on his own and one with Akaashi, Bokuto finally tells Akaashi how the other life felt from his perspective.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone! </p><p>So sorry to have to split this into two parts! It was getting extremely long (at the moment it's 28 pages on the google doc I have it on) so I decided to split it in half. I really hope you guys enjoy and are pumped for part two! </p><p>*this will have many scenes from 'In Another Life' as well as extras that I wrote myself. This story does belong to LittleLuxray, I just added some additional scenes and put it in Bokuto's perspective instead of Akaashi's.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Bokuto~San?”<br/><br/>“Hm?” Bokuto had spaced out, staring at Akaashi on the other side of the screen as he did homework. He had barely noticed the other had stopped working and was now looking at him curiously. “What's up?”<br/><br/>It was Akaashi’s first year in college, Bokuto’s second. Bokuto turned twenty last month, making Akaashi eighteen because of his late birthday.  The distance was killing them but they made it work. They had no other choice. Their pact of ‘till death do we part’ was something they stood by religiously, determined to make this life better than their past one.<br/><br/>It was October 10th, 2014 and the chilly weather was beginning to front in all of Japan’s forty-seven prefectures. The boys were both huddled in one another's sweatshirts and talking on video chat from their separate schools. Akaashi was doing his homework and so was Bokuto until he had gotten distracted while staring at Akaashi. He missed him so much it hurt.<br/><br/>“I think you already know what I'm going to ask.” Akaashi replies.<br/><br/>“Uh….” Bokuto looks at him with confusion. “If it’s why I was staring at you, the answer is that you’re very pretty and I can’t help it.” He pauses. “Oh, and I love you.” <br/><br/>Akaashi blushes softly, pushing up his glasses with his pinky. It had been almost a year now, and he still felt his insides flip whenever Bokuto complimented him. “W-Well, no that wasn't my question. But, thank you, I love you too.” He closes his textbook, leaning on his palms as he looks at Bokuto through the computer screen. “It’s been two years now, since your dream. When are you going to tell me about it?”<br/><br/>Bokuto hates this question and Akaashi knows it. But, he couldn't help but continue to ask. He wanted to know so he could help the older boy cope.<br/><br/>Although the soulmate dreams stop when the two meet for the first time (or in Bokuto and Akaashi’s case, both parties have their dream) Bokuto was still very much affected by his. Some nights he had really bad nightmares that spiraled into panic attacks. Akaashi’s nightmares were infrequent but still there. Since he had only had his dream once, he couldn't remember some parts as well as Bokuto did. Bokuto could practically recite some conversations line by line. It was scary.<br/><br/>“Kaaaaashi.” Bokuto whines. “Do you want me to have another aneurysm?”<br/><br/>“That's- not the right word to use.” The English major replies. “I’m not trying to cause you to have another panic attack. I just want to understand how things were from your perspective so the next time you do have a nightmare, I can help you out more.”<br/><br/>Bokuto sighs, shaking his head. “Trust me, you help me out the best you can. There's not much else to tell you honestly.” He lies. There was a lot more to the story. A lot of things Akaashi didn’t know about. But, Bokuto knew it’d break his heart. He didn't want to do that to him a second time.<br/><br/>“ Kōtarō,” Akaashi speaks sternly. A frown is plastered on his face. “Please don’t lie to me.”<br/><br/>“I- I wasn't!” Bokuto stutters. He doesn't know what else to say. He doesn’t want to dig himself into a hole but he really wants to avoid telling Akaashi for at least a little longer. “How about…. I tell you in person when I see you during break?” He blurts. <em>‘WAIT- NO. That’s too soon! What if he’s not ready? What if I'm not ready? Shiitake mushrooms, why did I even- UGH!’ </em><br/><br/>Akaashi’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open. This sure was a turn of events. “Can I record you saying that so you can’t deny it when I see you on the first?”<br/><br/>“Uh- ah- no! No, you can’t! I didn't mean to say that! It just- it just came out!” Bokuto stammers quickly, trying to get out of the situation. “Uh- hey hey-- did you know I have a really important game tomorrow! It’s streaming on my school’s website!”<br/><br/>“You told me earlier.” Akaashi replies. “You know when you blurt stuff by accident, it's your subconscious trying to get you to tell me, right?”<br/><br/>Bokuto grumbles and begins to pout. He puts the hood of Akaashi’s sweatshirt over his head and pulls the strings tightly to cover his face. “Goodnight.”<br/><br/>“Bokuto~San.” Akaashi coos. He reaches forward to take the hood off Bokuto's head and his hand crashes into the screen. He frowns again, forgetting that he can’t do that. “I’m just trying to help you. I want to understand what you’re going through. It’s not fair that you have to remember everything and I only remember occasional bits and pieces.”<br/><br/>Bokuto’s eyes tear up just thinking about it. The pain. The jolts that went through him whenever he tried to go to sleep. He starts to feel guilty for not telling Akaashi. So what, he had to go through death every day for a year. Akaashi had to watch it once and he still had nightmares about it! Akaashi was right. This wasn’t fair.<br/><br/>Bokuto sighs, speaking with the hoodie strings still drawn tight. “December first.”<br/><br/>Akaashi smiles. “December first.”<br/><br/></p><hr/><p>A soft thud echoes through Akaashi’s empty house as he’s pinned against the wall.<br/><br/>Akaashi had just picked up Bokuto from his parent's house. The two of them had a long day of traveling and unpacking so they decided to meet up later that night when they were both settled down and rested. It was almost 6 pm by the time they had walked in the door and it was completely dark outside. Inside the house though it’s brightly lit and surprisingly warm. Dinner had been picked up from their favorite ramen place and placed on the dining room table. It was soon forgotten about, as Bokuto can’t seem to tear himself away from Akaashi.<br/><br/>Bokuto kisses Akaashi softly, enjoying the subtle shaky breathing that had already begun. He loves every reaction Akaashi has to offer, no matter how embarrassing Akaashi may think they are. He could tease him for hours if he wanted to and still not get enough. He’s feeling particularly needy right now, so he doesn’t.<br/><br/>They haven't even gotten upstairs yet and Bokuto is already tugging at Akaashi’s shirt. He wants it off. He wants to feel Akaashi’s skin against his. It's been four months since they’ve seen each other in person, let alone been somewhere alone with no interruptions from family and friends. Their weekly, ahem <em>intimate</em> phone calls were nice and all, usually taking the edge off. But now that they were back in person, nothing was holding Bokuto back.<br/><br/>“Hey…. B-Bokuto~San…” Akaashi mumbles breathlessly, tilting his head back as Bokuto begins to trail down his neck. His legs quiver and he leans a hand on the railing of the stairs to keep his balance. He wants more. He always does. But, they had an entire month to do this. They could do this all day if they wanted to. But, Bokuto had promised that he’d talk.<br/><br/>Bokuto pulls back and looks at Akaashi. “I’m sorry- did I hurt you? I thought it’d be okay to push you against the wall since we talked about it the other day.” He’s talking a mile a minute and his heart is thumping out of his chest.<br/><br/>“No-no that's not it.” Akaashi brushes some hair out of Bokuto’s eyes so he can see him clearer. “You- uh- you said you’d tell me about your dream. It’s December first.”<br/><br/>“Oh.” Bokuto frowns. “You still remember that conversation then.” He leans in to kiss him once again before burying his face in the crook of Akaashi’s neck. “I thought that if I distracted you, you’d forget.”<br/><br/>“Nice try.” Akaashi pushes Bokuto back by the forehead, forcing the eye contact. “You promised. No getting out of it now. We have all month to be… you know.” He flusters himself with the comment.<br/><br/>Bokuto frowns again. He really doesn’t want to do this. “Dinner first. Then cuddles and I’ll talk.”<br/><br/>Akaashi nods, softly smiling. “Okay, sounds good.”</p><p><br/><br/><br/>After a long diner and almost two hours of catching up, the boys retreat back to Akaashi’s room. His parents would be home soon and while they came off to be supportive, Akaashi didn't really believe it. He tried to keep Bokuto as far away from them as possible when they were home. He couldn't risk the fact they could say something to embarrass Akaashi or worse, something rude to Bokuto.<br/><br/>“I don’t even know where to start.” Bokuto’s face is buried in Akaashi’s chest, the younger boy holding him close and playing with the frosted tufts of his hair.<br/><br/>“Just- start from the beginning.” Akaashi replies, placing his chin on Bokuto’s head. “I know it’s going to be hard to recite all of this to me so take your time. I want to understand more of your perspective so I can help you so please don’t leave anything out. I can take it.  If one of us does end up freaking out, we always do a good job at calming each other down. So there's nothing to worry about.” <br/><br/>“There's plenty to worry about.” Bokuto mumbles. “Like how you’ll react. How I'll react. Even though I told Kuroo, I didn't tell him everything. No one knows my full side of the story.”<br/><br/>“Talking is healing, Bokuto~San.” Akaashi kisses his head softly. “Just start whenever you're  ready.”<br/><br/>Bokuto sighs, getting himself comfortable in Akaashi’s arms. He could already tell it was going to be a long and emotional night. “I guess I’ll start from the night before my birthday.”<br/><br/></p><hr/><p>Akaashi: (<em> new message at 9:52 pm September 19th, 2012)  </em></p><p>[Good luck tonight. With your soulmate thing.] </p><p>[And don't stay up all night. Go to sleep.]<br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto:<em> (sent at 9:53 pm September 19th, 2012) </em></p><p>[I know Akaashi. I'll go to bed soon! I'm just so zazzed ya know!!]<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: <em> (replied at 9:53 pm)  </em></p><p>[Take your melatonin]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em> (sent at 9:53 pm) </em></p><p>[smart!! I almost forgot I had that!]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em> (replied at 9:54 pm)  </em></p><p>[If you text me after 11 pm I will not hesitate to slap you tomorrow]<br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto shakes his head and gets up from his bed, leaving his phone on his nightstand. He heads off to his shared bathroom that was unoccupied due to the fact his sisters were both in college. He missed them, even though they were always bugging him about stuff and hogging the bathroom. He makes a mental note to message them, either today or tomorrow.<br/><br/>He steps into the bathroom and opens the medicine cabinet, pulling out the yellow bottle. Inside were dozens of round, red, strawberry-flavored gummies that Akaashi had insisted on buying for him. He thought Bokuto needed to “chill out” and this was the only solution. He had only taken the gummies once, the night before a big game. He was too pumped up to sleep and they had really helped him. He was hoping they would do the same tonight. It was a big night after all, even if it was just a dream. He would be meeting his soulmate.<br/><br/>Bokuto twists off the childproof cap and pulls out two of the gummies. He chews on them happily as he puts the bottle back in the cabinet and thinks to himself. <em> ‘Gosh, where would I be without Akaashi to remind me about this stuff? Probably dead by now. I’m lucky to have him.’<br/><br/></em> Bokuto brushes his teeth before heading in for the night. His parents had already gone to bed, leaving him the last one awake in the house. Not for much longer though, thanks to the gummies he had just taken. He plops down on his bed, reaching for his phone and responding to Akaashi.<br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto: <em> (sent at 9:57 pm)  </em></p><p>[:(( even on my birthday?]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em> (replied at 9:58 pm)  </em></p><p>[Yes]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em> (sent at 9:58 pm)  </em></p><p>[I don't think you will ]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em> (replied at 10:00 pm) </em></p><p>[I don't think you know me as well as you think then.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em> (sent at 10:00 pm)  </em></p><p>[aH OKAY OKAY!!! please don't hit me I took the melatonin]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em> (replied at 10:01 pm) </em> </p><p>[You better have.]<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto stares at the message for a little bit, trying to figure out what to say next. He was always the one who had to initiate conversations. Akaashi wasn't very good at them and they both knew it.<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em>(sent at 10:03 pm)</em><br/><br/>[I’m scared]<br/><br/><br/>It took Akaashi a bit longer to reply, as he himself was having trouble figuring out what to say.<br/><br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em>(replied at 10:06 pm)</em><br/><br/>[Why? It’s just a dream.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em>(sent at 10:06 pm)</em><br/><br/>[I know. But what if it’s sad?]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em>(replied at 10:06 pm)</em><br/><br/>[You can always talk about it with someone. Maybe your parents?]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em>(sent at 10:07 pm) </em><br/><br/>[you’ll be the first person to hear about it in the morning ]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi:<em> (replied at 10:07 pm)</em><br/><br/>[Lucky me :sarcastic face: ]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em>(sent at 10:07 pm )</em><br/><br/>[you are!! who else would save me from my own stupidity?]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em>(replied at 10:08 pm)</em><br/><br/>[You’d probably be dead by now.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em>(sent at 10:08 pm)</em><br/><br/>[I was thinking that before!! :0 are you in my head? ]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em>(replied at 10:08 pm)</em><br/><br/>[Goodnight Bokuto~San.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: <em>(sent at 10:09 pm)</em><br/><br/>[Fine &gt;:( goodnight Akaashi]<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto sighs and plugs his phone in. He puts it face down on his bedside table and turns off the lights in his room. He knows that even if he does text Akaashi again, he won't respond because he wants him to go to sleep. It’s probably for the best anyways.<br/><br/>He stares up at the ceiling, his mind swirling. <em>‘Am I really turning eighteen tomorrow? I'm going to be so old now. I hope I live for a long time, like till I'm 130. That’d be cool. I’d be the oldest volleyball player alive! What if I die without meeting my soulmate? What are they going to do? HOW WOULD THEY EVEN KNOW?!?! Oh my god I’m so scared. Shit.’ </em><br/><br/>Bokuto finds himself breathing erratically, his heart pounding. This was….new. He had never been this scared without a good reason. Was this a good reason to be scared? He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything right now. <em><br/></em><em><br/></em>Bokuto pulls up his blankets and closes his eyes. ‘<em>I just need to go to sleep. If I do, the dream will start and everything will be fine! Even if it’s not fine, what's the worst that could happen?’</em><br/><br/></p><hr/><p><em> ‘Huh? Where am I?’ </em><br/><br/>Bokuto opens his eyes. He’s in the back of a car, a car that’s speeding to get somewhere. His head is pounding and he’s seeing double so he once again squeezes his eyes shut. His stomach is in knots. What was going on? Was his head in someone's lap?<br/><br/>“Kuroo. He’s coming too.” A soft familiar voice speaks. He can feel a hand reach to touch his forehead. The hands are cold and callused. “He’s still hot.”<br/><br/>“You bet I am.” Bokuto mumbles, groaning as he yet again attempts to open his eyes. He looks up to be met with the cat-like eyes that belong to no other than Kozume Kenma, Kuroo’s best friend. “What's-- what is this? Where are we going?”<br/><br/>“Bokuto! Shit- what the hell! You scared me!” Kuroo’s rough voice speaks. He’s in the front seat driving the car but he looks at Bokuto through the rearview mirror. “Do you remember what happened?”<br/><br/>“I-” Bokuto's brain draws a blank and he rubs his face with his hands. “No. I don’t remember anything. I don’t even remember waking up this morning.”<br/><br/>“You passed out. We were playing volleyball for old times sake. Kurroo dragged me along. I wanted to stay home and play Minecraft.” Kenma replies.<br/><br/>“Kenma!” Kuroo shoots him a ‘not now’ type glance before focusing back on the road. “He’s not lying. That’s what happened.” They seem to be pulling into a parking lot now. “We’re at the hospital now and we’re getting you looked at. Okay?”<br/><br/>“What? No-no I’m fine.” Bokuto begins to sit up, his world spinning out of control. He shuts his eyes again. “I’m just tired. I guess I didn't get enough sleep last night. Just take me home.”<br/><br/>“Bokuto.” Kuroo had parked the car and turned it off, now being able to fully turn his body back to look at his friend. “This is the third time in the past two weeks that this has happened.”<br/><br/>“Huh?” Bokuto rubs his eyes. “What are you talking about? This has never happened before.”<br/><br/>“You say that,” Kenma pauses, taking a deep breath. “every time.”<br/><br/>“I do?” Bokuto looks at him with wide eyes. “Then why can’t I remember…..”<br/><br/>“There's something else. You were telling us right before you passed out.” Kuroo looks at Bokuto with the most concern that Bokuto had ever seen on him “You said you haven't slept for more than two hours in the past month.”<br/><br/>“I-  what?”</p><p>
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</p><p>A few hours later, Bokuto finds himself in a hospital room. He’d finally been admitted when the hospital staff realized he’d been here so many times in the past few weeks. It was just a precaution, plus the fact that he had hit his head pretty hard when he passed out earlier.<br/><br/>Kuroo tried his best to reassure Bokuto that everything would be fine, but it seemed like he was saying it more to himself than Bokuto.<br/><br/>The three of them sat in Bokuto’s room, playing Uno with a deck that Kuroo had bought in the gift shop to help pass the time. They were waiting on test results. A lot of test results. Blood tests, an MRI, a CT scan, and some other tests that they couldn't remember the names of. But, why would they try to remember? The point of this Uno game was to distract them from the inevitable future diagnosis of something horrible.<br/><br/>“Uno.”<br/><br/>Kuroo and Bokuto both groan, glaring at their blonde-haired friend. It was like whatever game he played, he could win! These two competitive boys weren't about to lose to him.<br/><br/>Bokuto places down a green four. “Kuroo, please, take the win for us.”<br/><br/>“I got this, don’t worry.” Kuroo puts down a red four and looks at Kenma with a Cheshire grin.<br/><br/>Kenma places down his card on the pile. It’s a wild card. “I win.”<br/><br/>“Damn it Kenma!” Kuroo slams the rest of his cards down on the bed.<br/><br/>Bokuto chuckles, watching Kuroo playfully nudge Kenma as he complains about how skilled he was without even trying. It made Kenma blush a little, though he tried to play it off.<br/><br/>For a second, Bokuto finds himself forgetting where he is and why he was here. It felt like any normal Saturday. Hanging out with Kuroo and Kenma, watching as Kuroo makes moves on Kenma, who is too blind to notice it. He’d cherish these moments. </p><p>Suddenly, he’s brought back to the current world. He almost felt like he nodded off for a second. Right outside the door, Kuroo is arguing with one of the nurses who was overseeing Bokuto. After a few minutes of back and forth, the nurse walks off and Kuroo comes back into the room.<br/><br/>“Visiting hours just ended.” Kuroo says with a sigh. “I tried to talk her into letting me stay. But I’m not family so she wouldn't allow it.”<br/><br/>“It’s just one night. I’ll be out of here before you know it!” Bokuto replies with an encouraging smile.<br/><br/>Kuroo scratches the back of his neck. He doesn't understand how Bokuto is taking this whole hospitalization thing so well. It seemed serious from what he could tell. Maybe it was better to try and keep that thought out of Bokuto’s mind.<br/><br/>“Yeah, you’re right. Even so, you better text me if anything happens tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow too.” Kuroo sits down on the side of Bokuto’s bed. “Have you messaged your family yet?”<br/><br/>Bokuto shakes his head. “I don’t want to worry them with nothing. Making them come all the way out here just to find out I'm an insomniac or something would be stupid.”<br/><br/>Kuroo nods uncertainly. “I guess. If anything changes and you don’t message them, I’m going to do it for you.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, yeah I get it. I’m the one in the hospital bed yet you’re the one who’s so worked up.” Bokuto begins to baby talk to him. “Aw, do you care about me that much?” Bokuto puffs his lips out, enjoying the fact he’s teasing Kuroo.<br/><br/>“Shut up you horned owl bastard.” Kuroo folds his arms over his chest and glares at Bokuto. “I’ll be back tomorrow, whether you like it or not.”<br/><br/>“Fine, fine. Be like that.” Bokuto sits in a relaxed position against the hospital bed frame. “But don’t complain when you waste all your time here to find out that I'm completely fine.”<br/><br/>“I won’t.” </p><hr/><p>A few days pass.<br/><br/>Kuroo comes in every day that he can and keeps Bokuto company as they await the test results. The MRI and the CT were inconclusive, so Bokuto soon is put through a sleep study, and his blood is sent away for genetic testing.<br/><br/>Things were getting serious. Yet, Bokuto still kept on a brave face. Kuroo had no choice but to do the same. It wasn't until a warm day in June did everything cave in. <br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“Mr. Bokuto, a moment of your time please?”<br/><br/>A nurse ushered Kuroo out of the room, but he didn't go very far. He stood outside the door and listened to what the doctor's prognosis of Bokuto’s condition was once his parents had gotten on the phone.<br/><br/>“From the sleep study and the genetic tests we had done on your blood, we’ve come to a conclusion that you have a disease called FFI or, Fatal Familial Insomnia.” The female doctor says. A grim look rests on her face as she holds her clipboard to her chest.<br/><br/>Bokuto zones out once his mom asks what the disease does to a person, and if it can be cured. He doesn't want to hear it. This wasn’t happening. It couldn't be. He picks up bits and pieces of the conversation but tries to block the rest out.<br/><br/><em>“Dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system.” </em><br/><br/><em>“It’s caused by an abnormal variant in the prion-related protein (PRPN) gene.” </em><br/><br/><em>“Progressive dementia.” </em><br/><br/><em>“There is no known cure.” </em><br/><br/><em>“It often causes death within a year or two of symptoms starting.”</em><br/><br/>He can hear his mom sobbing. His sisters mumble something along the lines of “this can’t be happening.” and “no, not Bo.” His dad even sounds upset. Yet, Bokuto sits in his bed, still smiling and reassuring everyone that he’d be okay and that they didn’t need to worry. They all cry harder.<br/><br/>Bokuto watches calmly as his world crumbles right in front of his eyes.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p>It’s now a week and a half later. Bokuto has become a prisoner in the hospital for two weeks at this point. Other than the fact that he can’t sleep, he feels fine. The hospital staff was worried about him passing out again and they wanted to monitor how his condition was progressing. It was mostly his parents doing. They were finally flying in today, along with his sisters, to help Bokuto begin to clean out his apartment.<br/><br/>Today was the first day in weeks he had gotten dressed in actual clothes (though the sweatpants and crew neck shirts provided were pretty comfortable) and been able to leave the hospital. As he walks down the halls cheerily, someone almost crashes into him.<br/><br/>“Sorry.” The man mutters before continuing to walk forward.<br/><br/>“It’s alright.” Bokuto replies. He pauses in place and watches the other person as he walks a few more feet and then stops in place. <em><br/></em><em><br/></em><em>‘Hm, this could be interesting. I have time.’</em> He thinks before walking over to where this other person stood. He stares for a moment. <em>‘Wow… yeah he’s…. beautiful.’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>He begins to reach out his hand to wave it in front of the others face. When the noirette moves back slightly and looks at him in confusion, Bokuto smiles. “Oh, you can move.”<br/><br/>"Is there something wrong with me standing here?" The boy asked.</p><p>"No, I don't think so." Bokuto brings his hand back to his side, pinching himself slightly. This scenario almost felt like a dream to him. Thankfully (and also sadly) Bokuto discovers that he is in fact wide awake. "Why did you stop so suddenly? Are you alright?"</p><p>The boy responds blankly. "I'm fine. I was just thinking." </p><p>"Of what?" Bokuto blurts. He’s now completely focused on whoever this calm-looking boy was. He hasn't seen him around before. Part of him wishes that he’s a new patient. But the other part of him hopes that he’ll never have to deal with pain ever again.</p><p>"Of this hospital.” He responds. “I've realized that I don't want to come here anymore."<br/><br/>Bokuto shifts in nervousness and excitement. This may be a promising new experience for a friend and he would not be passing it up. Ever since Kuroo got that summer job, he hadn't been around as much. Bokuto was lonely. “Were you sick? Are you checking out?”<br/><br/>"No. I'm not sick, but this place makes me feel like I am." He answers coldly.<br/><br/>Bokuto doesn't let his smile waver. "I feel the same about this place, honestly." He pauses for a moment, trying not to let the disappointment get to him. "So you must be leaving soon, then."</p><p>"Yeah." He shifts toward where he had been previously walking to the front doors. Without a second glance, he begins to walk away. "Goodbye."</p><p><em> ‘Shit- I can’t just- no. It’s fine.’ </em> Bokuto internally fights with himself before chasing after the quieter boy. "Hey, hey!" He calls.</p><p>The other boy promptly turns his head. "What?"</p><p>"What's your name?" Bokuto asks. It’s the only non-invasive question he can think of.</p><p>"You don't need to know."</p><p>Bokuto feels his chest pang a little bit. "I understand. But for what it's worth, my name is Bokuto."</p><p>The other boy gives him a slight nod before making his way out of the building. Bokuto is so fixated on him that he doesn't notice the buzzing of his phone in his pocket. His parents had just arrived at the hospital and needed to find him so he could check out for the day.<br/><br/>He was excited to see his family, yes. But part of him wished that he could be spending the day with this mysterious boy instead. <br/><br/></p><hr/><p>After two more insufferable weeks of trying to sleep, seeing his family, hanging out with Kuroo, and idling around the hospital, Bokuto’s wishes of seeing that mysterious boy are finally granted.<br/><br/>He doesn't even think before calling out to him. He’s been planning this moment in his head for a while. What else was a guy to do when he was awake for 23 out of the 24 hours of the day?<br/><br/>“Hey! Hey- it’s you!” He calls excitedly.<br/><br/>His not so excited acquaintance sighs heavily and turns around. “Bokuto.”<br/><br/>Bokuto grins wickedly. “Apathy~kun.”<br/><br/>"Don't call me that." He stuffs the sheets he was holding into his bag.<br/><br/>Over the two weeks, Bokuto had learned that this boy was an occasional volunteer in the hospital on account of his parents' wishes. He had even learned his name. Keiji Akaashi. Bokuto refused to use it until he was told himself. He didn't want to seem like <b>that</b> much of a stalker.</p><p>"I thought you said you weren't ever going to set foot in here again." Bokuto says excitedly.<br/><br/>"I didn't say exactly that..." Akaashi replies.</p><p>"But it was implied!"<br/><br/>Akaashi narrows his eyes. “Yes, it was implied.”<br/><br/>From their short conversation, Bokuto can sense how smart he is. He wants to know more about him. He wants to be Akaashi’s friend. He needs to be Akaashi’s friend.<br/><br/>"Ah-uh, one second-."Bokuto starts when Akaashi tries to leave.</p><p>"I have to go, Bokuto." He starts to walk away, probably to go wherever he was supposed to bring those papers to.</p><p>"If you would please listen." Bokuto bows. "Please, it will only take a second."</p><p>Akaashi huffs and turns back around. "What is it? I really have to go."</p><p><em> ‘Bingo!’ </em> Bokuto feels himself light up as stands up straight and draws his phone out of his jacket pocket. “Can I have your number?”</p><p>"I... don't... usually text," Akaashi murmurs, keeping his eyes locked on Bokuto’s phone gripped in his hand. "I'm often busy. Keeping in contact with me wouldn't be a good idea."</p><p>Bokuto feels all his energy drain again. He suddenly realizes how tired he was. And cold. How could he even be cold in summer, and while wearing a jacket? <em> ‘So much for that….’ </em> He begins to put his phone away.</p><p>"But– I guess I could find some time to talk every so often." Akaashi looks up to be met with Bokuto's glittering eyes and signature smile. </p><p>Bokuto hands Akaashi his phone. Akaashi enters his number, leaving his name out of the contact.<br/><br/>Bokuto has to keep himself from profusely thanking him. He stares at the digits for a second before looking up happily at Akaashi. "Thank you." He looks back down and starts to type in the nickname he had previously given his companion. "A-p-a-t-h-y—k-u-n."</p><p>"You don't have to put that." He sighs. "It's... Akaashi."<br/><br/>“Akaashi.” Bokuto says the name aloud as he types. “We have an owl theme going on.”<br/><br/>“Huh?” Akaashi looks at him with confusion. “Doesn’t your name mean katana?”<br/><br/>“Oh, yeah.” Bokuto puts his phone in his pocket. “But my friend Kuroo says I look like an owl,” He waves his hand between the two of them. “so it’s kind of a recurring theme.”<br/><br/>Akaashi nods. “Mm. I see.” He pauses. “I should…. get going now.”<br/><br/>“Right!” Bokuto smiles. “I’ll text you!”<br/><br/>“I’m sure you will.”<br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p>That night, Bokuto messages him.<br/><br/>At first, he hesitates because it’s so late. But there was that small voice in the back of his head urging him to do it. Deep down, he knew didn't have much time left. He had to do things while he still could and live his life with no regrets.</p><p><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>Sent at 11:56 pm, July 29th, 2014</em>)</p><p>[Hey! I hope this isn't a bad time!]<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto stares at the text for a while. Some could say he was eager. If you asked him, he would just say it was because he was bored. There wasn't much to do. No one to talk to. Everyone was asleep, except for him of course. A few nurses came around periodically to check on people through the night. Sometimes they stayed and talked with him a bit. But tonight, it was quiet.<br/><br/>Bokuto spent most of the night staring at the screen, waiting for a reply. Or he did from what he remembered. Sometimes he felt himself nodding off for a bit. Even if it was only for a few minutes, it helped him replenish his energy. Then he was back to staring.<br/><br/>It was almost seventeen hours later when Bokuto finally got a reply. He was walking around the hospital when he got the message and he practically squeaked from the excitement.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: (<em> New message at 4:43 pm, July 30th, 2014 </em>)</p><p>[Hello.]<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto grins. He sits down on a nearby bench and types his response eagerly. <br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>Bokuto: (<em> sent at 4:43 pm </em>)</p><p>[Hey hey heyyyyy!]<br/>[I must have texted you while you were asleep!]<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: (<em> replied at 4:44 pm </em>)</p><p>[Yeah, that must've been the case.]<br/>[You say "Hey" a lot, Bokuto.]<br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto: (<em> sent at 4:44 pm </em>)</p><p>[I know! It's kind of my thing!]<br/>[How are you today?]<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: (<em> replied at 4:45 pm </em>)</p><p>[I'm well, thank you... Just catching up on some volleyball things...]<br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto: (<em> sent at 4:45 pm </em>)</p><p>[VOLLEYBALL?! You like volleyball too?! WE HAVE TO PLAY TOGETHER.]<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: (<em> sent at 4:45 pm </em>)</p><p>[Uh, sure. I mean, will they let you out of the hospital?]<br/><br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto freezes. He hadn't thought of that part. <em> ‘Well, they let me go out with my parents. And I went out with Kuroo and Kenma a few times. It should be fine!’ </em> <em><br/><br/><br/></em></p><p>Bokuto: (<em> sent at 4:46 pm </em>)</p><p>[I guess. I can still walk around and get to where I have to go! Pretty much the only thing wrong with me is that I can't sleep!]<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: (<em> replied at 4:46 pm </em>)</p><p>[Then I guess I'll see you at the hospital around a week or two from now. I know a gymnasium we can go to...]<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto can’t help but let his jaw drop. <br/><br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto: (<em> sent at 4:46 pm </em>)</p><p>[A WEEK OR TWO?!]<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: (<em> replied at 4:48 pm </em>)</p><p>[Is that too long a wait? I can probably reschedule...]<br/><br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto sighs. Akaashi was being super nice to him. The least he could do was wait for him to have some free time. It wasn't like they were bound together by some supernatural force.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>Bokuto: (<em> sent at 4:48 pm </em>)</p><p>[Nah, it's alright! I guess I can wait that long. I've got time.]<br/><br/></p><p>Akaashi: (<em> replied at 4:49 pm </em>)</p><p>[Great. I'll see you then.]<br/><br/><br/></p><p><br/>A week before Bokuto’s scheduled volleyball meeting with Akaashi, Kuroo comes in unexpectedly for a visit. It’s been a while since he’s been in and a while since the two have even talked. Bokuto is pretty excited to tell him about what's been going on.<br/><br/>“So what, you’re going to replace me with volunteer kid?” Kuroo asks with his arms crossed. He’s sitting next to Bokuto’s bed in an armchair.<br/><br/>“First of all, he has a name. It’s Akaashi. Also, he visits me more than you do so maybe if you don't want to be replaced you should come in more!” Bokuto pouts.<br/><br/>Kuroo sighs. “You do know I have a job to work right? How do you think I have the money to buy Kenma so many games all the time?”</p><p>“You’re a simp.” Bokuto laughs.<br/><br/>“Wh-” Kuroo sits up in his chair. “What did you just call me?”<br/><br/>“Simp.” Bokuto sits criss-cross on his bed and grins at his friend's reaction. “It’s a new term I learned on Urban dictionary one night when I was really bored.”<br/><br/>Kuroo shakes his head. “Of course you did. What does it mean?”<br/><br/>“Not telling.” Bokuto sticks his tongue out.<br/><br/>Kuroo furrows his brows. He’s getting a little agitated. “Bokuto.”<br/><br/>“Kuroo.”<br/><br/>Kuroo gets up from his seat rather abruptly. “I hate you.”<br/><br/>“No, you don’t. Why else would you be here?” Bokuto asks, looking up at him.<br/><br/>Kuroo lets out an angry-sounding breath. He turns his back to Bokuto. “Because I feel bad for you!”<br/><br/>“Huh?” Bokuto looks at him with confusion. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>"I- " Kuroo looks down on the floor. "Nothing. I didn't say that." </p><p>"That's not fair." Bokuto begins to get up from his bed. "You can't just say something like that and then pretend you didn't say it!" He reaches to grab Kuroo's arm but Kuroo moves before he can. </p><p>"You don't have much time left. I guess I should tell you huh?" He turns around and looks at Bokuto. "Sit back down." </p><p>Bokuto nods and sits back down on his bed. Kuroo doesn't sit back down. He walks around the room before standing in place near the door with his back to Bokuto.</p><p>"I never liked you, Bokuto." He starts. </p><p>Bokuto feels his heart drop. "Kuroo, this isn't funny anymore." His voice breaks. "Cut it out." </p><p>"It's not a joke." Kuroo clears his throat. "I was only ever friends with you because I felt bad. No one ever wanted to be around you because they couldn't keep up. You looked so sad." He sighs. "So one day I went up to you and you trapped me. I had no choice but to just play along and be your friend." He turns back to Bokuto. "I'm done lying to you. I don't want to sit here with you while you die and make you think I was your best friend." </p><p>"Oh…" Bokuto's voice trails. He feels like he's being stabbed in the chest. "So… all these years have been a lie? Kenma too? You guys didn't mean any of it?"</p><p>Kuroo shakes his head. "Nope. None of it." </p><p>"Why?" Bokuto shakes and he once again gets up from the bed. "Why would you do that?" </p><p>Kuroo turns to face him. He watches as Bokuto's legs give out and he collapses a few feet away from Kuroo. "I don't know. I was bored." </p><p>"Bored. Yeah." Bokuto chokes out a sob and he stares at Kuroo's feet. He begins to raise his voice as his emotions spiral out of control. "Was I a game to you?" </p><p>"Yes, actually." Kuroo looks down at Bokuto. "I get off on other people's pain." </p><p>Bokuto's eyes widen. He tries to lift his head to look at Kuroo but everything is blurring. Even Kuroo himself seems to be fading in and out right in front of his eyes. "This… isn't you, Kuroo. Who are you? What did you do with him?" </p><p>"Mr. Bokuto!" A nurse suddenly rushes into the room and begins to help Bokuto up. "Are you alright? Why are you on the floor." </p><p>Bokuto feels like his entire body had turned to jelly. He can't stop shaking. "Did you not just hear all the crap Kuroo said to me? I think I have a right to be on the floor." He mumbles as the nurse helps him to his feet and over to the bed. </p><p>"Oh, Kuroo huh?" The nurse looks over to the space where Bokuto had been laying on the floor. "Is he here?" </p><p>"Yes." Bokuto rubs his eyes, as a steady stream of tears was still falling down his cheeks. "He's right there." Bokuto points a finger in the direction of where Kuroo was standing. "He's apparently a big jerk." </p><p>The nurse looks over and sighs. She grabs a few tissues and hands them to Bokuto before sitting down on the bed. "This may be hard to hear." She looks at Bokuto with a serious look in her eyes. "I'm afraid you're hallucinating, Mr. Bokuto." </p><p>"Oh, really?" Bokuto looks up to where Kuroo was standing. He has this evil grin on his face, one Bokuto only remembered seeing on him when he blocked one of Bokuto's powerful spikes. "So he's… that was a fake conversation I just had with him?" </p><p>The nurse nods. "Yes. I'm sorry. We knew the hallucinations were coming soon. Sorry for not warning you more." </p><p>"Mm, it's fine." Bokuto lays back and looks at the ceiling. "As long as that wasn't real, I don't care." </p><p>"You d--" She stops herself. "I suppose that's a positive way to think about it." She slowly gets up from the bed and pulls some of the covers onto Bokuto. "Try to get some rest. I'm sure that was stressful for you. Would you like me to grab you something to eat?" </p><p>Bokuto shakes his head. "No, I'm not hungry." He pauses. "But thank you." </p><p>The nurse nods. "No problem. I'll be right outside if you need me for anything. Or if you want to talk." </p><p>Bokuto nods silently. The nurse takes this as her cue to step out of the room. </p><p>"Well, secrets out." Kuroo speaks. "Sad. I was going to mess with you more." </p><p>"Shut up." Bokuto mumbles and grabs his phone. He had to settle this or else it'd be on his mind for days. Kuroo should be out of work by now. He clicks on his contact list and hesitates over Kuroo's name. </p><p><em> 'What if he does hate me? I shouldn't bother him. It'll make him hate me more.' </em> He thinks. </p><p>Bokuto puts his phone down and stares at the ceiling for a few moments. He feels his eyes tear up and he furiously wipes them away.</p><p> He shoves a pillow over his mouth and screams. </p><hr/><p>"Akaashi!"</p><p>Bokuto practically runs out of the front doors to meet Akaashi in the parking lot. He knew a nurse was standing at the door watching him and he really didn't want to get in trouble for running so he tried to slow his roll a bit as he made his way up to Akaashi.</p><p>"I haven't set foot outside in weeks." Bokuto looked around excitedly, taking mental pictures of his surroundings like it'd be the last time he stepped outside. He put his hands into the pockets of his hood and hunched over. Jogging over here probably wasn't the best idea.  He looked at Akaashi and waited for him to speak. His nerves jittered.<br/><br/><em> 'Please. Let this be a good day.' </em> He thinks.<br/><br/>He didn't want Akaashi to see him on a bad day. That’d ruin everything.</p><p>"The gymnasium's about ten minutes that way." Akaashi points down the road to the left. </p><p>"Then let's go!" Bokuto begins to walk forward and listens as Akaashi trails behind him. </p><p>He keeps a smile on his face, chatting to Akaashi as they walk down the street. But of course, that same paranoid voice in the back of his head won't shut up. </p><p>
  <em> 'Maybe Akaashi isn't real either.'<br/></em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>After an afternoon of volleyball, Bokuto can barely believe he talked Akaashi into letting him stay over at his house. He can't even believe the hospital staff had said yes. Probably because they knew and trusted Akaashi and his house was close to the hospital. Bokuto was lucky. This could be one of the last times he was allowed out of the hospital for all he knew.<br/><br/>Once Bokuto had settled, nestled up in his jacket, Akaashi’s jacket, and a blanket, he sat quietly and watched the movie. He was aware of Akaashi next to him, especially when he began to nod off about an hour or so into the movie. He couldn't help but stare at him for a while, jealous of how at peace he looked when he slept. It reminded him of how he looked when he slept and the countless pictures his sisters had taken of blackmail when he was asleep as a kid. He’d found himself looking back at those pictures recently. He never imagined he would miss going to sleep this much.<br/><br/>The soft pitter-patter of rain began soon after Akaashi had fallen asleep. A pit grew in Bokuto’s chest and he tried to focus on the movie as best as he could. He hated thunderstorms the most. Thankfully this was just rain so he didn't have to worry about spiraling too much. Hopefully it stayed this calm, well it wasn't calm but if there was no thunder Bokuto would be okay with it. The only person who could talk him down was Kuroo and Bokuto hadn't spoken to him ever since the whole hallucination situation a week ago. This would not be the best way to break his silence to his rooster headed friend.<br/><br/>"Bokuto?" Akaashi’s sleep ridden voice snapped Bokuto out of his thoughts. He looked over at Akaashi and watched as he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "I'm sorry. I've watched this movie so many times, I actually fell asleep." Akaashi dragged a hand down his face.</p><p>"Don't be sorry." Bokuto smiled. "It's your house. You sleep if you want to."</p><p>"Not if I have a visitor over." Akaashi replied.</p><p>"It's fine. I'm not just some visitor, after all. We're friends." Bokuto looked back at the movie. He had gotten pretty invested at this point. "You were out for about an hour."<br/><br/>Akaashi sighed and shifted in the bed.<br/><br/>Bokuto let the words slip out of his mouth without thinking. "I envy you. I wish I could sleep like that again."<br/><br/>Akaashi was silent before responding with a "How... insensitive of me..." </p><p>"Don't cry over it." Bokuto shifted as he lay down, sticking a leg out to kick Akaashi. "The movie kept me company. It's very good. Kind of confusing, but good. I'll have to watch it again."<br/><em><br/></em> Akaashi had gone downstairs to get some water, leaving Bokuto alone in his room. Within a few seconds, Bokuto finds himself curling up in Akaashi’s bed. He’s practically basking in the scent. Very piney and fresh, maybe a hint of vanilla? Whatever it is, he likes it. It was way more comforting than that stupid hospital stink that seemed to be engraved in his skin.<br/><br/>Akaashi came back after a few minutes. He layed down next to Bokuto and they talked for a little while. Bokuto didn’t have the strength to keep up the conversation so as soon as Akaashi went silent he decided to leave it at that.<br/><br/>He shut his eyes and let his brain drift. He soon found himself lost in his own thoughts about volleyball, how things used to be, and of course, the boy next to him who was sound asleep. He prayed that his twitching wasn’t keeping him awake. He knew how annoying it could get because he himself was annoyed by it.<br/><br/>Every time he thought he was asleep, he found himself jolting awake again. He knew deep down that he would never sleep again, but when he was this tired he forgot about his condition and tricked himself into thinking he was just hyped up on adrenaline. But, that was never the case.<br/><br/>He sighed heavily, resting his forearm over his eyes. He wanted to go on his phone, scroll through some websites to pass the time. But he didn’t want to wake up Akaashi with the bright light so he refrained. Surprisingly, though, Akaashi was also still awake.<br/><br/>“Bokuto.” He whispered softly, shifting his position to where he was leaning on his elbows.<br/><br/>Bokuto whipped his head around, looking at Akaashi with wide eyes. “Akaashi? I’m-”<br/><br/>“Don't. Don’t apologize.” Akaashi murmured. He laid down on his back, a few inches closer to Bokuto than before.<br/><br/>Bokuto looked away in embarrassment. <em>‘God- I’m so stupid! Why didn’t I think of this before I asked him to stay over? Idiot. He’s going to ask me to leave now or som-’ </em><br/><br/>“Come.” Akaashi’s voice broke through Bokuto’s thoughts, and he once again looked over at him in shock. “I said come.” He made a small motion with his hand. “Get over here.” He opened his arms up and waited.<br/><br/>Bokuto hesitated slightly. Akaashi’s voice was soothing, yet demanding. He had no other choice but to listen to him. He scooted over, fitting himself into the space between Akaashi’s arm and the rest of his body. He could feel his own heart pound against his ribcage as the sudden wave of emotions hits.<br/><br/><em>‘He’s so warm…’ <br/><br/></em>Bokuto was tense, not being very used to sleeping next to, or practically on top of, another person like this. He found himself slowly calming down, eventually slumping down and resting his head on Akaashi’s boney shoulder. His hand began to twitch for god knows what reason and his face flushes in embarrassment.<br/><br/><em>‘Stop. Please stop. You’re ruining this for me.’</em><br/><br/>Soon, Akaashi’s hand was over his own. The twitching quickly ceased and Bokuto let out a small breath of relief. He closed his eyes, feeling the heat on his face slowly drift away. He felt strangely calm now, a calm he hadn't experienced in months.<br/><br/>Akaashi’s head tilted toward his. Bokuto could feel his breath blowing onto the top of his head. Only one thought came to his mind at that point.<em><br/><br/>‘Is this what it feels like it is....?' <br/><br/></em></p><hr/><p><em><br/></em>It was two months later. Late October, about a week until Halloween.<br/><br/>Kuroo had finally came by for a visit. He brought Kenma along but Kuroo insisted that he and Bokuto have some alone time. It took Bokuto a few weeks to tell Kuroo about his hallucination, and they really had to talk about it while being in person.<br/><br/>“Are you mad at me?” Kuroo asks once Kenma has left the room.<br/><br/>Bokuto shakes his head. “No.” He sits calmly in a criss-cross position on his bed with his hands folded in his lap. “It wasn't real. Why would I be mad?”<br/><br/>“I don’t know. It just sounded kinda harsh when you described it to me.” Kuroo scratches the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to think that’s how I or Kenma felt about you.”<br/><br/>“Mm.” Bokuto hums, looking away from Kuroo. “I don’t think that at all.” He lies.<br/><br/>Kuroo scoffs, crossing his arms. “It’s okay if you do. I mean-- it’s not true at all and even though you can be really annoying sometimes I wouldn’t do that to you, or anyone for that matter. It’s kinda sick that your brain perceived me that way.”<br/><br/>Bokuto sighs. “Yeah. It is.”<br/><br/>He was less talkative. Reserved. Secretly he had been dreading this conversation ever since Kuroo had told him he was coming in to visit him two weeks ago. He hadn’t told Akaashi that he had hallucinated one of his friends. All Akaashi knew was that sometimes he saw some things that aren't actually there. Like the crowd he imagined was cheering him on in the Gym that day. They weren't real. Originally it was easier to distinguish between what was real and what was fake. Recently, it wasn't coming as easily to him.<br/><br/>“Stop sulking.” Kuroo taps Bokuto lightly. “Shouldn't you be rambling on about Akaashi right about now? I know you probably have tons to tell me about him.”<br/><br/>Bokuto’s face instantly lights up. He looks back at Kuroo “You want to hear about Akaashi?”<br/><br/>“Yeah man.” Kuroo nods. “He seems pretty important to you. Also, I’d like to know about the guy who’s trying to steal my spot as your number one.”<br/><br/>Bokuto chuckles. <em>‘Silly Kuroo. You and Akaashi mean a lot to me in very different ways.’ </em>“Nice to know that you still want to be my number one.”<br/><br/>“Quit saying shit like that. Of course, I want to.” He reaches over, flicking Bokuto in the forehead.<br/><br/>Bokuto feels his smile widen once the small sting of pain is felt on his forehead. <br/><br/><em>‘Kuroo’s here. He’s real and in front of me.’ </em><br/><br/>Bokuto proceeds to go on, telling Kuroo about how he met Akaashi in the hospital, where they had hung out for the first time, Cloud Atlas, and all the other stuff in-between Bokuto’s stay at Akaashi’s and now. Eventually their conversation shifts to Kuroos' side and what he had been up to for the past few months. Of course, it always ended up being about Kenma at the end which led to a lot of teasing from Bokuto’s end. He liked to see Kuroo all nervous because it was a rare occasion.<br/><br/>It had been about forty-five minutes now and their conversation had died down. Kuroo realized that he had left Kenma alone in the hallway for a while. He had mentioned something about maybe taking a walk, and he had to console with a nurse and Kenma before that plan could commence. He had also sworn to Bokuto he could hear Kenma talking to someone so he got up to check it out while Bokuto sat in his bed, excited for the possibility of going outside.<br/><br/>“Hey, Kenma, who are you talking to?” Kuroo asked, popping his head out from Bokuto’s room.<br/><br/>There was a short pause before Kenma spoke. “This is Akaashi. I just met him.”<br/><br/>Bokuto couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. “Akaashi? He’s here? Is he here?”<br/><br/>He got up from the bed, hearing Akaashi’s response from out in the hall. He practically ignores the fact that the first thing Akaashi does is yell at him to get back into bed. He always did that. Bokuto hugs him tightly and ignores it, letting Akaashi’s comforting scent waft into his nose.<br/><br/>“I didn’t think you were going to make it today.” He squeezed Akaashi as hard as he could manage.<br/><br/>“I told you I would.” Akaashi replies.<br/><br/>Bokuto has a good time, seeing the jealousy in Kuroo’s eyes. He loved pushing Kuroo’s buttons, even now when it scared him half to death thinking that Kuroo could just up and leave him. But he had Akaashi if anything went bad with that, so the pain could at least be dimmed.<br/><br/>Once introductions were made between the three, they decided to step outside for a while. Behind the hospital there was a garden, a playground, and plenty of room to walk around and get some air.<br/><br/>It was chiller than expected so Akaashi lent Bokuto his burgundy scarf, insisting on it even when Bokuto protested that he was fine. The time passed quickly, minutes turning into hours as Bokuto and Kuroo walked around, reminiscing about the old volleyball days, their teammates, and anything else they could think of.<br/><br/>There wasn't really anything important worth mentioning. It was just a conversation between two friends. Looking at them from a distance, you’d think that neither of them were sick. They both spoke loudly and happily, laughing and nudging each other when the other said something embarrassing. But in reality, Bokuto was breaking down. He just didn't let anyone else see.<br/><br/>Later, Bokuto found himself now alone with Akaashi. He was tired but he insisted that Akaashi stays for a little bit longer, since he had spent most of the time talking to Kuroo instead of him. But, Akaashi was keen on leaving, saying that he had something to take care of, whatever that meant.<br/><br/>Bokuto sprawled back on his bed in defeat. He wanted to talk to Akaashi for hours, like he had talked to Kuroo. Akaashi was equally as special as Kuroo, if not starting to be more. He would never tell Kuroo that though, it’d hurt his feelings. Kuroo was his best friend. But Akaashi was his… what even was he? <em>‘How do I feel about him… I don’t even know.’<br/><br/></em>“Do you want your scarf back?” Bokuto gripped tightly onto it, praying that Akaashi would say no.<br/><br/>“Yeah… I do.” Akaashi zipped up his jacket.<br/><br/>Bokuto felt something inside him break. He really wished he hadnt even asked that question. He slowly pulls the scarf off from around his neck, taking in its scent one last time.<br/><br/>“... But I also want you to hold onto it.”<br/><br/>‘What? What did he say?’ Bokuto stopped pulling at the scarf. “...You do?”<br/><br/>“Yes.” Akaashi nods, smiling at Bokuto for what was probably the first time since they had met two months ago. “Please hold onto it, Bokuto.”<br/><br/>With that, Akaashi left the room, leaving Bokuto in a stunned silence.<br/><br/>He stares at the door. <em>‘Was that real? That had to have been real.’</em> He grips Akaashi’s scarf close to his chest and mouth, inhaling once again. His heart was racing again and his breath was coming out in short pants. He grabs his phone and messages Kuroo. <br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 5:38 pm, October 22nd, 2014</em>)<br/><br/>[Hey I know you just left. But I think I have a problem.]<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo takes a few minutes to reply, Bokuto figures that he’s probably talking to Kenma or buying train tickets to get home. He waits impatiently, his usual nighttime jolts coming to him now in the form of anxious twitching as he stares at the screen.<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>replied at 5:42 pm, October 22nd, 2014</em>)<br/><br/>[What is it?]<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto can’t believe he’s even typing these words.<br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 5:42 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I think I have a thing for Akaashi….]<br/>[Not just a thing, though. More than that. Like way more.]<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>replied</em> <em>at 5:42 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I’ll call you when I get home. Is he still with you?]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 5:43 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[No. He just left. ]<br/>[He let me hold onto his scarf.]<br/>[He smiled at me. He hasn't done that ever since I met him.]<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>replied at 5:44 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[You’re in deep shit Bokuto.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 5:44 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I know.]<br/>[Please call me when you get home. I don’t know what to do.]<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>replied at 5:45 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I will. Hang in there, alright?]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 5:45 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I’ll try my best.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto curls up, trying to process what he had just confessed. His mind felt like a hazy blur, like usual. But this haze was different, filled with emotions that he hadnt even realized he was feeling every time he got to speak to Akaashi. He’s not sure why he never noticed, or if he did, why he didn't question himself before today.<br/><br/>It was like Akaashi’s smile had set off a ticking time bomb inside of his heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Part two will be out on February 3rd if all goes as planned.</p><p>Enjoy :)</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Bokuto's Perspective (Part 2/2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bokuto: (sent at 5:42 pm)</p><p>[I think I have a thing for Akaashi….]<br/>[Not just a thing, though. More than that. Like way more.]</p><p>- <br/>Bokuto struggles with his emotions toward Akaashi as his months slowly come to an end. Things with Kuroo go a little backward too, so keep reading to find out :)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the last part of Bokuto's perspective. Bokuto's dying moments will be existent near the end of the chapter/ him explaining to Akaashi about his dream so just lookout for those. </p><p>I am so sorry if I break you</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <span>Akaashi: (</span>
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    <span>new message at 2:47 am, October 23rd, 2014)</span>
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  <span>[Are you there?] </span>
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  <span>Bokuto groggily turns over, grabbing his phone to see what the notification was. He can feel his heart drop the second he lays eyes on his home screen. He sits up in his bed, feeling more awake than ever as he stares at Akaashi’s message</span>
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    <span>sent at 2:48 am, October 23rd, 2014)</span>
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  <span>[Yeah! Akaashi? I thought you fell asleep.]</span>
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  <span>[I woke up. Nightmares.]</span>
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  <span>Bokuto: (</span>
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    <span>sent at 2:49 am</span>
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  <span>[Nightmare? You had a nightmare? Was it bad?]</span>
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  <span>[Well, it managed to wake me up.]</span>
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  <span>Bokuto: (</span>
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    <span>sent at 2:50 am</span>
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  <span>[The quiet kind of wake up?]</span>
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  <span>Akaashi (</span>
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  <span>[No, more like the cliched kind, where you sit up in bed in a cold sweat.]</span>
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  <span>Bokuto: (</span>
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    <span>sent at 2:51 am) </span>
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  <span>[ Are you calming down? Are you feeling better?]</span>
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  <span>[Yeah. I’m just a little shaken.]</span>
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  <span>Bokuto: (</span>
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    <span>sent at 2:52 am)</span>
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  <span>[I don’t believe you on that ‘Yeah’ part.]</span>
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  <span>Bokuto gets up from his bed and puts on his slippers. </span>
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  <span>Akaashi: (</span>
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    <span>replied at 2:53 am)</span>
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  <span>[I’m fine.] </span>
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  <span>Bokuto: (</span>
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  <span>[Alright, well...We’ll just see about that.]</span>
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  <span>Bokuto turns his phone screen off, grabs his jacket and puts them both on. He wraps Akaashi’s scarf tightly around his neck and puts his phone into his pocket.</span>
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  <span>Sneaking out wasn't as hard as he had expected. He knew the patterns of the nurses, on account of being awake for so long and always seeing them pass by. He had it memorized, never thinking it would come in handy. But today, it sure would. </span>
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  <span>He makes his way into the cool outside world, shivering once the air hits his face. He scrunches his nose up and huffs out a breath, beginning his quest to Akaashi’s house. He had memorized where it was, even though he had only been there once before.</span>
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  <span>As he walks, he can’t help but think back to earlier. The conversation that he had with Kuroo, and how much it opened his eyes to all the things he had been feeling these few months. </span>
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  <span>“Bokuto. You idiot.” Kuroo scolds him. </span>
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  <span>Bokuto curls into himself, his phone pressed against his ear. “It’s not like I wanted this to happen!”</span>
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  <span>Kuroo paces around his and Kenma’s apartment. “You can’t ever tell him, it’s going to break his heart! Especially when you--” Kuroo claps a hand over his mouth and stops in place.</span>
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  <span>“When I die. You can say it Kuroo. It’s inevitable.” Bokuto replies.</span>
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  <span>“No- I can’t say it.” Kuroo’s voice breaks, his voice merely becoming a whisper. “I don’t want to.” </span>
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  <span>“Kuroo.” Bokuto’s voice softens. “It’s okay.”<br/><br/>“It’s not.” Kuroo shakes out a breath. “It’s not okay. You’re dying and you just met what could be the love of your life. You can’t even tell him! Because if he does feel the same, you’ll only hurt him. And if he doesn’t feel the same, you’re going to lose him.” Kuroo muffles a sob with his hand. “I’m sorry- I said too much.” <br/><br/>Bokuto feels his eyes water. He holds Akaashi’s scarf close to his face as he processes.<br/><br/>Kuroo was completely right, he’d crush Akaashi by telling him. He’d crush Akaashi by dying too. He was already crushing Kuroo, and maybe Kenma. Now he had just deliberately dragged another person into being crushed by his death. This was his own fault. He should have never bothered Akaashi that day in the hallway. <br/><br/>“You’re right Kuroo. I am an idiot.” Bokuto laughs sadly, a small sob escaping from his lips. “Can you promise me something? Just two small things.” <br/><br/>Kuroo sniffles. “Anything. I’ll do it.”<br/><br/>“Be there for Akaashi after… you know.” He sniffles. “He’s a lonely guy. Not a lot of friends, parents always working. He’s going to need the support from you.” Bokuto pauses. “And- it’s up to you to tell him that I like-- liked him, okay?” <br/><br/>“Is that it?” Kuroo asks. <br/><br/>“One more thing. Are you on speaker?” Bokuto asks. <br/><br/>“No, I’m not. What is it?” He almost sounds scared as to what Bokuto is going to say next.<br/><br/>“Tell Kenma that you love him. Please.” Bokuto’s voice breaks but he manages to get out the rest of his words. “I want you guys to be happy and live a long life. For me.” <br/><br/>“Bokuto--” Kuroo lets out a loud sob. “Fuck- I-” Bokuto can hear as he collapses into a chair. “Is that all you want me to do after you pass away?”<br/><br/>“Yes.” Bokuto whispers. “Oh, and please don’t forget me. Ever.” <br/><br/>Kuroo lets out a small ‘heh’ before banging a fist on the table in absolute agony. “You think I could do that? After all, we’ve been through over the years? Fat chance.” Kuroo holds the phone to his ear and rests his head on the table. “You’re my bro, Kōtarō, and a good one at that. I love you a lot. I’ll take our memories to my grave.” <br/><br/>“Good. I’ll do the same, Tetsurō.” Bokuto’s tears stream fast down his cheeks and he can taste the salt in his mouth. “You’re my number one for life. I love you too.” Bokuto sobs. He can’t hold it back anymore, as much as he was trying to be strong for Kuroo. “But, please don’t come see me again. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”<br/><br/>“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to stay away.” Kuroo takes a shaking breath. “You need me. What happens when there's a thunderstorm?”<br/><br/>“I have Akaashi.” Bokuto takes in oxygen with heaving breaths. “Please, T-Tetsurō. I don’t want you to watch me die.”<br/><br/>“Do you want to kill him?” <br/><br/>“What? No. Why would I-” <br/><br/>“By pushing me away, you’re putting this all on him.” Kuroo lets the words slip from his mouth, no longer caring if he slipped up. “You’re going to kill him and yourself.” <br/><br/>“D-Don’t say that.” Bokuto lets out a choking sob. “Please- I already feel so bad for dragging him into this mess. If I hadn’t talked to him that day- He’d- I’d-” <br/><br/>“You’d both be miserable.” Kuroo cuts in. “You’d be lonely all the time, and so would he.” Kuroo pauses. “Were you planning on pushing him away too? Do you want to die alone?”<br/><br/>“I-” Bokuto sobs. “Please, stop.” <br/><br/>“I’m sorry.” Kuroo's voice is barely a whisper. “Please don’t do this.” <br/><br/>“Goodbye.” <br/><br/>“Boku-” <br/><br/>Click. Bokuto hung up the phone.<br/><br/><br/><br/>He puts his phone down and stares at it as the tears stream down his face. Kuroo calls him once.<br/><br/>Twice.<br/><br/>Three times. <br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>new message at 9:49 pm, October 22nd, 2014</em>)<br/><br/>[Bokuto. C’mon. Please.] <br/>[Pick up the phone. We have to talk about this.]<br/>[Don’t make me come all the way back to see you.] <br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto ignores his messages and sobs. He’s been crying a lot lately. He really hoped this phase would end soon. He didn’t want to cry in front of anyone, Akaashi especially. God, he felt so bad for dragging Akaashi into this. He would have to apologize. <br/><br/>He would have to get rid of him eventually<br/><br/></span>
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  <span>Bokuto stands outside Akaashi’s house. </span>
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  <span>A few tears have made their way down his face but he quickly wipes them. He pulls out his phone and texts Akaashi, mentally preparing for the lecture he was about to get. </span>
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  <span>Bokuto: (</span>
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    <span>sent at 3:05 am)</span>
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  <span>Look outside! (＠´∀｀)ノ]</span>
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  <span>Bokuto puts his phone back into his pocket and waits. He sees the curtains draw back from Akaashi’s room and he waves, barely seeing the silhouette's face drop as he races away and probably downstairs to open the door. </span>
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  <span>"May I come in?" Bokuto asks once Akaashi opens the door.</span>
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  <span>Akaashi, looking extremely distraught, replied back. "No! No, we're-"</span>
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  <span>"Why not?" Bokuto cut him off.</span>
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  <span>"We're going back to the hospital right now. I'm taking you back." Akaashi leaned forward and pushed on Bokuto’s chest. It wasn't a very hard push, but it ever so slightly winded Bokuto.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? No!" He pushed Akaashi back."I just came from there."<br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Exactly, because you belong there!" Akaashi spat. "You're sick, you need medical attention."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So I can't sleep." Bokuto swatted at Akaashi. "What's the big deal?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's more than that!" He waved more wildly, succeeding in getting Bokuto to step back. "You've had two panic attacks this week already, and your hallucinations are getting worse. My home is not a place for you to be right now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I get panic attacks when you're not around," Bokuto paused, remembering his freakout from earlier that night. "And my hallucinations aren't all that bad." Well, that was a lie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi furrowed his brows, jaw clenching. "Stop trying to act like this isn't such a big deal... You may not think it is, but I..." He paused before shoving at Bokuto again. "Let's just go."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to." Bokuto grabbed Akaashi's hands. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Warm… god he’s always so warm.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bokuto, stop."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto begins to get agitated himself. "I don't want to go back!" </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I want to help you! I can’t do that from all the way at the hospital when you refuse to admit you’re breaking down!’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did you even sneak out?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"By sneaking out! They don't pay much attention to me anyways!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Much to Bokuto’s dismay, Akaashi yanked his hands away and put them at his sides. "Get inside."<br/><br/><br/><br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto follows Akaashi inside, taking a deep breath once he had stepped into the room. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Vanilla cedarwood.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thinks. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>He sits down beside Akaashi on the bed, listening as he goes on about his nightmare. He wants to scream. He wants to take all of Akaashi’s pain away. But most of all, he wants to take himself away. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m such an idiot. Stupid.’</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto moves without thinking, wrapping an arm around Akaashi. He looked so distressed, the worst Bokuto had ever seen him.<br/><br/>“What are you doing?” Akaashi squirms. <br/><br/>“Comforting?” Bokuto lifts his head up to look at Akaashi. “Isn’t that what humans do?”<br/><br/>“Don’t talk like you aren't one…” Akaashi trails.<br/><br/>Bokuto chuckles and puts his head back on Akaashi’s shoulder. He’s afraid that if he stares for too long he’ll spill out all his feelings and ruin everything between him and Akaashi. He’d lose the one person who he felt close to, other than Kuroo and his family of course. Kuroo and the others were never around. Akaashi always was. That’s why he was so special.<br/><br/>Akaashi smiled again that night, in fact, he laughed. Bokuto took a mental video of it, wanting to remember this look on his face forever, or at least up until he passed.<br/><br/>Later, when Bokuto was sure Akaashi was asleep, he lifted a gentle hand to the boy's forehead. He was so scared that he was going to wake Akaashi that his hand shook. He just wanted to feel his hair, at least once. It looked so soft, and fluffy. <br/><br/>He let his hand linger in Akaashi’s bangs before the sudden motion of Akaashi twitching finally made him pull his hand away. Was he awake? Bokuto wasn't sure. But he couldn't risk that embarrassment so he refrained from touching Akaashi’s hair again. <br/><br/>He watches Akaashi’s chest softly rise and fall. He thinks back to his conversation with Kuroo. <br/><br/><br/><b>“Do you want to kill him?” </b><b><br/></b><b><br/></b><b>“What? No. Why would I-” </b><b><br/></b><b><br/></b><b>“By pushing me away, you’re putting this all on him.” Kuroo lets the words slip from his mouth, no longer caring if he slipped up. “You’re going to kill him and yourself.”</b><b><br/></b><em><br/></em><br/>“I’m sorry.” Bokuto speaks so softly that it leaves a sting in the back of his throat. “....I never meant to drag you into my life.”  Bokuto inhaled deeply, trying to compose himself. “I know that I’m unbearable. I know that I’m a lost cause. I know that you know too… and yet you still stick by me.” <br/><br/>He pauses, feeling a few tears fall down his face. <em>‘Jeez, how much can a person cry in one day?’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>“So… thank you.” He softly finishes. <br/><br/>After that, he has nothing more to say. He watches Akaashi sleep for a while before closing his eyes and trying to get whatever rest he could manage. Today had been especially hard for him and from here on out, things would only get worse. <br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Kurro: (<em>new message at 1:09 am, November 18th, 2014</em>)<br/><br/>[Hey.]<br/><br/><em>*four missed calls*</em><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>new message at 1: 17 am, November 18th, 2014</em>)<br/><br/>[We miss you man.] <br/>[Give my best to Akaashi.]<br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>A month later, Kuroo has finally talked himself back into Bokuto’s life. <br/><br/>Or well, he was about to have Kenma talk him back into it.<br/><br/><br/>“You know, when you hung up on Kuroo last month he locked himself in the bathroom for over an hour before he let me in.” Kenma starts. He’s fidgeting with his hands an awful lot and Bokuto could sense his nervousness. “Sure he doesn’t want to see you die, hell, I don’t want to see you die, but he doesn’t want to be kicked out of your life.” Kenma breathes out heavily. “What did you say to him?”<br/><br/>“He didn’t tell you?” Bokuto asks curiously. <br/><br/>Kenma shakes his head. “He just said he needed to call you when we got home.” His eyes are fixed on the tiled floor. “I went up to my gaming room while he was talking to you. I just barely heard the few bangs he made when he was stumbling off to the bathroom.” He looks up at Bokuto for a moment, just to get his point across as he once again repeats “What did you say to him?”  <br/><br/>“I-” Bokuto finds himself cowering down slightly. Even though Kenma quickly looked back away afterwards, that intense stare was enough to make him talk. “We were talking about… how I have feelings for someone. But I can’t tell them, because I’m dying and it will only make things worse for the both of us.” Bokuto sighs. “And then I told him not to visit me again. Because I didn’t want him to see me as I got worse. I don’t want Ak-… anyone to see me, actually.”<br/><br/>“You want to die alone then?” Kenma asks. <br/><br/>“No, I-” Bokuto feels his chest swell.<br/><br/>“You sound like you do.” Kenma sighs. “Why? Why would you want that when so many people around you love you and want to be there for you?” He folds his legs up to his chest. “Don’t be me. Pushing people away doesn't solve your problems. It makes them ten times worse and by the time you realize it, you feel like shit and there's nothing you can do to fix it.” He pauses. “Unless you have a dumbass named Kuroo who never seems to leave.” <br/><br/>Bokuto smiles, swallowing the saliva that had been building in his mouth. “He cares about you, Kenma. A Lot. That’s why he sticks around.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, really?” Kenma looks back down. “That's the same reason he sticks around you too. And why Akaashi’s stayed. They care about you.” He grips the fabric of his pants with tight fists. “Don’t push us away… I know it's not what you want.”<br/><br/></span>
  <span>Bokuto sighs. "Of course it's not what I want. But I don't want to hurt anyone when I die." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So you'd rather push everyone away and make yourself more miserable?" Kenma raises his voice slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto had never seen Kenma angry, so he was a bit surprised. "Hey, calm down. This is my choice to make. I don't know why you're so upset." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because I- '' Kenma let out another exasperated breath. "We care about you Bokuto. Me and Kuroo both." He pauses for a moment like he was thinking about what he should say next. "I really don't want to see him even sadder now that you've pushed him away. You know he's going to make me come back and talk to you again, right?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mhm." Bokuto hums. "Which is why I'm officially pushing you away too. But, before that, can I just ask one thing of you?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenma looks back up at him. "What?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Please take care of him for me. Kuroo." Bokuto smiles. "You're one of the only people who get him like I do. Don't let anything bad happen between you too, ever. He… Kuroo he… rea- he." Bokuto struggles to find words to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know. Kuroo loves me." Kenma lets out a shaky breath. "And he loves you too. Don't do this." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think you should leave, Kenma." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenma sighs. "If you insist. But you know we'll be back." He gets up, bowing down and placing his forehead on Bokuto's shoulder. "Goodbye, Bokuto." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto laughs at Kenma's odd display of affection, not letting the smile leave his face. But inside, his heart was absolutely breaking. "So long, Kenma." he gave his blonde friend a nod and a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenma walks out of the room after that.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto feels his breath catch in his chest. <em>‘I’m sorry. I hope you two can forgive me.’ </em><br/><br/>He looks out into the hall, seeing that same familiar face. He smiles wider. “Akaashi!”<br/><br/>Akaashi looks at him with those big blue eyes of his. His mouth starts to perk up like he was going to smile back. But before he can manage it, a clap of thunder interrupts him.<br/><br/>Bokuto feels his face drop and his eyes widen. ‘<em>Shit. Today of all days?’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>His grip tightens exponentially on Akaashi’s navy blue blanket. Akaashi had let him keep it with him at the hospital after his last visit to Akaashi’s house. It was cold that morning and Akaashi made Bokuto walk back to the hospital with it wrapped around him, which is where it stayed for every moment after that.<br/><br/>“Akaashi-” he calls out softly. <br/><br/>Akaashi’s in the room and next to him before he knows it. His hands push through Bokuto’s hair in an attempt to calm him. Another clap of thunder shakes the room and Bokuto flinches hard. <br/><br/>“F-f-u-ck.” He hates cursing. He hates that he’s so scared of some stupid rain. He hates that he just pushed his best friend out of his life when he only has limited time left. ‘<em>Stupid. I’m stupid.’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>“Look at me, it’s going to be fine.” Akaashi calmly grabs Bokuto’s hand, seeing as it was beginning to shake along with the rest of his body. “You will get through this. You always do.” <br/><br/>Bokuto stares at the hospital floor. The rain starts to pound outside. He tries to find some words to say to the boy whose arms that he’d found a home in.<em> ‘Akaashi’s with me. He always is. Why did I even think of pushing him away? Why did I push Kuroo away? I don’t…. want that…’<br/><br/></em>“Akaa-sh- -d-don’t-” Bokuto struggled to speak. His throat feels like it’s closing.<br/><br/>“Don’t what?” Akaashi asks, holding Bokuto just a little closer to his body.<br/><br/>“Don’t l-le-leave m-me.” He chokes out. <em>‘Never leave me….’</em> <br/><br/>“I won’t leave you.” Akaashi’s voice remains calm, but Bokuto can feel how tense he truly is. “Just breathe with me.” <br/><br/>Bokuto nods, trying to follow Akaashi’s breathing the best that he can. His mind won’t stop drifting to darker places as the storm only gets worse. His phone call with Kuroo. His conversation with Kenma. His feelings toward Akaashi. Stupid. They were all stupid.<br/><br/>“Aka-ashi. I-I’m-- so-sorry.” <br/><br/>“There's nothing to be sorry for.” <br/><br/>Bokuto shakes his head. “B-But the-ere is… so mu-much.”<br/><br/>“No. You can’t control this.” Akaashi rubs his back. “Talk less. You need to breathe.”<br/><br/>“I- Aka-” <br/><br/>“Shh.” Akaashi presses Bokuto’s head to his chest. “It’s alright. I’m right here.”<br/><br/>Bokuto gasps shakily. <em>‘I don’t deserve you. So kind. So warm….’ </em><br/><br/>As the storm outside worsens, the same could be said for the storm brewing in Bokuto. The storm of emotions. Doubt, guilt, fear, love. Bokuto was slowly beginning to fall apart. But, Akaashi was the only thing keeping him together. <br/><br/>And Akaashi was the thing that was breaking him.<br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Kuroo: (<em>new message at 2:42 pm, December 13th, 2014</em>)<br/><br/>[Storm seems bad. Akaashi told me how bad they affect you now.]<br/>[I hope you’re okay. ]<br/>[Thank you for taking the time to talk to Kenma. Even though you made your choice, he (and I) are glad that the two of you talked.]<br/>[I’m not giving up on you, even though you’re doing this.]<br/>[You’ll answer eventually. The guilt will get to you.]<br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Six days later and Bokuto is still exhausted. <br/><br/>Of course, he won’t admit it. He tells Akaashi that he’s feeling better, because he doesn’t want to worry him. He also really wants to stand out in the snow, when it eventually does fall. If he told Akaashi that he was feeling poorly, that would never happen.<em><br/></em> </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh...ut up.” Bokuto laughs, his body rattling as he lays down in his bed. “I look...like shit I know.”<br/><br/>Akaashi laughs too. A nice laugh. One that filled Bokuto with sadness and pride at the same time. <br/><br/>“You don’t. You don’t look like shit.” He holds a hand over his mouth, blocking it from Bokuo’s view. <br/><br/><em>‘He’s smiling again...’</em> Bokuto reaches out to swat at Akaashi’s hand. His body feels heavier than usual so he has a rough time reaching it. “Don’t cover that.” <br/><br/>“Cover what?”<br/><br/>“Your smile.” <br/><br/>“Why? It isn't anything spe-” <br/><br/>Bokuto’s hand lightly grazes Akaashi’s knuckles. “I barely ever see it.”  <br/><br/>Akaashi lowers his hand, resting it on his chin. He smiles softly down at Bokuto, causing his head to spin with incoherent and love-struck thoughts. <br/><br/><em>‘Gosh… he’s so pretty. I should tell him. I want to tell him.</em>’ Bokuto opens his mouth, to try and say the words he was thinking. But instead, his hand grips Akaashi’s and suddenly drags it down.<em> ‘Shit. I messed up. Damn it. Stupid useless body.’</em> He tries to fix his mistake, stuttering softly. “I- I thought you would... hold it up-”<br/><br/>“It was sudden.” Akaashi bit down on his lip. “It caught me off guard.”<br/><br/>“I didn’t mean... to...” Bokuto’s voice trails.<br/><br/>“It’s alright.” Akaashi keeps the same calm tone. His thumb rubs over Bokuto’s knuckles. A repetitive soothing back and forth motion. “I’m… holding it now.” <br/><br/>Bokuto looked at Akaashi with wonder. <em>‘Does he… like me?’ </em>He looks down.<em> ‘No. Don’t think like that.</em>’ He looks at the window. ‘<em>Even if he does, I can’t….we can’t….’</em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>He tries to stop himself from thinking. Fantasizing about how he could have had such a nice life with Akaashi. A long life, full of love and happiness and- ‘<em>No. Stop it.’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>He keeps his focus on the window. Small snowflakes had been falling from the sky for quite some time now, though they weren't collecting on the floor. He was sure Akaashi would point out that it was snowing if it really was. This had to have been yet another hallucination. <br/><br/>His hand shak</span>
  <span>es, his body becoming overwhelmed with the sudden realization of “this is yet another stupid hallucination.” Akaashi squeezes it, spreading whatever warmth he can to Bokuto as he lays under the navy blue blanket. He inhales deeply. <br/><br/><em>‘Vanilla and cedarwood.’</em><br/><br/>Home.<br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Kuroo: (<em>new message at 11:03 am, December 25th</em>)<br/><br/>[Merry Christmas. I sent you a gift, should be at the front desk. Have Akaashi go pick it up for you.]<br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Kuroo: (<em>new message at 12:01 am, January 1st, 2015</em>)<br/><br/>[Happy New Year] <br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>replied at 3:24 pm, January 1st, 2015</em>)<br/><br/>[Please stop texting me, Kuroo.]<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>sent at 3:25 pm, January 1st, 2015</em>)<br/><br/>[No. Bokuto, please. Let’s just talk one last time.]<br/><br/><br/><em>*This number is no longer available*</em><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Bokuto? Don’t you see it?”<br/><br/>Bokuto looks up from the computer screen at Akaashi. They were watching Cloud Atlas again. <br/><br/>“Wh…” Bokuto’s voice breaks and he can’t finish the word. <br/><br/>“The snow? It’s snowing outside.” <br/><br/>Bokuto looks out the window, seeing the same snow that he had seen ever since that day in December. He shrugged slightly and looked back at the computer screen. <br/><br/>Who’s to say that this wasn't another hallucination? Who’s to say that Akaashi wasn't actually next to him right now? Who’s to say that this snow was real? <br/><br/>“I thought you were waiting for the snow. I thought it was what you wanted.” Akaashi says. His words are frantic and he sounds confused. <br/><br/>Bokuto is exhausted. He speaks to the hallucination of Akaashi. “Mhm-... I… see it… all the time.”<br/><br/>There was a slight pause. “It’s not a hallucination, Bokuto. It’s actually snowing.” <br/><br/><em>‘Is it… really….snowing?’ </em>Bokuto attempts to pull himself up and look out the window.<br/><br/>“I’ll show you.” Akaashi gets up from the bed and walks over to the window. He opens it slightly and a gust of cold air rushes into the room, sending chills up Bokuto’s spine. <br/><br/><em>‘Oh… my god…’</em> Bokuto pulls the blanket up further, already beginning to shake more than usual. He watches as Akaashi gathers up some of the white fluff before closing the window and walking back over to where Bokuto lay in the bed.<br/><br/>“See, look.” Akaashi presses the snow into Bokuto’s hands. <br/><br/><em>‘It’s cold… it’s actually cold. And Akaashi’s really here.’</em> Bokuto presses a finger into it and gasps in amazement. He looks up. <br/><br/>“Akaashi!” <br/><br/>“I know.” <br/><br/>“Take me….outside!” <br/><br/><br/>After fighting with Akaashi for a few minutes, they make a small compromise. Akaashi helped Bokuto up and then guided him over to the window, which he opened as soon as he knew Bokuto had secured his footing and was still. <br/><br/><em>‘So cold…’ </em>Bokuto takes a deep breath and sticks his head out of the window. <br/><br/>“Don’t do that.” Akaashi pulls him back inside.<br/><br/>Bokuto doesn't object, instead, he sticks his hand out the window and watches as the flakes collect on his arm and slowly melt away. He studied each flake as closely as he could before they melted and stuck his arm out the window once again. <em>‘It’s real… it’s finally real…’ </em><br/><br/>“You know… I never asked.” Akaashi spoke after a long silence. “Why are you so fond of the snow, Bokuto?”<br/><br/><em>‘Why am I…. fond of the snow?’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>He had all his happiest memories in the snow. <br/><br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Memories from when he was a little kid and he pelted his family with snowballs. They used to save buckets of snow in the freezer until summer and make snow cones. He had memories with Kuroo and Kenma too. Their volleyball teams used to meet up a lot and one day it was snowing and school was closed so they decided to meet up. They all had a huge snowball fight in the front yard of Fukurodani, even though there was a blizzard outside and school was closed. They all got in trouble. But it was worth it in the end. They had fun. A lot of fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto wished he could have fun like that again. <br/><br/>Akaashi continued talking when Bokuto stayed silent. “I mean, in your state now, it’s a bit cliched, don’t you think?” He asked.<br/><br/><em>‘I want to be happy again….I want to feel young again. I want my friends again. The snow reminds me of all that, that’s why I like it.’</em> Is what he wants to say to Akaashi. But instead, he finds himself beginning to cry as he brings himself back to the old days before his life fell apart. <br/><br/>“Why...me…?” He manages to choke out after a few minutes. <br/><br/>He wants Akaashi to talk to him. To comfort him. He’s just been standing there without a sound and it made Bokuto feel so guilty. He was the one who had forced Akaaashi through this.<br/><br/>“Because life is unfair.” Akaashi replies. <br/><br/>Something in Bokuto’s chest cracks. He wipes his eyes with his frost-covered hand. “I w….anted to do s-so many things…” He breaths shakily. <em>‘I wanted to do so many things with you.’</em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>“I know.” <br/><br/>Bokuto finally backs away from the window. Akaashi gets the message and closes it before helping Bokuto back to his usual position in the bed. <br/><br/><br/><br/>“Akaashi…” Bokuto twitches. <br/><br/>“Yes?”<br/><br/><em>‘I have to… do this now… even though I don’t want it. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I got rid of Kuroo, Kenma, and now it’s time for Akaashi to go too.’ </em><br/><br/>“I don’t want you to visit me anymore.” <br/><br/>“What?” The emotion in Akaashi’s voice sends a jolt into Bokuto’s heart. <br/><br/><em>‘Don’t sound so sad….you’ll make it harder…’ </em>Bokuto thinks. “Please… don’t visit me… anymore.”<br/><br/>Akaashi stands up. “No.”<br/><br/><em>‘No?’  </em>Bokuto sucks in air. “Please-” <br/><br/>“No. It’s a little too late for that, Bokuto.” <br/><br/>‘<em>Don’t… please stop….’ </em><br/><br/>“Akaashi, please.” <br/><br/>“No is my final answer.” He walks over to the other side of the bed, trying to force eye contact between him and Bokuto. <br/><br/>Bokuto looks away. <em>‘I can’t look at him. I’ll break….’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>“Bokuto, what is the meaning of this?”<br/><br/>More tears fall down his face. He wipes them. <em>‘Akaashi… please just… go…’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>“Answer me.” Akaashi's voice comes out as a growl. <br/><br/>“I don’t want you... to grow...any m-more attached to me th-than y-you already are.”<br/><br/>A small scoff comes from Akaashi’s mouth. “What makes you think I’m attached to you? I never said that I was.” <br/><br/>Bokuto feels his face flush and he looks at Akaashi. “Sh-Shut up, Akaashi.” he breathes deeply. <em>‘Stupid stutter.</em>’ “I know... you hate hosp-itals. Don’t...come telling m-me now that you...have only been...coming here every day because y-you wanted to.”<br/><br/>When Akaashi has nothing to say, Bokuto keeps talking. He’s careful to not say too much. “I know that... you care...ev-...even if it’s just a little bit.” He coughs suddenly. His lungs feel like they are on fire. But he keeps going. “I don’t….know much about this...disease. Partly be-...cause I was too afraid to read up on it. But… I know I don’t have… much time left.” Bokuto feels the frown grow on his face as he continues. Akaashi looks so upset. “One, maybe two months at most, if I’m lucky. That’s...how long I know I have...left.” Bokuto has to look down and away from Akaashi. He has a look on his face, one that Bokuto had never seen. A look filled with despair. “I heard the doctors talking. Thay... d...on’t know how to….h-heal me, so it’s just a slow, downhill ride f-f...rom here. And I d-don’t want you to… see it all h-hap...pen.” His eyes fill with tears. “I don’t….want you to….watch me decay. So I figured if you left now...you...wouldn’t have to...and it wouldn’t h-hurt so much…”<br/><br/>Bokuto waits in an uncomfortable silence. He waits for Akaashi to just get up and leave. But he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want Akaashi to leave.<br/><br/>“I’m not leaving, Kōtarō.” <br/><br/>Bokuto’s breath catches in his chest.<br/><br/>“And nothing you say will make me leave.”<br/><br/>Bokuto sniffles in, shifting occasionally in the bed.<br/><br/>‘<em>Thank you… Akaashi…’</em><br/><br/>Akaashi leans over, resting his forehead on Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto heard him take a deep breath in through his nose before exhaling in relief. <br/><br/>“Akaa-ashi.”<br/><br/>Akaashi hums softly in response. <br/><br/>“Will you help me… get Ku-Kuroo back?” He asks tearfully. <br/><br/>Akaashi pulls back to look at Bokuto. “Something happened with Kuroo?”<br/><br/>Bokuto nods. “F-Few months ago. October….. 22nd…. I tr-tried to push him... away li-like I did with you. He persisted for a-awhile.” Bokuto reaches for his phone and shows Akaashi the texts from over the past few months. “I ne-never wanted….to hurt him….or you.” <br/><br/>“I know.” Akaashi reaches for Bokuto’s hand, resting his on top of it. “No talking for a while. Write him out an apology text and I’ll read it over if you’d like.” <br/><br/>Bokuto nods, the warm hand on top of his cold one filling his entire body with sparks. “O-...Okay…”<br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 10:08 pm, January 3rd, 2015</em>)<br/><em><br/></em><em>*This number has been unblocked* </em><br/><br/>[Hey. Kuroo.]<br/>[I’m really sorry for everything over the past few months. I think after hearing you cry on the phone, I never wanted to hear that again. Or see it, for that matter. Which is why I told you I didn’t want to see you anymore. I didn’t want to see you break down in front of me. Because then it’d feel real. Too real. I already have to deal with my family crying practically every time they speak to me. I didn’t want that treatment from you too. You’re my best friend and I don’t want you to be in pain because of this fate that has been cast on me from those psycho’s in the sky. I understand if you are upset and if you’ve already moved past this. I was being a jerk. I just hate hearing people cry. So much. It’s a horrible sound. Truthfully I want to see you. I want to have you around. You are one of the people who I share the best memories of my life with. I don’t want all of that to go to waste. Anyways, get back to me if you want. I’m still kicking around. I’ll be waiting.]<br/>[Oh, tell Kenma I’m sorry too. I really appreciated talking to him, even if he scared me with that intense gare of his. Don’t forget our little deal, okay?]<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>replied at 10:36 pm, January 3rd, 2015</em>)<br/><br/>[Bokuto.]<br/>[ Was <b>really</b> not expecting a message from you. Not saying that I'm disappointed or anything.  I was just a little surprised. I didn’t know you felt that way about the whole thing. I completely understand where you are coming from and why you tried to push me away.]<br/>[I tried for a really long time to be strong for you. You know, I was right outside the door when the doctor was telling you and your parents the diagnosis. Except I left the second your mom asked about the cure. I went home, went up to Kenma’s game room, got him to stop streaming, and we looked it up together. I kid you not I cried so hard that I threw up. Then I came in the next day and pretended like I knew nothing when you told me you had FFI. I’ve been hiding these stupid emotions from you for so long and that night I just broke. It hit me that one of these days will be my last conversation with you. And it fucked me up really bad.]<br/>[I didn’t want to lose you, which is why I kept texting you and made Kenma talk to you. Yeah, you were kinda being a jerk (sorry) but if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t want you or Kenma to watch me die either.]<br/>[Can I come see you soon? Or would you rather our communications be over calling or texting?]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 10:39 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[Please come see me. One last time.]<br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>replied at 10:39 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I’ll be there tomorrow at ten if that's alright.]<br/>[Kenma’s gonna hang back at our apartment but he said he had a nice time talking with you too.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 10:40 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I’ll see you then :) ]<br/>[Oh yeah, just to warn you, I’ve been having trouble talking lately and I've lost a lot of weight since you last saw me. I don’t want you to be caught off guard when you see me.] <br/><br/><br/>Kuroo: (<em>replied at 10:40 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[I’ll be caught off guard either way but thank you for telling me.]<br/>[Try to rest.]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (<em>sent at 10:41 pm</em>)<br/><br/>[Yeah, I’ll try.]<br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Keji…” <br/><br/>“M-hm?” <br/><br/>“Ask….m-me w….why I like Cloud Atlas so much.” <br/><br/>Akaashi’s blue eyes looked at Bokuto with curiosity. “Well alright...Kōtarō, why do you like Cloud Atlas so much?”<br/><br/>“S...So you... know in the m-movie when..th… characters die in one life?” He waits for Akaashi to nod before he continues. “W-Well...I...like it when th-they find each other again...In another life. It m-makes me...feel like I’ll h-have another life...one beyond this one...one that’s better...wh...where I can actually wake up to you...and be with y...you…” He smiles softly at the thought. “One where we...can… live n...normal lives instead of...living...this one.” <br/><br/>Akaashi nods. He looks like he’s at a loss for words and Bokuto doesn't blame him. That was... a lot to take in and he needed a moment to process. At this point, Bokuto knew it was clear that Akaashi liked him too, in the like like way. It crushed him that he would soon have to leave him alone. <br/><br/>Bokuto’s eyes stay locked onto Akaashi.<em> ‘He’s so beautiful.’</em><em><br/></em><br/>“You know...I would like that. Very much.” He finally replies. <br/><br/>“Me too.” <br/><br/>They sit in silence for a while. Bokuto never draws his eyes away from Akaashi<br/></span>
</p><p><span>“Why do you watch me like that?” Akaashi asks. </span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><em><span>‘You know why.’</span></em><span> Bokuto thinks but he says nothing.</span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>“Kōtarō… why do you watch me like that?” Akaashi asks again. </span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>Bokuto tries to avoid the obvious reason. “Just...because… I didn’t… want you to leave. Sometimes when I… blink… you aren’t there anymore….”</span><span><br/></span> <span><br/></span><span>Bokuto watched Akaashi struggle to hide the frown that was growing. His eyes drew away from Bokuto’s and soon he found Akaashi’s hand in his. </span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>“Don’t worry. I’m still here.”</span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>“I’m still...here too…” Bokuto says weakly, nodding. </span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>“Yeah. You’re still here, too…”</span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>Bokuto beamed with the energy he had left. </span></p><p>
  <span>
    <em><br/>‘Thank you for staying with me….Akaashi.’ </em>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Bokuto scrunched his face in annoyance. <br/><br/><em>‘Akaashi! Look at me! Hey!’</em><br/><br/>Akaashi was no longer paying attention to him yet texting someone on his phone. He never did that.<br/><br/>Now that Bokuto couldn’t speak, he couldn't get Akaashi’s attention. It was also hard to move so he couldn't reach out and tap him either. He was forced to sit in silence and just…..wait. <br/><br/>Akaashi finally looks over at Bokuto, seeing the look on his face. “Just...Kuroo.”<br/><br/>Bokuto looked down as he felt the frown come to his face. Kuroo had come in the beginning of the month to visit him like he said he would once the two had made up. They spent the majority of the time crying though, so that wasn’t great. But Bokuto was still happy he got to see Kuroo for what was probably the last time ever. He was glad that he would die and Kuroo wouldn't feel immense guilt for not going to see him one last time. <br/><br/>Akaashi gets out his phone. “Would you like for him to send a photo?”<br/><br/>Bokuto looks up. <em>‘Yes! I miss his stupid face.’</em> He nods quickly.<br/><br/>He waits patiently as Akaashi texts Kuroo. He watches the video with his eyes as wide open as he can manage, taking in the faces of his two high school friends. <br/><br/>“For a guy whose name is Kuroo, he sure is a colorful one.” Akaashi comments, placing his phone on the table next to the bed. <br/><br/>Bokuto nods. ‘<em>Yeah, he’s pretty colorful, in more ways than one. Damn if only I could talk. That would have been funny.’</em><br/><br/>“You guys were best friends, huh…?” <br/><br/>Bokuto nods again. He weakly lifts a finger up and twirls it beside his head. <br/><br/>Akaashi gives him an amused look, leaning back in his seat. “Is he crazy?”<br/><br/>Bokuto smiles a bit more. <em>‘Yeah. He’s pretty crazy, I wish I could tell you more stories about the wild things we got into during our high school years. You’d never look at me the same.’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>A few hours later, Bokuto lays in bed, lost in thought as his body twitches sporadically and keeps him from falling asleep. He hates the thoughts that come to his mind at this point. <br/><br/><em>‘How much longer… can I hold on…?’ </em><br/><br/>Then he remembers Akaashi is with him and he looks over at him. He looked tired and sad.<br/><br/><em>‘Just a little bit longer. Akaashi needs me for just a little bit longer.’ </em><br/><br/>Bokuto reaches up and taps Akaashi gently to get his attention. He was sitting closer now, so Bokuto was able to actually reach him rather than straining himself. <br/><br/>“I’m fine.” Akaashi replies once he realizes the concern on the dying boy’s face. “How are you feeling, Kōtarō?”<br/><br/><em>‘That’s a stupid question.’</em> Bokuto blinks slowly in response. <em>‘I wish I was able to tell you that I was feeling better. That’d be pretty nice, huh?’ </em><br/><em><br/></em>He taps Akaashi again to get his attention back. <br/><br/>“Hm? What is it?” Akaashi turns his chair so he could get a better look at Bokuto. <br/><br/><em>‘I have so much that I want to tell you. But my stupid body won’t let me.’ <br/><br/></em>He mimes out a phone with what strength he can. Akaashi catches on quickly and hands Bokuto his phone to use. <br/><br/><em>‘Now, what to say…’</em><br/><br/>Bokuto went through several drafts of what he wanted to say. Eventually, he settled on ‘If I knew those words I spoke a week ago would have been my last, I would have chosen them more carefully.’ <br/><br/>Akaashi stares at the screen for a moment before looking up at Bokuto. “You weren’t happy with those words?” <br/><br/>Bokuto nods. <em>‘I would have said so much more. Maybe I would have-’</em><br/><br/>“Well then, if you had a second chance…” He hesitates. “what would you have chosen to say?”<br/><br/>Bokuto feels his nerves tense up, and he knows that Akaashi can tell. <br/><br/>“Um...Bokuto? You don't have to say it now if you don’t want to.” <br/><br/>Bokuto shakes his head. <em>‘I’ve run out of time. It’s now or never.’ </em><br/><br/>“Ah, you do want to say it now.” <br/><br/>Bokuto tries really hard to get out at least a ‘yes’ but it comes out garbled and barely audible. He settled on giving Akaashi a nod instead. <br/><br/>“Alright.” Akaashi shifts. “How many words are there? In what you want to say, I mean?” <br/><br/>Bokuto thinks for longer than he probably should have. <br/><br/><em>‘I should say what I first thought when I met him…’</em> He holds up three fingers.<br/><br/>Akaashi does not react. “Three words? That’s all?” He smiles. “That’s interesting…” <br/><br/>He held his phone out to Bokuto, allowing him to type the words.<br/><br/><em>‘You are beautiful. That’s all I’ll say. Simple. Short. And it won’t ruin anything.’ </em><br/><br/>His hands shake as he reaches and types a letter. He blanks out for a few seconds before realizing what his brain had started to make him write.  <br/><br/>I lo<br/><br/>Bokuto quickly deletes the three letters, remembering Kuroo’s warning from the previous months.<br/><br/><br/><b>“You can’t ever tell him, it’s going to break his heart!”<br/><br/><br/></b>He shudders and types what he had originally planned before drawing his hand back and resting it on his empty stomach. He looks up at Akaashi with a sort of hope in his eyes. <em>‘Don’t get mad..please.’</em><br/><br/>He watches as Akaashi’s eyes widen and a feeling of pride spreads in his chest.<br/><br/>“You...think that I’m beautiful?”<em><br/></em><br/>Bokuto nods, lips curling upwards. <em>‘So beautiful. Especially your eyes.’</em> He raises his right hand and index finger. <br/><br/>“One?” Akaashi asks. <br/><br/><em>‘Good guess.’ </em>He points at himself, then his eye, then at Akaashi. <br/><br/>He watched Akaashi’s lips part in realization. “Since… the first day you saw me…”<br/><br/>Bokuto nods. <em>‘And I’ve thought it every day since then.’ </em><br/><br/>He closes his eyes, turning his head away once he feels his cheeks flare-up. He was never any good at the whole romance thing. He’s been on his fair share of dates, had a decent amount of kissing experience, even the occasional blow job. He’d die a virgin, but he didn’t really care. He got to experience love. That was all that mattered.  <br/><br/>Bokuto’s thoughts were interpreted by a sound. A beautiful sound. <em>‘Was that…?’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>He opened his eyes and looked over at Akaashi, marveling at the sound that poured from his mouth.<br/><br/><em> ‘See, like I said, Beautiful.’ </em><br/><br/>Bokuto found himself laughing too. It was a weak laugh. He wasn’t even sure it was audible. He knew his face was red and yet he continued to stare, not wanting to ever forget this look on Akaashi’s face and the sound of his laughter.<br/><br/>“You’re…. Ridiculous.”<br/><br/>Bokuto tilted his head in recognition. ‘<em>I am, aren’t I?’</em><br/><br/>Akaashi’s laughter soon died down, making Bokuto a bit sad. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever hear it again. He could feel himself slowly fading away by the second. <br/><br/><em>‘A little bit longer, Kōtarō. You can manage it.’ </em><br/><br/>“Thank you, Kōtarō.” Akaashi whispered, grabbing Bokuto’s hand and holding it in his own.<br/><br/>Bokuto tightened his grip, squeezing softly, taking whatever warmth he could get.<br/><br/><em>‘You’re welcome, Keiji.’ <br/><br/></em></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It was the night of February 2nd. <br/><br/><br/><br/>“Kōtarō?”<br/><br/>Bokuto moved his head slightly, signaling for Akaashi to keep talking.<br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to know that...I don’t regret meeting you. I am...very happy to have met you. And to have gotten to know you.” Akaashi paused for a while, leaving Bokuto under the impression that he wasn't going to speak again. But, he continued. “So… thank you Kōtarō, for talking to me in the hall that day...and asking me if I was alright. Because I wasn't then, But...I am now.” </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Bokuto feels his pulse race. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘God… you’re so welcome Akaashi. I’m so sorry we had to meet like this under such shitty conditions. Thank </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> for being there for me after all these months.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Akaashi tucked his head down to Bokuto’s chest, pulling himself closer and successfully flustering Bokuto even more. He rubbed his chin against the top of Akaashi’s head before using what strength he had left to wrap an arm around Akaashi. He had to show his appreciation for the younger boy before the clock above his head struck zero. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Good night, Kōtarō.” Akaashi mumbled, in a sleep ridden daze.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Bokuto listens as Akaashi’s breath evens out. He breathes really deeply when he’s asleep. Right now, he was breathing the deepest he ever had. Like he was the calmest he ever had been.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Akaashi was still asleep. <br/><br/>Bokuto weakly looked down, watching the slow rise and fall of Akaashi’s chest. He had no idea what time it was, but it was pitch black outside and in the room, other than the lights of the machines next to Bokuto’s bed. <br/><br/>‘<em>Just… a little longer…’</em> Bokuto thought for probably the fiftieth time this week. <br/><br/>Bokuto uses the strength he has left to brush his thumb back and forth on Akaashi’s shoulder as he peacefully sleeps the night away. Tonight he felt different, and not in the good way. In a very bad, sick, stomach twisting way. <br/><br/><em>‘I can’t….he can’t be asleep when I die! What happens when he wakes up?’ </em><br/><br/>If Bokuto had tears to cry, he would be full-on sobbing right now. But doing anything was exhausting to the point of no return, even breathing and keeping his eyes open was getting hard. <br/><br/><em>‘I can’t do this to him. Just a little bit longer. Please, just let me see him awake one more time!’</em><br/><br/>“You have to go now, Bokuto.” A soft familiar voice utters. “You can finally go to sleep.”<br/><br/>Bokuto looks past the sleeping Akaashi on his chest and out into his room where another Akaashi stands. The Akaashi (who he clearly knew was a hallucination) smiles in recognition and walks over to Bokuto, standing next to the bed. “Don’t you want to go to sleep?”<br/><br/>Bokuto can’t even manage to shake his head. <em>‘No. Not now. Never again.’ </em><br/><br/>“But you have to. It’s time.” Akaashi begins to reach for Bokuto’s hand that rested on his counterpart's shoulder. “It will be okay, I promise.”<br/><br/><em>‘No! I can’t leave him. He needs me! Go away! Get off me! Stupid fake Akaashi!’  </em>He tries his absolute hardest to force his body to move. But he felt paralyzed like he was glued to the bed.<br/><br/>“I’m afraid I’ve held back for as long as I can.” Hallucination Akaashi smiles sadly at the broken boy on the bed. “He'll be okay in time. Kuroo, Kenma, your old friends, and your family will be okay one day too. They’re here. Can you see them?”<br/><br/>Bokuto looks back out into the room, now seeing it filled with every single person who had even meant something to him. They all looked happy, beckoning for him to drift off to sleep like he had been unable to do for all these months. <br/><br/>Bokuto tries to look away from them. <em>‘I don’t want to sleep anymore. I’m happy staying awake forever if it means I get to see everyone smile when they see that I’m okay.</em>’<br/><br/>“But remember, life is unfair. You know that.” The hand finally reaches to grip around his own. <br/><br/><em>‘Yeah, I sure as hell do.’</em> Bokuto feels his entire body shaking. <em>‘It was so unfair to me that I fell in love with someone right after I found out I was dying and I couldn't even tell him!’ </em><br/><br/>“I know.” Hallucination Akaashi sympathizes. “He knows how you feel, I’m him, so I think I know.”<br/><br/><em>‘You arent real. Just a product of my dying brain. He’ll never know how I felt.’ </em><br/><br/>“I’ll tell him when he’s ready.” Kuroo speaks up. “Bro’s honor.”<br/><br/>Bokuto looks at him.<em> ‘And you better tell Kenma how you feel. Mary him while you’re at it!’ </em><br/><br/>“I’ll do it just for you.” Kuroo smiles. “As long as you go to sleep.” <br/><br/><em>‘I can’t. Stop trying to bribe me!’</em> <br/><br/>“Just close your eyes for a few seconds Ko. You’ll feel better!” His 2nd oldest sister Hankuchō says, stepping out from behind Kuroo. “Don’t you want to get it whatever rest you can? Don’t you want to see Akaashi when he wakes up in the morning?”<br/><br/><em>‘Yeah… I guess.’  </em>Bokuto begins to let his eyes shut. <em>‘But if this is some trick I’m going to switch your shampoo out with hair removal cream!’ </em><br/><br/>“In your dreams.” She taunts. <br/><br/>“Now, get some rest. We’ll all be waiting here for you in the morning.” His older sister Nosuri coaxes. <br/><em><br/></em><em>‘Yeah, you better be. I miss you guys so much.’ </em>Bokuto’s eyes slowly clamp shut.<br/><br/>The last things he sees are the fading bodies of the people closest to him. The only person who is left is Akaashi, who stands next to him illuminated by a bright light that seemed to be swallowing up the entire room. He reaches his hand out to Bokuto, who shakily takes it.<br/><br/>“Are you ready to go to sleep, Bokuto?”<br/><br/><em>‘As long as you’re here when I wake up.’ </em><br/><br/>Akaashi nods. “Of course. I’ll always be here.”<br/><br/>‘<em>Thank you, Akaashi.’</em><br/><br/>He finally closes his eyes, letting a feeling of peace wash over him. <br/><br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Bokuto sobs into Akaashi's chest, making the most heartbreaking noises Akaashi had ever heard. Sure he's heard Bokuto cry plenty of time before. But never like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi is so focused on Bokuto, he didn't notice himself start to cry. He tries to speak but his throat feels like it's closing. He holds Bokuto tightly and just cries with him for a while</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing Bokuto's full perspective really made him realize how much harder he had it. It made him feel selfish for even having nightmares about it. He had gone through the dream once. Bokuto had gone through it over four hundred times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm…right here, Keiji." Bokuto manages to get out through heaving breaths. "It's okay now." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This just makes Akaashi cry harder. Bokuto was so strong. Even through all that, the remembering, the explaining, the reciting, Bokuto was still caring for Akaashi over himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." Akaashi croaks, leaning his face into Bokuto's hair. "I should b-be saying that. To you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, no. I'll be okay." Bokuto takes in a deep breath, trembling slightly. He's finally able to get words out clearly, only pausing during the shuddering breaths that occasionally slipped. "You haven't heard any of this before, which is why we're focusing on you right now. I've been dealing with this pain for two years." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi bites his lip, a chill making its way from his head to his feet. "Dealing with it alone." He chokes suddenly, beginning to cough. "Why….didn't you tell me….sooner?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto rubs Akaashi's back. "I didn't want to see you upset like this. Knowing what I was thinking during all that, how I was hiding how much I was breaking down, I knew it'd crush you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isn't it crushing you?" Akaashi whimpers, his voice faltering again. "Keeping it all in until now?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto nods, moving his head up more on Akaashi's chest. "Yeah, it was crushing me for a while. Like the first time I saw you. That card you left me. I still have it by the way.  I look at it all the time, especially when I miss you." He wipes his cheeks on Akaashi's sweater. "The second I saw you on your birthday, even though you were crying on my chest, everything felt like it was finally lifted. Not completely of course. But knowing you were there and okay with us being soulmates was really what made me feel a lot better.”<br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi draws in a shuddering breath. His shoulders rise rapidly and fall slowly. He tries to copy Bokuto's now calm breathing the best that he can. "You thought I would reject you?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mhm." Bokuto hums. "I thought that after all that, you'd tell me you just wanted to stay friends and that'd be that." He sighs. "We'd both pretend we were soulmate-less. After high school, you'd go to a college far away. And during break we wouldn't hang out anymore. You'd ignore all my messages. All my useless attempts at trying to win your heart. And then I'd…" Bokuto breaks again, another sob tearing from his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bo… please don't tell me you were considering…" Akaashi stops himself, his body not even letting him say the words he was thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry. It was horrible of me to even think of turning to that. I just-" He takes a deep breath to try and compose himself,  burying his face back into Akaashi's chest. "I don't know what I would have done. I'd be losing my best friend and my soulmate." <br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would have never even thought of doing that to you. After seeing our past? No way." Akaashi pulls back a bit, trying to get a look at Bokuto's face. "I don't think I could have done that even if I didn't know you." He cups Bokuto's cheek and tries to get a grip on his emotions. "Do you still think about… doing that?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto looks up at Akaashi and blinks away the last bit of his tears. "No, I haven't thought about that since…" he thinks. "Probably the night before your birthday. When you picked up my phone call and I was having another breakdown. You calmed me down."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Technically your sisters did but- I won't fight you on that. Do you promise?" Akaashi asks tearfully. "I don't want you to ever deal with that alone again." </span>
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  <span>"Pinky promise." Bokuto removes his hand from the back of Akaashi's head and holds up his pinky. "I'll tell you if it ever happens again." <br/></span>
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  <span>Akaashi interlocks their pinkies, leaning in toward Bokuto to close the gap between them.</span>
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  <span>Bokuto sighs happily, kissing Akaashi back. His worries begin to drift away.</span>
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  <span>Akaashi moves his lips to Bokuto's cheek, kissing softly. He has to cheer the boy up somehow so he lightly sucks on the skin, tasting the salty residue left from the earlier tears. </span>
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  <span>Bokuto chuckles. "What? Trying to leave marks on my face now?" </span>
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  <span>"Shut up. I was trying to make you feel better." Akaashi blushes, pulling back from Bokuto. "But really, are you okay?" </span>
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  <span>"I'm okay if you're okay. So, are you?" Bokuto asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi nods. "Yeah. You're right here, so things are fine and will be fine." He hugs Bokuto tightly. "Now tell me something happier." <br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto thinks for a second as Akaashi gets comfortable. "I could tell you about what happened after I woke up. How hard it was to keep this from you for an entire year."</span>
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  <span>"That doesn't sound very happy." Akaashi mumbles, nipping slightly at the skin on Bokuto's collar bones.</span>
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  <span>"Yeah." Bokuto shifts slightly, a familiar feeling of heat coursing through him. "But, it's the rest of the story. Don't you want to know everything? That's what you said." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi mumbles back incoherently. Bokuto figured he must be tired. From the driving, the unpacking, all the crying they'd both done. It had been a long day.</span>
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  <span>"I can tell you tomorrow if you want to go to sleep." He leans his head on Akaashi's and looks out the window. The sky is pitch black but littered with stars. The bright light of the moon is the only thing illuming the frost ridden outside world.  "We both should probably get changed first, maybe shower."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Together?" Akaashi asks. </span>
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  <span>"Ah-" Bokuto flusters at the comment.  Despite his own forward attitude, hearing Akaashi say something like that made him nervous. "Aren't your parents home?"<br/></span>
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  <span>"Oh. Right." Akaashi grumbles. The two had vaguely heard the opening of the front door and the soft talking earlier that hour when Bokuto was talking about his first hallucination. "We probably shouldn't." </span>
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  <span>"You know I hate to admit it, but we're both pretty loud." Bokuto cringes, remembering the time Kuroo and Kenma had caught them and filmed that audio clip. Sometimes he questioned when he was even friends with Kuroo. </span>
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  <span>"Mm. Yeah." Akaashi yawns, the weight of sleep heavy on him. "I don't think my parents would like that very much." </span>
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  <span>Bokuto frowns. "Yeah. It'd probably ruin their image of me even more."<br/></span>
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  <span>Akaashi is silent for a while. All Bokuto can hear is his soft breathing and the shifting of the blankets before he finally speaks up. "I was trying to counter your point. But, you're undeniably right. I really don't want that for you. You're such a good person, Bo. They just haven't seen it yet." </span>
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  <span>Bokuto nods, feeling his eyes tear again. He wasn't sure how he still had tears left to shed. His whole body felt dehydrated. "Do you think there's still time for me to prove myself?" </span>
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  <span>"Plenty." Akaashi draws his head back, resting his chin on Bokuto's peck. "It'll work out in the end. And if it doesn't with my family, at least we have your family." <br/></span>
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  <span>"Yeah, they love you." Bokuto chuckles. "I'm pretty sure they all bought you Christmas gifts." </span>
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  <span>Akaashi gasps. "Really? I guess I'll have to go out and buy them some stuff too." </span>
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  <span>"Tomorrow." Bokuto begins to sit up, Akaashi following. They end up sitting beside each other, not too close but not too far. “For now, we should just enjoy our alone time. Who knows what the month will bring?” <br/><br/>“Hopefully some happier nights.” Akaashi replies.<br/><br/>“Mm, yeah. I have tons of those planned.” Bokuto smirks. Boy, did he in fact have plans for Akaashi’s birthday. It was their anniversary after all. It's been almost a year now. It had to be perfect. “Tonight had to be like this. Even though it was so sad. It was what you wanted.” <br/><br/>Akaashi nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it’d be this bad. I should have expected it.”<br/><br/>“It’s fine. You couldn't have known. Plus,” Bokuto leans back on the headboard and looks away from Akaashi. “It was nice to get it out.” He mumbles, frowning. He hates when Akaashi proves him wrong. <br/></span>
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  <span>Akaashi smiles softly. “I told you it would be.”</span>
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  <span>“Yeah, yeah.” Bokuto pouts, still keeping his gaze away from Akaashi. “Rub it in, will you?”</span>
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  <span>“Bokuto~San. You know that's not what I’m trying to do.” He reaches for Bokuto’s hands, taking them in his.</span>
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  <span>“I know. Feels like it though.” Bokuto continues to pout, now looking at Akaashi rather than avoiding him. “You know me better than I know me.”</span>
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  <span>Akaashi hums, leaning in to place another kiss on Bokuto’s lips. Bokuto happily kisses back, not letting Akaashi pull away for a while before finally resting their foreheads against each other.</span>
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  <span>“There's a reason that I was your setter, Bokuto~San.”</span>
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  <span>Bokuto smiles. “And I’m so thankful that I got to be your ace.” </span>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hiya! Here once again to say thank you all so much for reading! I still have at least one bonus chapter planned so if you wanted to stick around for that, it'd be greatly appreciated!</p><p>I love you all so much, stay alive &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bonus: The Year Between Dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Let’s compromise.” Bokuto looks down at Akaashi and grips his hand a bit tighter. “You said you wanted to hear about the year between my dream and yours, right? Cause you said you wanted to know everything?”</p><p>Akaashi nods, giving Bokuto’s hand a squeeze.</p><p>“Okay, then how about I talk about that?” Bokuto looks over at his sisters. “Will that make you guys happy enough?”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <span>"For the last time, I'm not telling you!" <br/><br/></span>
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  <span>Bokuto's sisters both groan. </span>
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  <span>Hankuchō pokes what she could reach of Akaashi’s leg with her foot. "Akaashi? C'monnnn tell us!”</span>
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  <span>Akaashi fixes his gaze up to Bokuto, as he had originally been looking out into the room at Bokuto’s two sisters. His head was resting on a pillow on Bokuto’s lap. "You didn't tell them?"</span>
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  <span>"Akaashi, I told you!” Bokuto whines. He reaches down to grab Akaashi’s hand. “You're the only living breathing human who knows the whole story of the dream from my eyes!" </span>
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  <span>“I thought you were just saying that to make me feel better.” He replies.</span>
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  <span>Bokuto gasps dramatically, almost offended by Akaashi’s words. “I WOULD NEVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT JUST TO PLEASE YOU!”</span>
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  <span>“Hey, be quiet! Mom and Dad are sleeping!” Nosuri hisses.</span>
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  <span>Bokuto covers his mouth with freehand. “Oops. Sorry.”</span>
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  <span>The three siblings, plus Akaashi, had been hanging out in the Bokuto residence living room for about two hours now.  It was December 25th (well now the 26th since it had just turned to 12 am) and the four of them were just talking and having a good time. Bokuto only agreed to this because he wanted Akaashi to see that his family really did like him. He knew Akaashi was still in denial about the whole thing, he thought this about all the new people he met, even if he had known them for a long time. He always had a hard time trusting people.<br/><br/>“So how much do they know?” Akaashi asks. <br/><br/>“Uh,” Bokuto thinks for a moment. “Not a lot, honestly. Just the fact that I had FFI and died. And some stuff about you and Kuroo being around. I told them the night before your birthday when I was having a panic attack, remember?” <br/><br/>“Ah. Yeah, I remember.” Akaashi looks over at the two other girls. “Trust me, you really do not want to know.” He pauses for a moment. “It took him two years to tell <em>me</em> what went on from his eyes, so…”<br/><br/>“Two years?” Hankuchō’s eyes widened. “What, did he tell you like yesterday?” <br/><br/>“December 1st.” Akaashi replies.<br/><br/>The two seemed to be in shock, staring at Bokuto like he was crazy. Well, he is and they both know that. But, this seemed to be a new level of crazy, even for him.<br/><br/>Akaashi begins shifting quite a bit, tapping on Bokuto’s fingers with his own and moving his body as the anxiety seeps through his bones. It’s all involuntary, he barely notices he’s doing it. But by now, Bokuto’s learned about some of the things that made Akaashi this way, and he knew he had to diverge the conversation before it got worse. <br/><br/>“Let’s compromise.” Bokuto looks down at Akaashi and grips his hand a bit tighter. “You said you wanted to hear about the year between my dream and yours, right? Cause you said you wanted to know everything?”<br/><br/>Akaashi nods, giving Bokuto’s hand a squeeze.<br/><br/>“Okay, then how about I talk about that?” Bokuto looks over at his sisters. “Will that make you guys happy enough?” <br/><br/>Nosuri and Hankuchō look at each other, giving a small nod of agreement before looking back to where Bokuto and Akaashi rest on the couch.<br/><br/>“We’re all ears.”<br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Bokuto opens his eyes with a shuddering gasp. <br/><br/><em>‘Im…. alive! Oh-- god I’m alive. AKAASHI IS MY-- he’s going to have to wake up to me dead.’</em><br/><br/>Bokuto curls into himself, feeling the tears streaming down his face. He can barely breathe and his stomach is tied up in knots. Luckily, there's a trashcan nearby where he can empty what was left of last night's dinner without making a big mess. He doesn’t try to hide the noise and he soon regrets it, already hearing someone rushing up the stairs to check on him. <br/><br/><em>‘Please… go away.’</em><br/><br/><br/>He doesn't want to see anyone but at the same time, he wants to see everyone and reassure them that he is in fact okay and alive. But he's terrified of slipping up and telling them about this. About his dream. About the fact that his setter, the reason he is in the top five ace’s in Japan, is in fact his soulmate. <br/><br/><em>‘I can't even tell Akaashi about this until his eighteenth birthday at the end of next year! How am I ever going to do that? How am I even going to manage having this dream for that long? I feel like my organs are being ripped to shreds.’</em><br/><br/>Bokuto finds himself retching again, except this time nothing comes out. He can’t stop. He was still feeling all the effects from his death. His final thoughts. His hallucination. The fact that he never got to have a full life. A life with Akaashi.<br/><br/>He can’t stop crying. Even when his parents come in and ask him frantically about what happened in his dream and what they could do to help. He politely pushed them away and locked the door, insisting that he needed some time to process before he told anybody else. He didn't have the guts to face them anytime soon, let alone his team and his friends who he was supposed to go roller-skating with today for his birthday. <br/><br/>When he’s finally calmed down to a point where he isn't gagging every few seconds, he reaches over to check his phone for the first time that morning. The first text he can see is from Akaashi.<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: <em>(sent at 9:17am September 20th, 2012)</em><br/><br/>[Hey, happy birthday! Are we meeting up early? I'm guessing you want to discuss your dream with me so I thought maybe we could go for a walk or something? Maybe get lunch? Let me know. I’ll be around all day. ]<br/><br/><br/><em>‘Well, that was a mistake’</em>  <br/><br/>Bokuto can already feel the memories flashing back to him once again. The way Akaashi looked while he slept. The way he looked so peaceful while he was unknowingly having his final moments with the boy who had fallen in love with him.<br/><br/>Bokuto reaches for the trash can once again.<br/><br/></span>
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  <span>A few days later, Bokuto is forced out of his apocalypse bunker of a room.</span>
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  <span>He had already skipped the first two days of school that week, and his parents didn't want his grades to slip more than they already were. He groggily got up, got dressed, and trudged off to school. He couldn't bring himself to sleep for very long, which just freaked him out more</span>
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    <span> ‘What if I have FFI in this life too? I’ll leave Akaashi alone and… I’ll never get to say what I was, and I guess am, truly thinking about him all the time. How long have I even liked him? Ugh, feelings are so complicated!'</span>
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  <span>He walks through the halls with an unusually sour expression. He doesn't notice it but many people turn to look at him. He hadn't been here in days, it was just his birthday, and he was quiet. They all knew something was up. </span>
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  <span>When Bokuto walks into his homeroom and goes to his desk and abruptly stops, staring down at the bento and card sitting on his desk. He recognizes the handwriting as Akaashi's and he tries to stop himself from tearing up. He sits down and carefully picks up the card, running his thumb over the writing on the front. His name, Kōtarō Bokuto, in Akaashi's neat blocky handwriting. </span>
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  <span>Bokuto carefully opens the card and pulls it out. An unexpected grin comes to his face. He hadn’t smiled like this in days. Akaashi had gotten him an owl themed birthday card. The card was a light teal and had four owls on the front along with the words "Have a Hoot on your birthday!" </span>
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    <span>‘Cute… he always knows what I want…’</span>
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  <span>Bokuto opens the card and begins to read it to himself. It was a blank card so the entire inside of it was full with two pages of whatever Akaashi had chosen to write. Part of him wants to go to the bathroom to read it so he won't cry in front of everyone. But he knows that he can't wait that long. <br/><br/>He hadn’t talked to Akaashi in days, having only texted him on the morning of his birthday and last night to tell him he would be in today. Even if it’s just a card, he could hear Akaashi’s voice as he read it to himself.<br/><br/></span>
</p><p><span>Dear Bokuto~San, </span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>          Happy Eighteenth birthday! </span><span><br/></span><span>        I know it's probably cliche to say this since you clearly aren't happy. But, you’re eighteen so what am I supposed to say. Just ‘Eighteenth birthday!’? That’d be stupid. You’d probably like it if I had done that. You like everything no matter what.</span><span><br/></span> <span>Anyways, I  didn’t know if you wanted to see me or not since you’ve been avoiding everyone for a few days. So I dropped this card off on your desk, along with your favorite </span><span>Yakiniku and some other things. I made everything myself so I hope it's up to your standards of what good food is.</span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>        If you ever do want to talk about your dream, I’ll always be around to listen. I can’t admit that I’ll have the best advice but I guess it’s still nice to have someone to talk to about it. I can imagine it's hard, and that it will be hard for a while. But, things always get better. On the bright side, you know who your soulmate is, which is cool. Now you can spend some of your free time soulmate hunting (which I'm guessing you’re going to make me tag along during) so that’s exciting at least.</span><span><br/></span><span>       Kuroo and I were talking about maybe setting another date for roller skating if you’re up for it. A smaller, more personal event with just us, Kurroo, Kenma, and maybe Tsukishima and Hinata if they can somehow get here. Oh, and just message the group chat if you’re coming to practice today. It’s been all kinds of chaos without you here. But, don’t let me pressure you into coming back. Come when you feel ready. </span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>     I'm running out of room to write so I’ll have to make this last bit short. It’s easier for me to get my thoughts out on paper so don’t think I’m just saying this to be nice on your birthday. I mean it. All the time. So listen up. I’m glad I get to play volleyball with you. I’m also glad that you’ve included me as one of your own, even though I’m a year younger. It’s nice to be included in such a loving family/ team environment. It means more than you could understand. Thank you. </span><span><br/></span><span><br/></span><span>- Akaashi</span><span><br/><br/></span></p><p>
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    <em>‘Well, so much for not crying in class.’</em>
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  <span><br/><br/>Later that afternoon, Bokuto finds himself feeling energetic. Back to himself in a way. He had decided to go to practice, even though he had barely slept for the last few days. He needed to be back on the court. He couldn't fall behind. It was his last year after all. They had to go to nationals during his last year. <br/><br/>“Bokuto~San. You’re here early.” <br/><br/>Bokuto feels himself flush. <em>‘Shit. Okay. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.’ </em><br/><br/>He turns around, seeing Akaashi coming up behind him. He still has his usual blank face on, but his expression looks different. He looks almost… concerned.<br/><br/>“Hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto speaks softly, trying to keep his voice from breaking. “how have ya been?”<br/><br/>“I should be the one asking you that.” Akaashi stops a few feet away and frowns. “You haven’t slept, have you?”<br/><br/>Bokuto looks away from him, trying to not let his brain wander. All he can think about is how Akaashi will react next year on his birthday. React to waking up to a dead Bokuto.<br/><br/>“I can’t bring myself to. Sleeping, not sleeping. They both freak me out!” <br/><br/>Akaashi sighs. “You should go home. I can handle a few more days while you get yourself sorted out. This is a big deal, Bokuto~San.”<br/><br/>“No.” Bokuto shakes his head. “I can’t fall behind because of some stupid fate decided by whoever is up in the clouds. So what, my past life was horrible and I’m really scared of what's going to happen in my future. Volleyball won’t wait. Nationals won't wait.” He replies stubbornly.  <em>‘God, I missed real life you more than I thought I would.’ </em><br/><br/>“You should take more time for yourself.” Akaashi sighs again, patting Bokuto on the shoulder. “I’m taking you home.” <br/><br/>“What? No! You can’t do that!” He looks up at Akaashi, who has gotten a bit closer to him. He once again feels his face flush. “I just got here! I was finally feeling like myself again! Please don’t make me go back and experience-” his throat clogs up and he looks back down. “-that nightmare again.”<br/><br/>Akaashi’s eyes widen and he stammers an apology. “Oh- I’m sorry Bokuto~San. I didn’t mean to-”<br/><br/>"Don't." Bokuto hugs him tightly, trying to avoid the drumming of his heart and the blush on his cheeks. “I’m just sleep-deprived and sad and I really need a hug.”<br/><br/>“If it’ll make you feel better.” Akaashi slowly wraps his arms around Bokuto. “How about I walk you home later and we can try to solve your insomnia problem.” <br/><br/>Bokuto freezes.<em> ‘Is it considered insomnia at this point? Oh god. I have it. There's no way that I don’t have it. I’m dead. I should tell him now. I have to tell him- before it's too late!’</em> <br/><br/>He takes a heavy breath, trying to squeeze out the lump in his throat. “Akaashi I-”<br/><br/><em>‘I can’t do this to him. It’s not fair. I’d ruin his experience.’</em> <br/><br/>“I’d really like that.” <br/><br/><br/></span>
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  <span>Later that night, Akaashi and Bokuto agree to stay on call so Bokuto can hopefully fall asleep knowing he had some moral support. Along with a few melatonin gummies, Bokuto was out in thirty minutes, leaving Akaashi to just stare off and wonder what was going on inside his head. </span>
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  <span>These calls went on for months. Even when Bokuto was starting to ease up more, he didn’t want to break the habit with Akaashi. He liked it. Being able to wake up and know that Akaashi was with him, even if it was over the phone. It was a comforting thought to know that Akaashi would likely be okay with them being soulmates. Sometimes when things got bad, Akaashi would even come over and comfort Bokuto in person, which made him feel really hopeful for the future of their relationship. </span>
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  <span>Fall turned to Winter, Winter to Spring. It was May now. Bokuto was numb to his dream. Numb to the fact that he had to die every night. Numb to the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he could never change the outcome of the story. Never change the words he said to Akaashi when he could still speak. </span>
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  <span>Eventually, their nighttime calls dwindled down to just a night or two a week, when things sometimes got bad again. Occasionally, the dream would really shake Bokuto up more than usual, and Akaashi would wake up with a bunch of missed calls. He seemed to be the only one Bokuto trusted, aside from Kuroo of course. That boy truly was a miracle worker. <br/></span>
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  <span>“How should I tell him?”</span>
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  <span>“I could ask you the same question.” </span>
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  <span>It was October 5th, 2013. Kuroo and Bokuto were both away at college. They had frequent phone calls, as friends do. But they were mostly just to talk about how shaken up they still were from their soulmate flashbacks. </span>
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  <span>"I only have ten more days." Kuroo stares up at the ceiling, running a hand through his hair. "I doubt he's going to start the conversation. He's probably going to avoid me. And since I'm all the way at stupid college I cant go annoy him about it." </span>
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  <span>"What if you weren't at college?" Bokuto replies. He was currently in the school's cafeteria getting dinner while he spoke to Kuroo through his headphones.</span>
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  <span>"I- what are you talking about?" Kuroo shifts, looking at his phone, forgetting this wasn't a video chat. "Can you not be stupid for four seconds?" </span>
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  <span>“I’m not being stupid!” Bokuto speaks defensively, ignoring the stares from the other students in the cafeteria. He’s currently walking through to where the checkout line is with some sort of pasta meat salad thing. He’s not sure what it is, it just looked good. “I’m saying why don’t you just sneak out for the day, drive back home, and break into his house?”</span>
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  <span>“Bokuto! Are you an idiot?” Kuroo pauses. “Wait- of course you are.” He grumbles, getting up and going over to his desk with his phone in hand. “Kenma’s birthday is on a Wednesday. It’ll take too long to drive home and get back at a decent hour. I’ll be dead on Thursday!” </span>
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  <span>“Hmmm.” Bokuto swipes his school ID to pay for his dinner, giving the staff a polite smile before walking off. “Just drive down over the weekend. Oh, and bring me!” <br/><br/>“You? Why?” Kuroo flips open his laptop, looking over the document he had filled up with ideas on what he was going to say to Kenma. “How are you involved in my soulmate endeavors?” <br/><br/>“Uhm- I’m not! I just want to see Akaashi. I miss him! He is my soulmate you know.” Bokuto replies. <br/><br/>Kuroo groans. “Fine. I’ll take you.”<br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>"So, Kuroo and Kenma, huh?" Akaashi asks. He and Bokuto were walking through town, trying to give Kenma and Kuroo the space they deserved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenma hadn't slept yet, being too afraid of his dream. Bokuto could only imagine how emotional it would be when the younger boy woke up to find Kuroo next to him, alive and well. </span>
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  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>That's not the worst idea actually. Maybe I should be there for Akaashi when he wakes up on his birthday.'</span>
  </em>
  <span> Bokuto thinks, spacing out as a wave of anxiety courses through him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bokuto~San?" Akaashi waves a hand in front of his face as the two continue to walk. "You okay?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh-" Bokuto looks to his left at Akaashi. "Yeah, sorry. Just thinking." He looks away again, his eyes focusing on the busy street ahead. "I've known since last year,  Kuroo called me right after he woke up. He was in the worst shape I've ever seen him." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mm, I couldn't imagine." Akaashi nods, also looking ahead. "Keeping that kind of secret from his best friend for almost a whole year. You could never." <br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ah- hey!" Bokuto glares at him. "Don't doubt my secret-keeping skills!" His voice goes softer. "It's been three hundred and ninety-three days, Akaashi. No one knows the full story of my dream. Not you, not Kuroo, not even my parents." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi frowns, keeping his eyes averted from Bokuto's. He absolutely hated seeing that look in his eyes. That sad look that was only present when he spoke about his soulmate. "Maybe it's time to tell someone, Bokuto~San." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto sighs, looking up at the sky. "I wish… I wish I could." A pain instantly forms in his chest. "I just…. I don't want anyone to worry." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi looks over at Bokuto, whose gaze is still up at the sky. "You do have a soulmate…. right, Bokuto~San?" This may have been a dumb question. It was incredibly rare to not have a soulmate, but sometimes it just happened. Akaaahi just had to be sure that this wasn't the case.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, you thought-" Bokuto pauses for a moment. "I have a soulmate. He's… perfect." Bokuto pauses again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>'And he's standing right next to me.' </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sighs, silently wishing he had the guts to say what he thought out loud. "But that's not the problem."<br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi is lost in thought for a moment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘So Bokuto’s soulmate is a guy. That can’t be why he’s been freaking out, he’s been really open about not being straight. But then what could be so bad about his soulmate, or rather his dream? I wish he would just tell me already so I could help him.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span> He glances to the side again and sees Bokuto gripping tightly onto his burgundy scarf with a fist. His dream was getting to him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey." Akaashi stops walking and grabs Bokuto's arm. They had stopped right in front of a bakery that radiated a sweet scent. "Let's go in here. I'll buy you something." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto looks at Akaashi's hand on his arm, then at the bakery, then at Akaashi. "Really?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akaashi nods. "Yes. That's what friends do for each other, Bokuto~San." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto feels his chest pang again. That word. Friends. That would change soon. Akaashi had no idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I know." <br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It’s November 18th, a chilly Saturday afternoon. </span>
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  <span>Time was running out for Bokuto. He only had seventeen days left until Akaashi’s birthday. He had a few things in mind. But there was one thing he couldn't figure out by himself. So, he asked his trusty companion Kuroo (who happened to be studying in a nearby college) to help him out. </span>
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  <span>“You want to what?” Kuroo keels over laughing. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” </span>
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  <span>Bokuto pouts, sinking down into Kuroo’s egg chair. “It’s not stupid! It’s romantic! Kuroo please c’mon! This can benefit you too!” </span>
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  <span>Kuroo laughs harder. “You think Kenma will want to slow dance with me? A guy could dream. He barely pays attention to me even when he’s sitting right next to me!” </span>
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  <span>“I know- I know. Maybe if you stopped being a simp and buying him video games every other week, he’d pay more attention to you!” Bokuto retorts, crossing his arms over his chest. </span>
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  <span>Kuroo stops laughing, looking at Bokuto with confusion. “What the fuck did you just call me?”<br/><br/>“I- uh-” Bokuto freezes. The amount of parallels he had experienced from his past life to his real one was getting ridiculous at this point. <em>‘I should probably explain it to him this time.</em>’ This parallel was one he really did not want to experience the rest of. “It means someone who does way too much for a person they like to the point it becomes obsessive and kinda creepy.” <br/><br/>“It’s not creepy or obsessive!” Kuroo counters. “I’m his soulmate, I'm allowed to spoil him! I love him!” Kuroo covers his mouth immediately, face flushing. <br/><br/>“Whoah-- the big L word!” Bokuto jumps up from the chair. “You’re already on that stage? It’s barely been a month!”<br/><br/>Kuroo shakes his head. “No- I-- just forget I said that.”<br/><br/>Bokuto smirks. “Ah, I see I see. You haven't said it yet.” He walks around the dorm a bit. “Okay, I’ll forget you ever said that if,” he pauses for dramatic effect and looks at Kuroo. “ you learn to slow dance with me.”<br/><br/>Kuroo grumbles and leans back against the wall. “Look man. I used to tell Kenma I loved him like all the time before I found out we were soulmates. Saying it now is….different…” <br/><br/>Bokuto sighs and sits on the bed next to Kuroo. “Yeah, I know. Must be hard especially since you’ve known Kenma for so long.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, ya think?” Kuroo sighs and practically bangs his head on the wall. “I haven’t said it since summer to him and it’s killing me. He probably didn’t even notice though.” He frowns. “I want him to say it first.”<br/><br/>“Sorry to burst your bubble,” he pats Kuroos shoulder “but I don’t think Kenma would be one to express his feelings first.” Bokuto replies.<br/><br/>Kuroo looks down. “I know. You should have seen him when he woke up.” He smiles sadly. “He was trying so hard to pretend he was alright. I was sitting at his desk getting some work done when he woke up and the second I turned to look at him he just broke down.” He pauses. “That was probably the first time he had openly cried in front of me.”<br/><br/>Bokuto hums, taking his hand off Kuroos shoulder. “Well, that's a start. Maybe if you perform some more grand gestures like I don’t know slow dancing, he’ll open up more to you.”<br/><br/>“You jackass.” Kuroo glares at him before getting up and walking over to his desk. “I hate you, you know that right?” <br/><br/>Bokuto pouts. “Do you not have any memory of me telling you about how I hallucinated you in my other life and convinced myself that you hated me for like three weeks?” He pauses. “And also the whole “trying to push you away thing” that just didn't work at all?”<br/><br/>“Oh, I remember all right.” Kuroo begins typing something into the search bar, his back to Bokuto. “I think it’s stupid how you ever think I’d do that to you. The hallucination thing.”<br/><br/>“Kuroo!” Bokuto practically flings himself onto his slightly taller friend, wrapping his arms around his neck. “You love me?”<br/><br/>“Yes, you airhead.” Kuroo pushes Bokuto off of him. “Now are you ready to learn this or not?”<br/><br/>Bokuto nods enthusiastically. “Let’s do it!”<br/></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span> Bokuto sits at his desk, staring outside as the first few flurries of snowfall down. <br/><br/>He instinctively gets up and opens the window, sticking his hand out to make sure he can feel the ice crystals hitting his warm hands. Surely enough, they do. The cold wind whips on his hand and into his room so he quickly shuts the window and sits back down.<br/><br/>Bokuto sighs softly, rubbing his hands together to make them warmer. Ever since his dream, he’d found himself doing reality checks more often. Most of them had to do with the people he was around. He’d give them a quick tap with his hand or shoulder, just to make sure they were actually there. No one really thought anything of it luckily, they just took it as him being clingy.<br/><br/>Part of him wished that they would catch on.<br/><br/>An anxious feeling rushes over him as he looks down at the black page in front of him. The only thing currently written on it was ‘Dear Akaashi Keiji (I should probably be formal), Happy Eighteenth birthday!’ and that wouldn't do. He had to think of something good. Something that would make Akaashi feel better. But, his brain was too busy swimming with thoughts of how Akaashi would react when he woke up.<br/><br/>He barely recognizes the anxious feelings washing over him. The trembling of his hands as he struggles to pick up his pencil. The soft whimper that rips from his throat when that repetitive thought comes back to haunt him.<br/><br/><em>‘What if Akaashi doesn't want to be your soulmate?’</em><br/><br/>“Crap.” Bokuto mutters, resting his forehead on top of the blank letter. He wraps his arms around himself tightly, hitting his chest with his forearm as the feelings swell. “Go away. I can’t- I can’t deal with you tonight. I have to be strong… for Akaashi...”<br/><br/>He shut his eyes tight, trying to visualize a happier outcome.<br/><br/><em>‘Akaashi will wake up and I’ll be right there. The first thing he’ll see is me, alive. And he’ll--’</em> Bokuto’s visualization takes a turn. Akaashi stares at him with a blank face. He’s not crying. “Get out.” he says.<br/><br/>Bokuto manages to drag himself to his bed, grabbing his pillow and shoving his face into it. He wants to scream. He hates admitting it, but he’s terrified. After all this pain for so many days, he can’t imagine how much worse it would hurt if Akaashi rejected him.<br/><br/>He begins to spiral more. Of course, he’d been spiraling for months but tonight was especially bad. It was December 4th, the night before Akaashi’s eighteenth birthday. He had no one to talk to. Kuroo was with Kenma, his sisters were-- well he could talk to them but chances were he would spill everything right then and there. The only other person was Akaashi himself. Talking to him might help, even if Bokuto couldn't say what was bothering him specifically. <br/><br/>He makes up a quick lie and grabs his phone, shakily texting Akaashi. <br/><br/><br/>Bokuto: (sent at 7:49 pm, December 4th, 2013)<br/><br/>[Heyyyy ]<br/>[So, I did a stupid and took a nap. ]<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi answers almost immediately, which is surprising for him.<br/><br/><br/>Akaashi: (sent at 7:50 pm, December 4th, 2013)<br/><br/>[ Do you need me to calm you down again?]<br/><br/><br/>Boktuo: (sent at 7:50pm)<br/><br/>[ If you don’t mind :pleading face: ]<br/><br/><br/>He begins typing another text. <br/><br/><br/>[ I know its the night before your birthday and you’re probably stressed enough but-- ]<br/><br/><br/>Bokuto is unable to finish his next message, a call from Akaashi flashing onto his screen. He sucks in what air he can manage and picks up the phone. <br/><br/>“That call was in record time! How are you Kaashi?” He croaks, trying to cover up the fact that he was holding back sobs. <br/><br/>“Of course. I had to make sure you were okay.” Akaashi takes an audible inhale, hoping Bokuto will copy him and do the same. “I didn’t have the most eventful day if I'm being honest. I was doing college applications for a while and then I spent some time writing.” <br/><br/>Bokuto takes a breath. “I remember those days.” He sniffles, a sudden twitch causing his arm to jolt a bit. He had discovered that to be an anxiety tic of his. “What were you writing about?”<br/><br/>“Ah- just a story I’ve been working on for a few months. It’s stupid and it’d be hard to explain.” He replies back. He seems a little embarrassed about it, only sparking Bokuto’s curiosity further. <br/><br/>“C’mon I won’t judge you!” Bokuto grabs his earbuds from his bedside table drawer. “I’ll lay here with my eyes closed, you can read me like a chapter or two, and I’ll visualize it in my head!” <br/><br/>Akaashi sighs softly from the other side of the phone. Bokuto can hear him begin to type on the keyboard of his laptop. There's a few moments of silence. “Are you sure?” <br/><br/>“Yes!” Bokuto replies back. He’s plugged his headphone in by now and he’s laying on his back with a pillow nestled on his chest. “I’m ready to become the main character and go on an adventure!” <br/><br/>Akaashi chuckles. “If you insist.” <br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>He begins to read, only because he knows it will distract Bokuto long enough for him to come back down to earth. He’s been told that his voice was soothing about a hundred times from his silver-haired friend so he kept that in mind as he read. </span>
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  <span>After a chapter, Bokuto seemed to be better. He’s stopped sniffling and Akaashi can hear his even breaths.  Akaashi takes a deep breath himself, trying to get over his own anxiety. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better now, Bokuto~ San?” <br/><br/>Bokuto hums in response. <em>‘Better, but not completely. I won’t be better until I know you’re okay with us being soulmates tomorrow.’</em> His eyes are still closed and he’s basking in the sound Akaashi’s voice saying his name. “You should read to me more often. Your story sounds really interesting! I want to know what happens next.”<br/><br/>“Well-- I could read more if you want.” Akaashi blushes from the embarrassment. “But you should probably go drink water now that you’re calmer. You’re probably dehydrated from the crying.” <br/><br/>“Mmm yeah, you’re probably right.” Bokuto sits up, rubbing his palms on his forehead as he rides out the headrush. “I’ll be right back, I left my water bottle downstairs by accident.” <br/><br/>“Take your time.” Akaashi replies. <br/><br/>Bokuto bids him a small goodbye before removing his headphones and walking out of his room. He heads downstairs to the kitchen and is met with his sisters who seem to be baking something. <br/><br/>“Ko! Hey!” Bokuto’s second older sister Hakuchō greets him cheerfully. “We’re making matcha cookies! Wanna help?” <br/><br/>“It’ll be fun!” His eldest sister Nosuri turns to look at him. She walks up to him and rubs her thumb on his cheek. “Were you crying? There's marks on your cheek."<br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto crosses his arms and backs away from his sister. “No! I wasn't! What makes you think that?” </span>
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  <span>Hankuchō frowns. “Ko, c’mon we know when you're upset.” She walks over to him as well. “Did you take a nap before and have your dream again?”</span>
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  <span>“No! I’m fine guys really!” Bokuto pushes past them, ignoring the sudden tears that have flooded back into his eyes. He grabs his water bottle from the counter, seeing as it has been washed now. “I just came downstairs for some water. I’m on the phone.” </span>
  <span>
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  <span>“Oooh with Akaashi?” Hankuchō sings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto nods, filling up his water bottle with water from the filter that sat next to the fridge. "Yeah. He was calming me down. Kuroo's busy with his soulmate so Akaashi's the only option."<br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So you</span>
  <em>
    <span> did</span>
  </em>
  <span> have your dream again!" Nosuri turns to her sister. "Why does he never come to us for help?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hankuchō shrugs. "Maybe because Akaashi is his soulmate and he wants to be comforted by him rather than us." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nosuri laughs. "Hah, right. Like he could keep that kind of secret for this long."<br/><br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto freezes in place. His sisters stand in a stunned silence, waiting for him to say something. The water spills over the top of his bottle and onto the counter. He struggles to clean it up. </span>
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  <span>"Nice chatting with you both but I have to go!" Bokuto finishes cleaning and tries to get away before they notice his red face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Kōtarō!" His sisters practically chase him back to his room. "Are you serious? Please tell us you were just joking!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto locks the door, resting his back against the door. "I can't hear you when the door is shut! Goodbye! I have a phone call to attend too!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Kōtarō!" They both bang on the door. </span>
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  <span>"Is it really him? Open the door! We have to talk about this right now!" Nosuri begs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go away!" Bokuto replies back, heading over to his bed and putting his earbuds back on. "Akaashi help me." He whines. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's wrong? Your sisters bothering you about something again?" Akaashi asks. "Did they notice how red your eyes are?" <br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I guess so." Bokuto takes one of his earbuds off and listens. Silence. "I think they went away. I'm good." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's good." Akaashi replies. His voice sounds slightly muffled now like his mic is being covered by a blanket or a pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Bokuto can ask about it though, his room door opens. There stand his sisters holding the silver key that opens his room. </span>
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  <span>"Shiet." Bokuto glares at them. "I said go away! It's none of your business!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think it's exactly our business." Nosuri walks into the room and sits down on the bed. She grabs Bokuto's phone and unplugs the headphones. "Bye Akaashi. Bokuto will call you back later!" <br/><br/>“Hey- no wait!” Bokuto grabs the phone back. “Akaashi I’m going on mute but I’ll be back, okay?”<br/><br/>Akaash hums. “Alright, Bokuto~San.”<br/><br/>Bokuto puts himself on mute and plugs the headphones back in. He glares at his sisters once again.<br/><br/>“Shut the door at least. I don’t want mom and dad to hear.”<br/><br/>Hankuchō shuts the door and sits down with her siblings on the bed. She shakes Bokuto’s leg with her hands excitedly as she rambles. “When were you going to tell us about this Ko? This is so exciting and rare! Most soulmates don’t meet each other for years! Does he already know? Are you guys already going out?” <br/><br/>“Chō, slow down. Let him speak.” Nosuri removes her sister's hands from Bokuto’s leg. “There's no way Akaashi knows. He’s not eighteen yet. From what I can remember he has a late birthday.”<br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bokuto nods. “His birthday is tomorrow. I was planning on staying the night at his place so I can be there when he wakes up tomorrow morning.” Bokuto sighs and looks down. “I’m really sorry I didn't tell you guys. My--- well, me and Akaashi’s past life is not the greatest and I didn't want to worry you two or mom and dad. But, it’s really important that I’m there when he wakes up, okay? I don’t want him to go through it alone like I did.” Bokuto’s eyes begin to tear again and he quickly rubs at them. </span>
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  <span>“Jeez Ko, you’ve been going through this alone for an entire year? We thought you at least told Akaashi about it.”Nosuri reaches out to touch his shoulder. “But I guess not, considering the circumstances.”</span>
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  <span>Bokuto shakes his head. “Only Kuroo and I didn't even tell him the full story. Just bits and pieces. He was in a similar situation with his soulmate, Kenma. They’ve known each other since they were just kids, so it’s been really hard on him.” He sighs. “I wanted to tell Akaashi. But, I didn't want to ruin his experience. This is a once in a lifetime thing. He deserves to figure it out for himself, even if it will be one of the most painful things he’ll ever experience. All that matters is that I’ll be there when he wakes up and it will all be okay!” Bokuto’s smile falters. “That is unless he rejects me.” </span>
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  <span>“You think he’s going to reject you?” Nosuri asks. Her hand slides down Bokuto’s arm and she rubs it softly in an attempt to comfort him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kōtarō, you idiot.” Hankuchō snaps. The two siblings look at her with wide eyes. “What? You act like you don’t hear the love that drips from Akaashi’s mouth when he says your name!” She clasps her hands together near her face and stares at Bokuto with puppy dog eyes. “Bokuto~San.” <br/><br/>“D-Don’t mock him!” Bokuto crosses his arms. “He’s been calling me that for forever since I’m a year above him. It’s just what he does!” <br/><br/>“I kinda see where Chō is coming from actually.” Nosuri replies. She brings her hand back to rest in her lap. “He’s always said your name all soft like that. I’ve actually thought he’s liked you for years, I just didn’t want to get your hopes up since you clearly liked him back.” <br/><br/>“Years?” Bokuto’s eyes bulge. “How did you guys even pick up on that?” <br/><br/>“There were a lot of indications.” Hankuchō says. “Like when he came over for dinner. I swear you both wouldn't stop casting glances at each other.”<br/><br/>“Plus, he practically knows everything about you, he’s really good at snapping you back to reality when you have a tantrum on the court or anywhere else, and he comes to calm you down when you have really bad panic attacks. No one else can do that, not even us!” Nosuri adds.<br/><br/>Bokuto blushes. “Okay, okay so you both have known!” He looks down. “Do mom and dad know? Was it that obvious to all of you”<br/><br/>“Oh, they know. We all placed bets on you guys one night when they were drunk!” Hankuchō smiles.<br/><br/>“You what?” Bokuto looks at her with wide eyes. “Why would you do that?” <br/><br/>“It was funny.” Nosuri laughs. “They were really excited about it too.”<br/><br/>Bokuto blushes again. “I hate you guys.”<br/><br/>“You love us.” Hankuchō reaches over to wrap her arm around her brother. “Now tell us, what are you going to say when he wakes up?”<br/><br/>“What even happened in your dream?” Nosuri asks.<br/><br/>“I don’t think you guys want to know. Just-” He sighs. “I don’t really know what I’m going to do, honestly. I’ve never done the whole romance thing. Part of me still thinks he’s going to wake up and reject me, hence the freak out from earlier.” Bokuto’s eyes water for what felt like the 10th time that day. “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if he does. I’ve been through so much pain for the past year, you guys have no idea.” Tears begin to finally drip down his face. “I-”<br/><br/>“Ko, hey.” Nosuri scooches over, wrapping her arm on Bokuto’s other side. “We’re here for you. We can help you. Please, tell us everything so we can understand.”<br/><br/>“I- I can't. I can't.” Bokuto repeats. He bites down on the collar of his shirt to suppress yet another sob. “Can you guys leave now- please? I need to calm down. I can’t be this wishy-washy. It’s a big night and I need to be strong for Akaashi tomorrow.” <br/><br/>Hankuchō gets visibly upset. “Ko, things are never going to get easier if you don’t-”<br/><br/>“Chō, drop it for now.” Nosuri gets up from the bed, ruffling her brother’s hair. “We’ll let him reset, then we can talk to him. Akaashi’ll do a good job, better than us.”<br/><br/>“Fine.” She pouts, wiping some of the tears off of Bokuto’s cheeks even though they keep falling. “If you need anything, we’ll be in the kitchen. We’ll bring you some cookies when they're done.” <br/><br/>Bokuto nods, not wanting to say anymore. He knows one second longer, he’ll break. The two girls give him sad smiles before heading out of the room and closing the door behind them.<br/><br/>Bokuto reaches over for his burgundy scarf, holding it close to his chest. He had bought this for himself for Christmas last year, enjoying the comfort it brought him. He grabs his phone next, putting the headphones into his ears and curling up on his bed under a blanket before unmuting. <br/><br/><em>‘I’m so annoying. He’s not going to want me as a soulmate.’ </em><br/><br/>“Kaashi? Still there?” He chokes out.<br/><br/>There's a bit of rustling and a few footsteps. “Yeah, I’m here Bokuto~San. Just heating up some dinner.” His voice is filled with concern. “Are you alright? Did something happen with your sisters?”<br/><br/>“Ye-Yeah.” Bokuto’s voice breaks. “Akaashi. What if my soulmate rejects me?”<br/><br/>“Why would he do that?” Akaashi asks. <br/><br/>Bokuto holds back a sob as he looks up at the ceiling. “Because I’m childish, I don’t know how to be romantic, and this stupid dream has ruined my mental state.” Tears stream faster down his face and he shoves the scarf over his mouth. <em>‘</em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em><em>Why does it have to affect me so much? It’s been over a year and I still wake up with chills when I die.’</em><br/><br/>“Bokuto~San.” Akaashi sighs. He’s quiet for a few moments as he tries to come up with something comforting to say. “If the dream had such a toll on you, don’t you think he’ll be exactly the same when you meet him one day?”<br/><br/>“Maybe. But also maybe not.” He speaks through the scarf. “I’m so damn scared Akaashi.”<br/><br/>“I know,” he pauses. “listen to me. I’ll be there for you no matter what. If this person does reject you, you’ll always have me to lean on, even when I find my soulmate one day.”<br/><br/>Bokuto makes a small noise in response, not being able to get anything else out due to the fact his throat was closing. <em>‘I’m here Akaashi. Your soulmate is right here. Who knows if you’ll even want me though. At this rate… I’ll be out of your life before you even know it.’</em> <br/><br/>“It’s bad today Bokuto~San." Akaashi comments. "Do you need me to come over?”<br/></span>
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  <span>Bokuto shakes his head, forgetting that Akaashi cant see him. “It’s the night before your birthday. You have other things to worry about.” </span>
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  <span>“This whole eighteenth birthday thing is stupid anyway.” Akaashi picks up the phone and walks somewhere. “I’m calling myself an uber and I’m coming over.” </span>
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  <span>"No- wait Akaashi!" Bokuto begins to protest, his voice continuing to break. "Just re-ad to me some more. I'll calm down, I promise! Y-ou don't have to come all the way here!" </span>
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  <span>Akaashi sighs, standing in place. "I'm coming over whether you like it or not.” He pauses. “Unless you can get your sisters to calm you down. That works sometimes, right?”</span>
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  <span>Bokuto bits down on his lip. He had no other choice but to tell his sister at least a few things about his dream, then about his plan about what he wanted to do when Akaashi woke up. This was the only way he could avoid Akaashi coming to his place and ruining his plan that he’d made a few weeks ago.</span>
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  <span>“Can I call you back then, Kaashi?” Bokuto struggles to take a breath. “I’m going to get my sisters back in here. You eat dinner and write more or something and I’ll get back to you when I’m not a blubbering mess.” </span>
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  <span>Akaashi sounds like he’s pacing as Bokuto speaks. “Alright, if that's what you want. But if you do still need me I’ll come over.” <br/><br/>"Thank you…ji." Bokuto mutters softly. <br/><br/>“You’re welcome, Bo.” Akaashi replies. “Be safe, okay?”<br/><br/>Bokuto, even in his state of panic, can feel his face flush. <em>‘Bo? He called me Bo! Why is he always so sweet? I'm going to cry more. Maybe things will be okay after all….'</em><br/><br/>“Yeah, I will.” <br/></span>
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  <span>After an entire year and then some, Bokuto finally tells his family (parents included) about a few things that went down in his dream. Of course, not everything, that would take too long and just freak him out more. He figured that it was finally time to tell them though, considering the next time they saw Akaashi, they would most likely be together if all went as planned. <br/><br/>They were very supportive, considering they had been thinking that the two should have gotten together years ago. Their only request is that he got his blood checked, just to make sure he didn't have or wouldn't develop FFI in his lifetime. He agreed, figuring Akaashi would say the same thing tomorrow when he woke up from his dream. <br/><br/>Afterwards, his sisters helped him develop his plan further, offering to drive him to Akaashi’s and drop off some stuff in the morning for breakfast. Bokuto thanked them and his parents for being so supportive and for letting him take so much time before telling them the truth about his dream. <br/><br/>As Nosuri drove him to Akaashi’s, he could already feel some of the weight fading from his chest and shoulders. As long as Akaashi was okay with them being soulmates, Bokuto could go back to being his carefree self this time, with someone to love. <br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Giving Nosuri a small wave and a silent ‘Thank you!’ Bokuto made his way out of the car. <br/><br/>He was still on the phone with Akaashi but things had gotten a bit quiet, as Akaashi was getting tired and had already tucked himself into bed. Bokuto had practically rushed his sister out the door once Akaashi had said this. If he got there after Akaashi fell asleep, he’d have to go back to his original plan of just breaking in unannounced.<br/><br/>“Akaashi!” Bokuto speaks in his usual tone but elevated, trying to keep the other boy awake. <br/><br/>Akaashi lets out a soft sigh. “Yes, Bokuto~San?” <br/><br/><em>‘Oh-- is he mad? Well, too late I can’t go back home now.</em>’  <br/><br/>Bokuto had Nosuri drop him off up the street to make it seem like Bokuto had walked here. If he had a car to drive him home, Akaashi could easily close the door and send him on his way and he couldn't let that happen! <br/><br/>He had a short walk and soon a few feet away stood Akaashi’s mansion of a house.<br/><br/> “Look out your window!” Bokutos heart races with excitement and fear. “at the snow!” <br/><br/>Akaashi shifts in his bed. “We see snow every year. Why should I?”<br/><br/>“Akaashi!” Bokuto frowns. <em>‘C’mon, work with me here. It’s cold!’ </em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>“Bokuto~San.” The rustling of blankets crackles through Bokuto’s speaker. “It’s too cold to get up.”<br/><br/><em>‘Alright, well....’</em> Bokuto huffs. “Fine, have it your way.” <br/><br/>Bokuto shoves his phone into his pocket and reaches down with an uncovered hand to grab the snow. He molds it into a ball, gets closer to the house, and throws the snowball at the front window where Akaashi’s room was. He then pulls his phone out of his pocket and waits, staring up at Akaashi’s window while trying to calm himself down. <br/><br/>“Bokuto~San-- I swear.” The blankets rustle once more. <br/><br/>It only takes a few seconds for the curtains to draw back, revealing the sleep ridden Akaashi with that navy blue blanket wrapped tightly around his fragile shoulders. <br/><br/>Bokuto can’t read his face, but he’s nervous either way. He has to pretend he’s fine though, for Akaashi, so he smiles and waves. <em>‘It’s going to be fine Kōtarō. Deep breaths. You are not having another panic attack tonight. This is all about Akaashi now.’</em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em>“I’ll be down in a minute.” Akaashi hangs up the phone.<br/><br/>Bokuto takes another deep breath. He puts his phone back into his pocket and makes his way to Akaashi’s front door, trudging through the snow that had already begun to build up.<br/><br/>Everything was about to change.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“Akaashi?” <br/><br/>Bokuto had no idea how much time had passed since the two of them said goodnight. But, he could recognize the deep breathing pattern. It was the same one Akaashi had in their other life. He was sure Akaashi was asleep by now. But he had to check, just to be safe. <br/><br/>Bokuto turns over and nudges Akaashi’s shoulder with his forehead. “Akaashi?” <br/><br/>No response. <br/><br/>Bokuto lays on his stomach, chin resting on his palms as he watches Akaashi. He looked just as calm as he did the night of Bokuto’s death, which sent a small chill through his spine.  Yesterday was the last night he would ever experience his dream in real-time though he already assumed that he’d be having nightmares for the rest of his life. He didn't have any plans on sleeping tonight. He wanted to stay up to assure that he would be awake and ready when Akaashi woke up in the morning.<br/><br/>Bokuto squeezes his way under Akaashi’s left arm, placing his head delicately on his chest. “I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about this. It was really hard to keep it from you.” His voice was low and hushed. “I’m honestly surprised I held up for this long, curse your late birthday.” He chuckles softly. “But I really hope you can look past that and forgive me. I hope I can be someone worthy of being your soulmate.”<br/><br/>Bokuto stays silent for a long time after that, listening to the breathing of his counterpart. There were points in the night where it hitched slightly and his heart thumped just a bit faster. It gave Bokuto a small ounce of hope that Akaashi would be okay with this. Okay with them being together forever, in this other life. <br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Bokuto sat criss-cross next to the sleeping Akaashi and watched the sunrise. <br/><br/>It had been snowing all night and he was worried about his sisters driving in it. Thankfully the plows came early, around 5 am, so now it was just a matter of picking up the food and other materials and getting them over to Akaashi’s house.<br/><br/>Bokuto quietly got up from the bed, being extra careful so he didn't disturb Akaashi. It was around 7:45 now and his sisters were just about to arrive. Thankfully the snow had stopped making things a little bit easier, for now at least.<br/><br/></span>
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  <span><br/><br/>“What is that?” Bokuto whispers, pointing at the fabric bundle in Hankuchō’s arms.<br/><br/>She smiles. “Me and No made a banner! It says Happy Birthday Akaashi! Here, look.” She hands one end of the banner to Nosuri and they walk apart, extending the banner so Bokuto can see. <br/><br/>“Whoah, you guys didn't have to do this…” Bokuto looks at the banner in awe. “Thank you.”<br/><br/>“Mhm!” Nosuri nods. “We thought it would be a nice touch. Oh, and I had Mom fix your suit up a bit, it should be wrinkle-free.” She hands him the poly plastic bag. “Go get changed, we’ll handle the decorating.”<br/><br/><em>‘I’m actually really glad I told them…’</em>  Bokuto nods. “Don’t make a lot of noise. He’s still asleep and I don’t want you guys to be around when he wakes up.”?<br/><br/>“Calm down Ko, we totally got this!” Hankuchō says. She and Nosuri are smiling super wide. They actually seemed more excited about this than Bokuto himself. <br/><br/>Bokuto frowns. “I am calm! Leave me alone!” He grabs the suit from his sister and makes his way upstairs to Akaashi’s bathroom. <br/><br/>“I don’t think he’s calm.” Hankuchō mumbles. <br/><br/>“Ya think?” Nosuri sighs. “He’ll be fine. Plus, if anything happens we’ll be there for him.”<br/><br/>Hankuchō nods. “Right! Of course!”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“This is fine. I can do this.” <br/><br/>Bokuto paced around the sunroom, taking deep breaths and trying to collect his thoughts.<br/><br/>He figured it would be best to wait down here, just in case Akaashi didn’t feel well enough to see him today. He didn’t want to push him too hard. After all, he knew how terrible it felt to wake up from that god awful dream.<br/><br/><em>‘I’m just going to comfort him, tell him it’s fine, and then somehow convince him to slow dance with me and it’ll be happily ever after! Unless of course he does reject me. Like if he’s straight. But why would we be soulmates if he’s straight? Cause god was bored and wanted some drama?’</em><br/><br/>Bokuto feels his legs shake and he sits down. <em>‘No- there’s no time for nervousness. It’s too late.’ </em>He hits his shaking legs with a fist, hissing slightly. <em>‘Damn it. Screw you anxiety.’</em><em><br/></em><em><br/></em> He leans back on the couch, letting his eyes close. <em>‘Akaashi won’t push me away. If my whole family thinks he likes me, what's to say he doesn't?’</em><br/><br/>Bokuto yaws, curling into the couch. ‘<em>Why is everything in this house so comfortable?’</em> He yawns again. <em>‘I’m so tired. But- no! I have to be awake! I have to stay awake!’ </em>He shifts his position, somehow getting even comfier. <em>‘Okay… maybe five minutes…’ </em><br/><br/></span>
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  <span>“And then I woke up with Akaashi on my chest.”<br/><br/><br/>“And then?”<br/><br/>Hankuchō and Nosuri sit attentively, waiting for Bokuto to finish off the story. He’d been talking for about forty minutes by now and it was almost one in the morning. Akaashi had shifted positions sometime in the middle of the story, ending up pressed into Bokuto’s side, an arm wrapping around his waist to keep him close. <br/><br/>“The rest you will never know. Privacy.” Bokuto says with a smile. <br/><br/>Hankuchō pouts. “Really? After all that? It can’t be that bad. Unless you guys had s-” <br/><br/>Nosuri covers her mouth before she can finish her word. “Nope that's enough from you let’s not think about our brother doing….that.”<br/><br/>Bokuto and Akaashi both blush furiously. Akaashi buries his face into Bokuto’s shoulder in an attempt to hide it while Bokuto covers his face with his hand.  <br/><br/>“T-That is definitely <b>not</b> what we were doing!” Bokuto stutters. <br/><br/>“Sounds kinda suspicious to me.” Hankuchō says through Nosuri’s hand. <br/><br/>“If they were, it's none of our business.” Nosuri takes her hand away from Hankuchō’s mouth. “Ko isn't an idiot. I think he has enough brain cells to buy protection beforehand.”<br/><br/>“Okay-- that's enough now goodnight.” Bokuto gets up, pulling Akaashi with him. “This conversation never happened, do not mention it ever again, it's none of your business.”  <br/><br/>Nosuri’s eyes widen. “So you did?”<br/><br/>“Nope, no goodnight.”<br/><br/>Bokuto whisks Akaashi upstairs to his room before things can escalate any further. It was too late to make a lot of noise so Hankuchō and Nosuri gave up and headed off to their rooms as well.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“I’m sorry about that.” Bokuto scratches at the back of his neck. “I didn’t know that’s what they would think about when I said private.” <br/><br/>Akaashi sighs, his face still red. “It’s… fine.” He sits down on Bokuto’s bed, flopping back. “I’m just glad they seem to like me.”<br/><br/>“Of course they do! What’s not to like! You’re polite, quiet, and,” Bokuto climbs on top of Akaashi. “have you ever seen yourself in a mirror?”<br/><br/>“Oh stop that-” Akaashi pushes Bokuto’s face back. “Don’t get in the mood. Your sisters are next door and so are your parents.” <br/><br/>“Already am. In fact, always am when I'm around you.” Bokuto pouts, giving Akaashi his best puppy dog eyes. “C’mon. I haven't kissed you practically all night.” <br/><br/>Akaashi gives in, pulling Bokuto down by the neck until their lips meet. He always gives in. Saying no to Bokuto was like taking candy away from a child, evil and you’ll probably make them cry. <br/><br/>“Keeeeiji.” Bokuto drags out his name as he pulls back to look at the boy underneath him. <br/><br/>Akaashi smiles up at him. “Kōtarō.”<br/><br/>“I love you.” <br/><br/>Akaashi places his hands on Bokuto’s cheeks. “I love you more.” <br/><br/>“Impossible!” Bokuto lays next to Akaashi, pulling him into a tight embrace. “You have no idea how much I love you.” <br/><br/>“And you have no idea how much I love you. So we’re even.” Akaashi mumbles into his shoulder. <br/><br/>“For now at least.” He pauses. “One day I’ll figure out how to top you.”<br/><br/>“You already do.”<br/><br/>“AKAASHI!” <br/></span>
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